HELP!!! BFing 6 day old baby, no sleep!

[MrsTittleMouse]

DD was born on Monday, and I've breastfed her as her only source of food. Since my milk came in on Thursday, she's been feeding loads. It has the advantage that I haven't had hard boobs, so I've always been able to latch, but I'm exhausted.
She feeds constantly in the evening, and gets really upset and unsettled from about 10pm until 1am. She screams and won't be calmed, even though she surely can't be hungry when I've been feeding her constantly since 7pm? MIL and SIL have suggested a bottle of formula in the evening to fill her up, but I really hate the idea of using a bottle when she's so little. She still doesn't really like the idea of having to "work" for my milk, and we have to nudge her through the feeds to get her to suck properly again, as she'll slip into fast gentle "comfort sucking" instead of proper "drinking sucking". I think that a bottle will make that problem worse.
I'm really struggling though. Does anyone have any ideas to calm her down? Is she getting enough food? She does produce lots of wet nappies and a couple of dirty nappies a day, so there's plenty coming out of the other end.
Please help!

[munz]

ah u have big boobs- missed that one, during the day I chose the rugby hold (ask your M/W but basically it's pillow out baby laying down along side your side head under boob) for me no pain.

also if she's heavy rocking by day have a sit down with her rest your arm on a pillow and then gently rock your arm towards you.

most important thing with BF u can remember if nothing else - loads and loads of cream pads and relax - I know how hard that is when it's hurting but honestly I loved those night feeds at that age - the whole being the only one who could do it, and the u and baby time it's really invaluable (least I thought it was) also after each feed, I found quick was/rise of the boobs with a flannel apply lots of cream and fresh pads for each feed - costs a fortune but least my boobs weren't sore which for me was an important thing in carryin on. just relax rela xrelax and also advice I was given on here, do what baby needs for you both to sleep then work out any problems later on once baby's older more settled and you have gotten over the inital exhaustion they call labour!

[Judy1234]

That's normal. I am so glad neither set of parents were around (although I'm sure they are very pro breastfeeding anyway) because I think you need to be able to get used to your own baby alone. My mother specifically said she'd ensure that period of keeping away but I know some women love their mothers around so it's a very personal decision.

One of ours cried for 3 months like that. Had I had her now I would have taken her to a cranial osteopath just to try it in case a skull massage helped. A bottle is not the answer. I think some babies just like and need to suck as much as that. If you need a break from it, and no reason you shouldn't, then feed her and go out or sleep for an hour and have someone else hold her even if they have to drive for 20 miles in the car with her crying in the back just to sooth her. It won't do her any harm and you'll feel better when they get back.

[DetentionGrrrl]

The breastfeeding gets REALLY rewarding after the initial shock / pain/ tiredness. I wouldn't swop it for the world- hope it all goes well for the three of you.

[MrsTittleMouse]

Thank you again for all the comments.
I was looking at our bed last night, and there are gaps between it and the wall on 3 sides, so not great to co-sleep. I think I'd be too worried anyway to be honest.
However, last night I was able to go with the flow and just let her feed when she wanted without stressing that I was doing something wrong, or thinking that there was anything else we could do about it. So even though she fed constantly from 12 to 3, I felt much better and DH was able to get a good night's sleep.
The MW came today and we were able to discuss the issues. I'll definitely try feeding her while lying down tonight. Especially as the stitches were really hurting last night and sitting upright was not fun!
We have a Moses basket, and I think that if things continue, I might buy a rocking base for it too. I've been rocking her during the day today, and she's really loving it, but she gets heavy quickly!
Anyway, to stop wiffling on, I'm feeling much more positive and much keener to keep on BFing.

[tiktok]

Just to say what others have said - none of what you are describing is unusual, or wrong, or starting bad habits. Everything you have said is good, and shows she is behaving a way that communicates well with you and stimulates a good milk supply.

Your MIL and SIL should not have a view on any of this, as their suggestions so far show they have no real understanding of breastfeeding at all....nurses do not get trained in breastfeeding support, but that has not stopped your SIL from throwing in her two pennorth

Don't try to distinguish between 'real' sucking and 'comfort' sucking - in a healthy thriving baby both are just fine!

As Thinks says, a week ago she was inside you. She's going to need time to adjust to life outside! Going with the flow and not analysing too much will help a lot

[yellowrose]

So sorry for exeedingly long post !

[yellowrose]

With a newborn and large boobs I found it easiest to feed with the boob on the bed, so if lying on LEFT side, then use the left boob and on the RIGHT use the right boob. What you do is you put baby with his tummy toward yours on his side, you hold his back with the arm on top (so if lying on your left, your left arm is used to prop you up and the right arm is used to get him latched and then once latched to hold his back.

Use pillows under the arm to prop your arm or head. I always got DH to put the pillows under my head and to help position my son next to me. Gosh I am sure I am making this much more complicated than it sounds !! It is actually quite easy, just needs practice !

What we did with our double bed: make sure one side of the bed was against the wall, and the other side we had baby's cot firmly in place, he was closed off on both sides and couldn't fall off.

There are these special cots with the one side down so you can put baby right next to your bed, but roll him back into his own cot once he falls asleep, but not sure where you can buy these.

The other thing (I wish someone had told me !!), newborns love being rocked to sleep ! If you can get something to rock him in, it is a great way to settle them.

If I had another baby, first thing I would buy would be one of those rocking cots or some kind of baby hammock ! I also used my baby car seat a lot for rocking baby in. Once he was asleep we would lift him and put him into his cot. Car seats are a funny shape, so not very good for baby's back if you leave them in there for many hours.

As for sleeping on top of you, in fact this was something I loved ! He would sleep on my tummy or DH's tummy during the day. I would lie down on the sofa (I never ever fall asleep during the day, so no danger of cot death) with the remote and watch TV or read a book for 2 hours at a time while he slept on top of me. It is a good time to relax. Again, if you are likely to fall asleep like this, perhaps lying on the sofa is not a good idea.

They usually recommend against lying down with a baby on the sofa, but in my case there was no chance in hell that I would fall asleep as I am a very light sleeper, so I did it any way as I was in full control of baby and myself !

Another method, put a futton or another kind of mattress down on the floor in your bedroom or living room, with a TV nearby That way the baby is on the floor when you lie next to him and he is safe. This method really worked for us too.

MTM - do you have a bf adviser near you ? If you tell me whereabouts you are I can give you the no. for La Leche League or their national helpline no - the leader at LLL or any of the mothers with more experience will be able to show you how to feed lying down.

[Katiebel]

Hi Mrs Tittlemouse

Aren't you a star - well done & hang in there, this really is the hardest bit.

Your midwife will be able to show you how to feed lying down & give you some tips if you're afraid of falling asleep I'm sure

No need to worry yet about baby sleeping on you in day - just enjoy the cuddle & sit down if you can. Up to 3 months this is fine

[PrettyCandles]

I find that I can feed from either boob without rolling over. The lower boob is easier, but for the top boob I prop myself up with extra pillos under my neck and lean over the baby, who usually ends up almost on his back. Lower boob he is on his side.

[MrsTittleMouse]

Feeding lying down: which boob does she use, the top or the bottom???
Bit worried about cot death to let her co-sleep, especially after the not-breathing episode when she first fed in hospital. We have had the moses basket on the bed though, which is handy, because I don't have to get up.

[munz]

nothin really new to add - but both M

[Thinkstoomuch]

A week ago she was inside you. I think it's easy to forget what a huge upheaval the whole thing must be for them. I'd say don't even think about routines and falling asleep on her own at this stage.
If I were a baby that age I'd want to be snuggled up to mum in bed, skin to skin, near your heartbeat, nice and warm with booby right there!

[yellowrose]

MTM - it DOES get easier ! He is very very small and needs to be fed on demand. Most of us first time bf-ers think that babies just want food, they don't, if they are unsettled it can be for 101 reasons, which doesn't make life easier for a bf mum, but at least it's the truth

Please don't listen to well-meaning people who say "formula" at the drop of a hat. It never solved the world's problems and it never will ! If anything, ff babies can be more unsettled as they are not being fed as nature intended, don't get the same sort of physical contact with mum, get tummy upsets, may get allergies, etc...

If you haven't had a chance to read kellymom.com so far please do so. It gives lots of advice about baby's first few weeks.

The only things that will help you cope are: get as much rest as possible (i.e get well-meaning husband/partner and family to help with cleaning, cooking, changing nappy, and very importantly HOLDING baby, may be in a sling. When I couldn't settle my DS even after lots of bf (he was very unsettled for first few weeks) I would just hand him over to DH who would put him on his shoulder (tummy down) nad just walk around the living room with him for ages !

Another tip, try to feed lying down. It is hard at first, but may be someone can help you to position the baby next to you the first few times. I did this for nearly 10 months as I had very bad pelvic pain and couldn't sit down comfortably. It helps you get a lot more rest and eventually you may even be able to nap. Please just make sure baby is in a safe place and can't roll off the bed.

Good luck !

[PrettyCandles]

I'm in the same position as you, ds2 is 7 days old, constantly feeeding, likes to sleep on people during the day and a real mare between 11pm-1am.

It's not colic. Don't bother with colic remedies, they won't help. So far (and dredging by sleep-deprived brain for memories of how my othe=r babies were) the best solution I have found is to make sure that he gets a good feed every 2h or so during the day, particularly from about 5pm on, and that he naps between feeds, particularly from 5pm on.

I think that what happens is that as the day progresses he gets more and more tired, so he falls asleep during feeds, so he doesn't take enough to keepgoing,so he gets too hungry to nap well, so he gets overtired...visciuos circle.

Every evening that I have managed to get him to nap well from suppertime on, he has fed well, and the 11-1 period has not been quitte so fraught. He also managed to go 3h between feeds on those nights (ah, blissful sleep, shame aboyut 6yo ds1 who needed me at 4.30am! ).

I'm bed-sharing, no pj top and ds2 in only his nappy. I don't know wherther this helps, but it's very nice!

BTW, you're doing well .

[MrsTittleMouse]

Thank you for all the advice and support.
OK, the plan is that as this is normal and there's not much that we can do about it, I'll stay up with her until 1am, watching naff TV, snacking and feeding her constantly. Then I can go to bed, and in the day I'll get everyone else to look after her and have extra naps.
She DID have 2 sessions of 3 hours sleep each last night, so if she can do that again, that would be brilliant.

[Swizzler]

Oh, and nap thro the day whenever you have the chance.

[Swizzler]

Not much advice, but DS exactly the same at 2 weeks re fussing at night. At first, he wouldn't sleep unless he was held, then slept in bed with us and for the last few days has been happy sleeping in his crib ( tho waking every 2 hrs for a feed). He seems to be getting better at settling every day, so it does get easier

[wrinklytum]

Hi there.Would reiterate what others have said.Give yourself a pat on the back you are doing fabulously well.It is extremely tiring.At this stage I would just concentrate on feeding your baby,get your dp/dh to pamper you and stay in bed with little un and sleep when they do.At this stage all they seem to do is feed,sleep,cry and poo!!!

If your mil and sil are concerned then tell them the most helpful thing they can do is come round,clean your house,wash,iron and produce a few meals

Your body will provide your baby with enough milk,they are just very hungry at this point!!!

Make sure you drink plenty of fluids,and eat when you can to keep your strength up.

Congratulations on your baby.It is a very tiring time but it does get better eventually,honestly!

[liquidclocks]

Hi - I've been through this stage really recently (DS2 is 3 weeks) and just want to say you're doing great! Hang in there and it really does get so much better really quickly. For me with both DS's it's been the 5-10 days period that's been the hardest - they're getting a bit more wakeful, a bit more hungry but you're still recovering from the birth and sleep deprivation really starts to take it's toll. Also btw DS1 was FF and DS2 is BF and it makes no difference.

My 2 main strategies have been 1) between 7am and 11pm if they haven't fed for 3 hours (start of feed to start of feed) then wake them up and encourage them to eat and 2) give baby to DH all wrapped up in car seat or pushchair straight after goo feed and tell him to take baby out - the motion will generally keep them asleep and you use the time to SLEEP! Also around this age I tried to do all 'night' feeds in semi darkness to try and get them started learning about day and night, seems to have worked both times though some babies just don't get it for a while and that's normal too.

Good luck - you really are doing well

[mammaduck]

PS You do want them to fall asleep by themselves eventually, but not at 6 days. It's not even worth trying anything like that till at least 3 months, and even then they might not crack it for a while.

My DS didn't fall asleep by himself until he was 8 months old!

[mammaduck]

All advice so far spot on - the first few days are really tough and what you've described sounds totally normal.

Remember a newborn's stomach is the size of a walnut - that's why they feed so frequently because they can't take much at time (about 2tsps worth).

As they grow and the stomach grows it can take more.

Definitely get into the 'feeding lying down' position as much as possible. It's much more bearable and you might even get some sleep!

[MrsTittleMouse]

SIL suggested that maybe she has colic (SIL is a nurse and has a DS under a year), so now we're trying colic medication. Can't hurt I suppose and we're willing to give most things a go!

[MrsTittleMouse]

Wow! Thank you for all the responses. She does love to sleep on people during the day. I was a bit concerned about this though because I do want her to learn how to fall asleep by herself - and she does seem to be getting the hang of it gradually. (should point out here that I don't leave her if she's distressed, I think that she's far too young to be manipulative and that she needs her Mum)
Also, I phoned the MWs at the hospital, and they wondered whether she was going for too long during the day (ie asleep on someone and not feeding), leading to a deficit that she would make up in the night. So now I'm making sure that she feeds more in the day.
DH was just commenting this morning that EVERYONE has loads of advice for us, but no-one is telling us that we're doing a good job, it's all given in the "you should be..." style.
I gather that's fairly normal though. Except on MN.

[SoupDragon]

Maybe try her in a pouch sling (coorie) to keep her settled during the day so she's not comfort sucking? Anyone can carry her in this and she may love the closeness and warm snuggliness of it giving you a chance for a nap.

[SoupDragon]

In fact, go to bed now with your baby and stay there. Don't get up for anything bar the toilet.