Dad

[IngletonRose]

My darling Dad is in his final days of life. He developed a rare heart infection back in January. The hospital thought they could operate but it became too serious and he became palliative.

I just never thought this day would come. He doesn't look like my Dad anymore, it is breaking my heart to pieces to see him like this.

I have a 9 month old daughter who he absolutely adores & I know she will always be a connection to him but I just truly don't know how I'm going to cope without him. The thought of having anymore children who wouldn't get to meet him overwhelms me. I am an only child.

We live next door to my parents so we are incredibly close. He's still technically here and already my heart is aching with pain at missing him. I've never felt pain like it before.

I just can't believe my wonderful, clever strong Dad has been reduced to this.

Please just tell me how to cope with this gut wrenching pain.

[TheShellBeach]

I'm very sorry OP.

I remember when my dad died, and the terrible pain I felt.

Is your dad able to talk to you? It sounds like he isn't, from what you say.

Are you spending all your time at the hospital? How's your mum coping?

My dad never met any of my children, or my husband. It's still a huge regret for me.

[natava]

Very sorry to hear that. I just lost my dad last week. He was in hospital for 8 weeks prior to his passing and I too was very shocked at how quickly he declined, both physically and cognitively. He was almost unrecognisable at the end.

It seems strange but I think I did a lot of grieving before he passed as I was so distressed to see him like that. He went into palliative care for the final few days and we got to tell him everything we wanted, told him our favourite memories, looked at photo albums etc. I happened to be at his bedside when he did pass and it was very peaceful and we all felt a great sense of relief that he was no longer suffering.

It’s still only early days for me but I am being kind to myself, crying when I want to, going for long walks alone, thinking of happy times with him and being grateful for the father/grandfather he was. I also feel jealous of other people who have parents older than him and in good health.

I hope your father’s final days are peaceful and you get to spend as much time with him as you can.

[Rocknrollstar]

My wonderful dad died before my GC were born but we have photos of him around the house and have always talked about him. I have explained what he taught me and the interests we shared. I sometimes think the GC think they did know him. You can keep your dad alive in your thoughts, hearts. Minds and actions. I wish you well.

[IngletonRose]

@TheShellBeach At the moment Dad comes to a little and will say a few words, then he'll go off again. Earlier he squeezed my hand and told me he was scared, that will haunt me forever.
Dad is at home and we live right next door which is a huge help.
My mum isn't doing too well, she's staying away keeping busy & I worry in time she'll regret not spending this time with Dad.

I'm sorry you know this pain too, it is truly horrendous. X

[IngletonRose]

@natava I'm so sorry you know this pain too. Your story sounds very similar to ours. Dad was in hospital for 8 weeks but has been at home for the past 4 weeks receiving palliative care.

I hope I will feel relief once he passes, I know this isn't existing anymore.

Yesterday I went to the GP as I have a throat infection on top of everything else. A gentleman checked in Infront of me and he was older than my Dad, I felt almost anger when I heard it.

[NobbyNobbs]

@IngletonRose I am so sorry. My heart aches at your pain. It's one of my biggest fears at the moment. My Dad is my best mate.

I don't know how to comfort you -
I'm just so terribly, terribly sorry. You are in my thoughts, you and your lovely Dad x

[TheShellBeach]

It's very painful to go through this loss.
It does cause irrational anger, too. That's normal.

[IngletonRose]

@NobbyNobbs Thank you for your lovely words, they brought a tear to my eye to know my wonderful Dad is being thought about x

[Bestyearever2024]

Dad died almost a year ago. He suffered so much. I miss him terribly

[IngletonRose]

@Bestyearever2024 I'm so sorry. We are so blessed to have had such wonderful Dads ❤️

[Hopskiplou]

My dad died a couple of months ago. Lean on the palliative team. Thinking of you OP. You won’t regret the time you are spending with him.

[TheShellBeach]

How is your dad now,@IngletonRose?

[Pinkpromise]

I’m so very sorry and although I don’t know you or your dad, I’m thinking of you.
My own dad died on the 28th and although I was expecting it at some point in the near future it has still devastated me.
I hate the thought of anyone else going through this and I suppose we all react differently so I don’t know if my words will help.
All I can say is that although I’m really sad, I have taken comfort from looking at photos, remembering the happy times we had and believing that he has gone somewhere better where he’s free from pain.
I talk to him and since he died I’m trying to be more like him. Patient, loving and uncomplaining and just enjoying each moment.
That’s the legacy he has left me.
I’m truly sorry and having you by his side will be a huge comfort.

[IngletonRose]

@TheShellBeach Last night I was sat holding his hand and playing his favourite songs and suddenly albeit it extremely weakly he started to sing. I've never felt such emotion, I will never forget that moment.

He's mostly unresponsive now, sometimes get a little hand squeeze. I've been wetting his lips with a sponge stick and this afternoon he pulled it into his mouth and sucked, it made me feel worried that he was thirsty and I'm not helping him enough, even though I know he couldn't drink safely anymore.

He then started coughing on and off this afternoon so I called the palliative nurse. They administered some midazolam to help stop it irritating him but then that upset me, I felt as though I was getting him sedated. It's such such a huge, horrible rollercoaster.

[IngletonRose]

@Hopskiplou Thank you. Even though the gut wrenching sadness there are happy memories when he squeezes my hand at something I've said. I will never forget being with him at this time.

[IngletonRose]

@Pinkpromise Thank you for your lovely words & I'm so sorry you know this pain too.

Your message brought me comfort, thank you. I'm already finding myself thinking how much like Dad I will be. It will be a real privilege to be his legacy.

[TheShellBeach]

@IngletonRose don't feel guilty about the midazolam.
It is very calming and stops any feelings of panic the patient may have.
It's much better that your dad is peaceful, even if he's sedated.

[Mammyloveswine]

Take comfort in the fact you get to spend time together..

And please don't think I'm being insensitive here as it's not my intention.,

I lost my mam very suddenly 2 days after Christmas in 2022 (just over a year now). The shock was horrific! I take comfort in the fact it was quick and she didn't suffer.

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. When I lost my mam the most empathic message I got was "mammy.. I have no words.. this is just so shit". And it's true. I'm just sorry and hope you can take comfort in the small moments like your dad singing.

[Justanotherusername27]

I lost my mum very quickly just over a month ago. We were both too young, and as someone with a 9 month old, I suspect you both are too. But a month in I know she’s in a wonderful place, it’s just us who are sadly left.

Keep talking to him. He will hear you. I took a lot of solace on TikTok from hospice nurse Hadley and Julie. He will feel very very peaceful and calm right now. He might be seeing those who passed over already (a phenomenon that many people see). If you need support please feel free to message 💕

[sleeptight1]

So sorry OP. I lost my mum suddently on Wednesday and cannot offer any advice, but my heard goes out to you.

[IngletonRose]

@Mammyloveswine I'm so sorry for your loss & the circumstances, that sounds unbelievably difficult. I am appreciating getting to spend this albeit heartbreaking time with Dad.

That advice is so true, it is just so shit no words do it justice.

Sending you love x

[Mammyloveswine]

@IngletonRose thank you.

How is your dad today? How are you doing?

[IngletonRose]

@Justanotherusername27 Thank you for that recommendation, I watched some of her videos today and they really helped me.

I'm 35 and it does feel too young to be without my Dad, my parents had my later in life and I am my Dad's only child. A true Daddies girl.

I will certainly send you a message, thank you x

[IngletonRose]

@sleeptight1 I'm so sorry for your loss, it's so shit. Tell me about your beautiful Mum? ❤️

[merryandbrightdelight]

Just sending you a handhold op 🌷and to all those on this thread who are/have experienced similar