MIL a bitch, a dead one, but one nonetheless....what do you think?

[ukulelelady]

Am I being unreasonable by calling my dead MIL a bitch. Actually that's only in print I've called her worse. :(
I am a widow with a young son. Me and my OH were together for 15 years before he had his accident. My DS was just 5 weeks old when his dad died. His mum passed away 7 months later of a terminal Illness.

The reason I'm so angry with my sons gran? Why do I think she was a bitch? About 6 years ago my OH bought his mums house. When he died he didn't leave a will. My darling MIL made a will after my partners death to leave the house to my son at the age of 25. In the meantime her friend gets the rental income until my DS reaches 25. Her only family was my son and my partner.

Anyway, this is not a little old me feeling sorry for myself or me being materialistic and greedy.... Personally I couldn't have given a toss what she did with the house IF it was hers! My partner worked bloody hard to buy her her house. He was in tied accommodation with his job so thought of it as his retirement/pension. I am currently working 2 jobs, one of which my house is tied to. I don't know what I'm wanting from posting this. Maybe someone to agree with me would be nice, I feel guilt for calling her names and I feel anger at what she's done. Also as a mother, i cannot understand her cutting us out like this. Ok he gets a house when he's 25..... There were no sentimental items or anything left to him, I'm at a loss to understand this woman who called herself a mother and gran.

Sorry for ranting.

[Jux]

Your MIL was a bitch, btw

[BrianTheMole]

Well sort of Jux. The house did need to be the tenants house. As far as I am aware anyway, I may be wrong, it was many years ago. But there was nothing to stop people gifting the money to the tenant in order to buy. I expect the rules about gifting are very different these days, with our lovely government.

[Onesleeptillwembley]

Ah ok bum just assuming that you had to be the tenant to buy, and also assuming that a discount for the tenant was in place. Happy to be corrected.

[Onesleeptillwembley]

Bum? That was meant to be I'm.

[BrianTheMole]

I know my mum wasn't allowed to have it in her name anyway. Did your brother have an existing tenancy?

[yellowsnownoteatwillyou]

It's a strange one,
Just a question thou, if her friend is getting the rental income, does she then cover the costs of maintaining it?
if your son is very young, does that mean by 25, he gets a house that is needing everything including rewiring/roof? by that time, or would it be maintained since its such a long time. Also surely this would get messy if her friend dies then you might end up having to cover tenant stuff with no benefits.

[Jux]

I certainly wasn't living in a Council house at the time. i just had to live in the Borough in which I was intending to buy. I looked at 6 or 7 Council houses in the area I was living in, but I didn't go ahead with the one I liked.

The flat my brother bought was round the corner from the privately rented flat he had been living in.

The only stipulation either of the two Councils concerned made was that you had to be living in their area.

That's how it was in our London boroughs anyway.

[BrianTheMole]

Oh ok, maybe it was about the tenants discount then at the time.

[TaraLott]

As an unmarried woman with a partner of some 28 years, this is why women are more protected in marriage.

Not fair but sadly true.

[TaraLott]

And yes, I totally agree that your MiL was worse than a bitch.

An awful thing for her to have done.

[hoppinghare]

She has done a hateful and spiteful thing. That was your money and she has effectively stolen it from you and your son. Horrible.

[UKAS]

Of course it was brought fraudulently. If it was legal, the house would have been in his name and reverted to his son on his death. It had to be bought in MIL's name because she was the only person (as the tenant) entitled to buy it at the discounted price.

Of course you don't deserve it Op but you should at least acknowledge that by doing a dodgy deal your OH left his son exposed and denied another family of the opportunity to have a council house. Assuming MIL never had the funds or inclination to buy it herself, it would now be available for the council to let, rather than providing a nice income for MIL's friend. If Dh had invested legally you/Ds would have received the fund on his death.

There are no guarantees that he would have received his "pension" even if he'd out-lived her. Anything can happen in families and if she saw it that he had bought it "for her" (which he did, legally) she could have left it to the cats home or sold it years ago and gone on a cruise with the proceeds.

Have to say, if I had a substantial asset to leave to a teenager, I might take steps to ensure he didn't get access to it until he was old enough to be trusted to be sensible with it - don't understand leaving the rental income elsewhere though which does make it sound as though she had some sort of score to settle and was thoroughly unpleasant (unless there is a good reason she felt obliged to support friend) However, your OH does bear much of the responsibility for the position you find yourself in.

Another thought - when was the will made and what was her health etc like? Is it possible the friend exerted any pressure?

[Blu]

Umm, well it wasn't actually bought fraudulently because it was bought on behalf of the resident, the MIL, and she continued to live in it and treat it in her will as if it was hers. He was giving here the money to buy her council house. And the upshot is, it was hers.

I am really sorry your dp died, terrible circumstances, OP, and to have been left as you have, single parent, your little boy not knowing his father.

It was a real shame that your dp and your mil did not make wills when they entered into this agreement, and that your dp did not make sure your mil had watertight will early on in the arrangement. Because the truth is that without that it was a risky way to plan his pension anyway. With the house in his Mum's name, it could have been lost had she needed long term residential care, had she suddenly decided to marry a man who then outlived her...lawyers writing wills cover every scenario of who might decease fjrst.

Did her friend help her a lot during her illness? Or are there things about her life that you might not know that that would explain it? When your mil discussed her various versions did she give any explanation as to why she wouldn't just leave it to her grandson?

I am not surprised you are upset.

[UKAS]

Blu, it wasn't fraudulent if he bought if for the tenant (MIL) but then it would legitimately be hers to do with as she saw fit (which she did) It was fraudulent if the intention was that he was acquiring an investment.

That said, assuming there's been no big falling out, I do think it's likely that MIL had a reason for doing what she did. I suspect there was more to the relationship with the friend than Op is aware of.

[Timetoask]

Is the friend going to look after the property as well? Fix things, replace things, keep it in good order?
How old is the friend and what will happen if he/she dies?

[SanityClause]

The house was bought for the MIL to live in, so it was not bought illegally. The mother and son had a spoken understanding that the house would belong to the son, on her death.

Unfortunately, the son died before the mother.

She did not acted honourably, IMO, and was therefore a BITCH!

[landoflostcontent]

What happens if the friend dies before your son reaches the age of 25? Who would get the rental income then and who would be responsible for the house?

[ukulelelady]

Morning all, it wasn't fraudulent UKass, as he bought it for his mum to live in which she did and as he lived in tied accommodation it gave him security that in the future he had a house should annoying happen to his job.
The solicitor urged mil and oh to make wills in regard to the house and eventually it was agreed who ever died first the other owned the house. Can I also clarify this was about 6 years before my son was born and about 5 years before any signs of illness/health problems for my mil.

And yes, the friend was a good friend and was there for her through a lot of hardships. My oh didn't like or trust the friend or friends family though but obv not enough to make sure there were provisions if the worst happened.

At the time I spoke to my oh and said what if your mum remarries? He said she would make sure it still went to him....
Yes the friend has to make sure the house is kept in good repair and she is responsible for upkeep. I think, I will need to get advice on this, that if the friend dies it reverts to my son.
Yes I agree with a lot of you my dp was an idiot, but my mil is still a bitch.

I think what really hurts is that mil was widowed when my oh was a young boy, so she knew exactly a lot of the struggles I'm dealing with and she could have made things easier for me and ultimately better for her only GS. But yeah, can't remember who said it but she's making sure I don't get any of it. She knew me well and knows I'm not extravagant or money grabbing. I shop in charity shops, I've had one holiday abroad in the last 5 years, a treat is a bottle of wine at the weekend or an occasional take away. I can't remember the last time I was at the hairdressers.....

[ukulelelady]

Sorry, ukas, bloody autocorrect.

[ukulelelady]

I am slowly getting on with my life and my situation could be a lot worse. I refuse to let it eat away at me and I'm normally a happy optimistic person who sees the best in people. Thanks, this has been really insightful and made me think about e situation differently. It's also nice to know its ok to call her a bitch!

[Armadale]

I wonder if it is worth getting a second legal opinion?

I was under the impression that you couldn't hold off inheritance until 25 any more??

I know it is not quite the same but one of my relatives very sadly lost her mum in an accident when she was three, and will come into a lot of money when she is 18 (car insurance payouts, life insurance etc) and the family are very worried about the fact that the moment she turns 18 she will suddenly have access to a huge amount of money, so sought legal advice to see if they could delay it until 21 or 25 and were told they could not....

I know it is not quite the same situation, but if you could challenge the inheritance date down to 18 it would effectively get 7 years of rental income away from friend and towards your son.

Perhaps if you post in legal someone who is actually qualified around this stuff might be able to suggest something??

I am very sorry for the loss of your husband

[zipzap]

It's interesting to hear that your mil was also widowed young... Most reasonable people would do as you said - understand the hardship and want to make life better for her grandson if she possibly could in any way.

On the other hand - as your mil has so aptly demonstrated - those of a bitchy disposition will see it as a reason to say I had to suffer, I didn't get any help, why should you? You should suffer like I did'.

Which of course makes it an even nastier thing to do as she knew exactly what she was doing

[ssd]

op, your dp wasn't an idiot...who has all their affairs in order, when they are still relatively young, just incase something awful happens? ok some people do, but most of us don't, as we cant face the thought of dying young and leaving our children..we bury our heads in the sand instead and hope tomorrow we can sort it out and face it...dont let anyone here tell you otherwise, you've faced enough hardship ..and yes your MIL was a prize bitch, but I'd fight tooth and nail to contest this, if one lawyer tells you theres nothing they can do find another one...good luck

[Littleen]

I'm sorry, I have no advice to give, but I can completely understand you feel hard done by! This sounds so wrong, and 'bitch' would be an understatement.