Struggling to do the right thing

[OrcaWhale]

I'm not sure I'm posting this in the right place. Looking for some perspective or maybe a good shake. My husband died 5 months ago today. Our son was born a week after he died and I've been struggling to maintain relationships with my husbands friends, who are obviously also grieving and want to see our son. After our son was born I was a bit of a mess, sleeping a lot and generally just not at all together. My H had bought us a new house a couple of weeks before he died and our old house he left to his best friend (bf1) who had been living with us for a while ( which I know sounds very weird but was a normal thing for him to have done when viewed as part of a bigger picture) I stayed at our old house for a month after our son was born and my H's two best friends basically looked after our son during that time. They did a great job and one of them is a trustee for our son (bf2) for the money my husband left for him. They have always been my husbands friends first and mine by extension, at times we have all butted heads when it came to looking after my husband who was at very ill for periods of time before he died. Since I have moved, about two hours drive from the original house, I've really struggled to maintain the relationship with h's BF's. I know they loved my H and I know they love our son and want to be near him but having them around reminds me of the man who should be around and who isn't and I feel like without my H there there's no buffer or filter between his friends and I. My husband was the common element and without him there I don't really know how to interact with his friends. BF1 tried a lot at the start to visit and see the baby but I wasn't really all that receptive, I had also met an ex who goes to the same church for a coffee and a chat which upset a lot of people. I had been avoiding chatting with any of his friends for a good few weeks and BF1 arrived unannounced yesterday to see the little one which I hated. I can't really explain my reluctance to have people around and don't know if this is a normal sort of response. I know my H would want them involved in his sons upbringing i just can't seem to let them be involved and feel like they will be judging everything I do. Do I just need to get a grip?

[KateSMumsnet]

Hi there OrcaWhale,

We're so sorry to hear about your loss . Do let us know us know if you'd like us to move your thread to our Bereavement topic.