My 10yr old cut her unibrow because her “friends” made fun

[MomRose12]

I’m deeply upset and I don’t know what to do. DD (10yrs) cut her unibrow with scissors and kept lying to me saying nothing happened. I was mad at her and she confessed.

I’m home educating DD this year (y6) as I’m on a career break. There was a LOT of girl drama going on in school anyway. She said she’d rather study at home with me. I let her stay in touch with her school “friends” via google hangouts.

There were several instances where she was blamed for something she didn’t do, girls in the group spreading lies about her in school etc so I told her to stay away from them. She however continued to be on google chat with the girls. They’ve made fun of my DD’s unibrow and she cut it! She also cut some bits of her eyebrows (slightly bruised skin there). Her unibrow is very special. It was the first thing I noticed when I saw her the first time. Although her eyebrows are a bit thick, they are gorgeous.

I’m up crying at this hour. I don’t know what to do. Please can someone help ?

[Italiangreyhound]

sorry ...

but if it matters to her, it matters to her, by which I mean it is not your call anymore.

[WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll]

It's great that you've discussed it and are working together.

I agree that we certainly should never feel the need to conform because others tell us to, however it's only natural for people of all ages (but especially young people) to sometimes decide to conform in some respects to what we observe others doing.

[Justagirlwholovesaboy]

School is awful if you don’t look the norm. Leave standing up for yourself to the grownups. Let the children not be bullied for things we can easily change. In an ideal world this wouldn’t be, but we are far from an ideal world

[BeardedMum]

I had a unibrow when I was a 10 and I wish my mum had helped me get rid of it. No girl wants one.

[LilQueenie]

Why be angry at her. it should be the bullies you are angry with. A bully will say or do anything to upset someone even if what they say is a lie or completely made up. You DD ditching them would be the best way to go.

[NerrSnerr]

She lied about it because she knew how you'd react. My mum was a nightmare for me about this kind of thing. I wasn't allowed to shave my legs so of course used an old bic and butchered my legs and then lied about it as I knew she'd be cross.

It's her body. Let her decide. I know it's rubbish that she was picked on but let her decide how she deals with it.

[MomRose12]

It all looks awful at the moment. Will it grow back ? I will take her in for a consultation with a therapist next week.
(More crying at 3am because my precious baby is growing up too fast)

[kateandme]

go to her.tell her you weren't mad at her but mad at people who you didn't want to belittle her into thinking she EVER has to change who she is.
that you understandus girls all want to be like our mates at some point but yo uwant her to know she doesn't need to have that pressure although you understand it. there is a line that is crossed that when someone starts to dislike themselves and you wouldn't want that for her.
but if thi is what dhes done how about you sort it together.could you have a pamper/waxing session together.make it into something that isn't an emotional reacting to how she has been made to feel by bullies.
let hr know nnone has the right to bully but don't be angry at her for being the victim of it.she needs help now.

[FortunesFave]

If it does grow back do the kid a favour and pluck it for her. It's not your face.

If she wants it gone, that's her choice. Careful you don't store up resentments for when she's older.

[MomRose12]

@kateandme : I was mad at her for lying. It was obvious. I asked her nicely many many times. She just kept denying doing anything.

I’m still mad at her bullies but I don’t know what to do. Should I complain to the school about it? I’m heartbroken that my DD felt presurised into cutting her eyebrows. She never had a problem with them - she would have mentioned to me (we are quite close and She knows she can discuss anything with me). I will help her get a tidy up, very reluctantly though as we are doing it because some bullies have a problem with it. (Just feels so wrong)

[AdoreTheBeach]

When I was young, I took my father’s razor to shave my uni brow and had to wear plasters over the mess until it grew back in BUT my mother realised then that the uni brow was making ME unhappy and would tweeze the middle. Couldn’t wait until I could shape them better.

Was I teased about it? I can’t remember any teasing. I only remember wanting not to have it. I still remember the smiley faced plasters all these years later.

If your daughter doesn’t want her uni brow, it’s her uni brow and how it makes her feel. Not up to you to determine you want it to remain because of your memories.

[TearingUpMyHeart]

She obviously doesn't feel she can discuss 'anything' with you, quite possibly because you get really mad then stay up crying about it. Why do you label these girls bullies, for example, and obsess about your dd only doing things for herself and not for others? Why are you isolating her from her peers? Be careful you are really putting her interests first and letting her grow up. It's hard, this stage, to start to let go. I do sympathise.

[KirstyAllsoppsFatterTwin]

If she wants her brows threaded/shaped then let her. Why would you let her be teased and bullied over something so easy to rectify? She's probably going to want to do them herself once she becomes a teenager anyway - unibrows have never really been a sought after look so why wait? It's hardly premature breast augmentation or botox is it?

If she ever changes her mind (unlikely frankly) then she can grow it back in a matter of weeks.

[MrsFoxPlus4]

This really isn’t about how you felt about her unibrow. I feel so sad she was scared to admit it to you. I’d let her have the centre waxed, tweezed or threaded. I own a salon and we have younger girls in with their parent frequently. We offer minimal brow shaping.

[MrsFoxPlus4]

And if it’s just shaved yeah it’ll grow back. It’s been cut not pulled from the root. Waxing, threading & tweezing tend to stop it growing back so prominent.

[MomRose12]

@TearingUpMyHeart : why aren’t those girls bullies? Making fun of someone’s eyebrows - is that kind behaviour???

[WereYouHareWhenIWasFox]

Did you read the messages? I am also uncomfortable with you labelling the others as bullies. Are you sure she has not made this decision herself, but it is easier to pin the blame on someone else?

[MomRose12]

@MrsFoxPlus4: are you anywhere near London? Please can you tell me more about minimal brow shaping? What is best in your opinion : threading / waxing or plucking? (She is 10)

[MomRose12]

@WereYouHareWhenIWasFox : yes, she told me who all said what. I don’t think she made this decision herself. She would have discussed it with me. She is hitting puberty and we discussed body hair etc. She would have atleast asked once. She never did anything like this before.

She asked for ear piercing - I got it done. I didn’t want to get it done until secondary school - but she negotiated. I am not the monster unreasonable mum you all think!

[KirstyAllsoppsFatterTwin]

Well it would be bullying if a group of girls were repeatedly mocking or teasing her for a physical characteristic she can't help. But we don't know the extent of this. It may have just been mentioned once or twice rather insensitively and she has taken it to heart, having already felt self conscious enough about it.

It's lovely that you think she's perfect as she is but sometimes a dogged determination that nothing needs to change doesn't actually do a child any favours. It sounds like you are struggling with allowing her to grow up.

[IfOnlyOurEyesSawSouls]

OP threading will be painful... waxing is best.

As time goes on your DDs will go weaker in that area meaning that if you support her to start now it will be much less bothersome for her as an adult.

It is working really well for my daughter.

[MrsFoxPlus4]

I’m in Glasgow! Well usually if someone came for a brow treatment we would tint (dye) wax, pluck and maybe even thread any peach fuzzy hair and they’d have a very structured brow. Depending on the child we usually just tweeze the centre and across the tops maybe any hairs nearer the eyelid but we don’t give them adult eyebrow? Does that make sense. Threading is really popular amougst mixed race women though. Waxing is the quickest method. I’d phoned round some salons & see what their options are explained you don’t want her eyebrows shapining or anything you simply want her monobrow sorted. Let her watch YouTube videos about how it all happens.

[WereYouHareWhenIWasFox]

She told you? Or you read the messages?

[MomRose12]

@KirstyAllsoppsFatterTwin
All this is only about:

1. changing something (she doesn’t have a problem with) only because someone bullied her about it
   
2. Me helping her change it - sending her a message that we must change things about us that others don’t like
   

If she came to me saying she didn’t like her unibrow, I would have come here asking what to do. If didn’t begin like that sadly.

[MomRose12]

@WereYouHareWhenIWasFox
It apparently happened over a group chat call. I wasn’t around. She told me. I don’t read her messages.