Breastfeeding is restrictive AF [rant]

[PeppersTheCat]

Please correct me if I'm wrong, but breastfeeding is restrictive AF.

I currently have an ebf 7 week old. I can only do things that involve taking him along too. So, no cinema, no gym, no date nights, no girls nights out. I am the only breastfeeder at the baby group I attend, so whilst all the other mums seem to have a life (can get their hair done, go on nights out, attend the gym), I seem shackled to my baby and socially ostracized. It feels lonely and limiting.

I particularly miss the gym, which I used for my mental health. If I even want to attend a 1 hour gym class, I'd need to beg someone to come with me and hold the baby.

Does anyone else feel this way? :(

Just after a pep talk I suppose.

Any tips for having a life whilst ebf? I cannot express much milk.

[Cranb0rne]

I've had about 4 nights out since I had my first son 4 and a half years ago. I don't get time to myself anymore. It's nothing to do with breastfeeding, it's The reality of parenting.

[Cranb0rne]

Dunno how the heck I would even get to the gym. My 1 year old doesn't settle without me in the house. All these other women with social lives- where am I going wrong?!

[JaneBanks]

I'm a strong believer in happy Mum = happy baby. DS was ebf and I was really missing gym classes for my mental health (and just getting a break here and there). I'm lucky as my parents and husband are delighted to have him whenever possible. I switched to combination feeding at 6 weeks and returned to my usual gym classes, leaving a bottle and some formula with gp or dh as a "just in case". Expressing took forever and was not conducive to my mental health. I'm far happier, DS is happy and healthy. I felt guilty at first but no regrets now and will do the same with number 2. You have to do whatever works best for you when you have children I feel.

[cricketqueen]

Of course you can mix feed I did from 3 weeks till 8 months. My supply never suffered. It's quote possible to mix feed if you want to OP and the odd bottle of formula now and again won't harm you or baby.

[RockinRobinTweets]

I'd mix feed too. You can do both! I think it's a lot of responsibility and quite claustrophobic for some mothers to have to do all feeds.

If you're wanting to get out, even if it is just to do a food shop in peace I lead a glamorous life it is hard to do if you're ebf. It'll get easier if the feeds become less snacky but it still takes time.

If you're going back to work at 6 months then ideally the baby will be taking a bottle now so that they take a bottle then.

[Albandra]

PeppersTheCat I can toally relate to what you are saying about BFing and DP comments. I can ony say it does get better and easier.

[RockinRobinTweets]

@Cranb0rne

It's all about what you want and who you have around you. I went back to work at 6 months and DH and I take turns in giving each other 'time off' - it's important to us to have friendships and I find it difficult to have conversations and parent at the same time!! I can't multitask very well.

[randomsabreuse]

Express would be my answer. I played in a concert at just under 3 months post baby - DH was in the green room with her. Fed in the interval and DH had a bottle for her too. Took a lot of time to express enough but we had enough for me to escape at least weekly.

[PeteMe]

I feel for you and I agree with you - it is restrictive. If your breast can manage and wont explode like mine did, give her a bottle every now and then so you get a break?

[InDubiousBattle]

I wish people would talk about mix feeding more. I remember thinking that if you give a baby f once that's that, they are ff and no more bf. Of course that's nonsense. If you need to go out somewhere feed the baby first and then leave and bottle and f in case you're not back before the baby needs a feed. I know several women who ebf with their first and all but one have mix fed or said that they would mix feed with a second.
It sounds like your dp needs a but of a reality check about what it is to be a parent!

[TwoDrifters]

There seemed to be something comforting about the sonorous bass of the cinema speakers… Even though it was loud, the reverberations seemed to soothe MiniDrifter and he'd go straight off! (Even during Star Wars with all the noisy explosion scenes!)

It's lovely and dark too and even though there is noise from the other babies, it's strangely not irritating. And this is from someone who normally can't bear people even munching popcorn.

[chelle85]

There are some pretty judgmental responses on here.

I am with you OP - 6wk old EBF and struggling with isolation as there is no pattern at all to when he wants to feed so even if I feed before nipping to the shops I can't be confident he won't want feeding again 30 mins later and due to latch issues (just diagnosed with tongue tie) and fast letdown I don't yet have confidence feeding in public.

Some people seem to think that you stop being a person when you become a mum. Wanting to go out and do something on your own once in a while does not make someone selfish. I know one mum who was out on a night out 2 weeks after baby. I personally wouldn't have been fit to go out that soon but it doesn't mean she loves her DS any less.

I'm lucky with being able to express but DS is so fussy with a bottle that I still feel guilty and don't manage to enjoy any break I do get when DH takes the baby

[ownedbySWD]

I've found that the hard slog of bf in the early weeks gets paid for in the ensuing weeks/months of the ease and simplicity of no bottles (cheap, too). It's hard to trust that this time investment will pay off, but it always has for me. My ds is nine months old and I can leave him for about four hours. He is happy with solid foods and water until I get back (then he's attached like velcro for the next day and a half but hey ho!)

[Nightscroller1]

I haven't read all the comments but feel you've been given harsh responses for speaking the truth.

My LO is ebf too and I feel exactly the same as you!! I actually tried formula and LO hated it, heaving and crying. So im shackled until weaning!

BUT when trying to switch to formula I just wanted to cuddle her!!

All in all I agree with you, one day we'll get our full day's shopping!!! X

[JellyBert]

I cried the day he turned 6 weeks. Everybody told me it got easier once they turned 6 weeks and it hadn't! I was dreading being attached to my baby for a year, I even said to my DH I want to change to formula.
My DS is now 10 1/2 weeks & the difference is astounding! I can pop out to the shop now without him, I even went to slimming world (albeit didn't stay for group) just fed before. I have some milk in the freezer for emergencies but other than that I'm going to start trying to get out a little more by myself. I need to start couch to 5k so think I will take up running!
It's worth it (and this is coming from somebody who formula fed their first).

[Thirtyrock39]

Could you go running rather than gym? Much more flexible and high intensity so a 20 minute run when your partner is home will probably equal an hour in the gym but you're nearby if needed
It's a hard phase however I do question the bonding of a mum who can leave a tiny baby for a whole days shopping

[Callamia]

It's so temporary. Honestly.

I went for my first run when my baby was 8 weeks, and that hour out of the house was brilliant. I fed him up, handed him over to my husband, and literally legged it.

It will become increasingly possible, and you always have the option of expressing if you don't plan to formula feed. I think we went to the theatre a few times when our eldest was a little baby. We just left milk for him.

[Lovebugooo]

I know this post is very old, but I am posting because I was searching the same comment of the original poster and I was really saddened by so many of the responses.

just because you have had a baby, if you want to go out do so! My husband is fantastic (my baby is 5 weeks old) he has let me have my hair done, eyebrows done and is very accommodating if I need to go off and do things. Baby should be eating every three hours.. that should give you three hours to go and do your thing. Pump and freeze / refrigerate for back up in case your not back. You are still a young woman who needs their own time - you should not feel that you are imprisoned. It’s unhealthy and all of these women that tell you that that you can’t go out for the evening so early need to get a grip! it is certainly possible and you shouldn’t feel bad for wanting to have a few precious hours to yourself. This site is full of self righteous bullies who think that they know everything about parenting. You do you! Providing you make sure there is enough milk available at home.

[DrJump]

I found the opposite. As babies they were so portable. Baby carrier/pram a few nappies and I would be out all day. Long walk in the park near me, my local park has a pram fitness class too, coffee with friends, shopping, at night they could stay in the pram or snuggle into me in a baby carrier. I flew long haul with a seven week and it was one of the easiest flights I've done. Boob, nappy change, bit of sleep.

Maybe see how much you can do rather than looking at the what you can't do.