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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

does teacher not like my child????

65 replies

glitterandsparkle · 13/10/2008 20:27

please help cos i need some advice! DD 4.5 started reception this year, only been there 4 weeks and teacher has already had her in front of the headmaster twice. once for pulling hair (every day for a week) then again for not listening in class. i think this is extreme!!! Her behaviour then improved massively and we though it was over and done with but then DD had a few days off because she was poorly. Now she has gone back and for last 3 days has been scribbling on the tables in class, today she put glue in her hair and then tried to cut it.

i had chat with teacher last week and apologised for DD behaviour but said that i felt she just needed time to settle in. Teacher was lovely to my face but a part of me feels like she has got it in for my DD and wont give her a chance.

My DD is a very bright and energetic child and i wonder that she is not being managed properly. i am not excusing any of what she has done but i feel that its all pretty minor, if she was smashing up the class or beating up the kids then i could excuse the teachers stern look all the time but i feel like she is expecting 100% perfect behaviour from 4 yr olds and she is just not going to get it!!

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Blandmum · 13/10/2008 21:26

Blimey, I would be jolly cross with my kids if they had been pulling someone's hair.

Teacher doesn't like your child's behaviour.
there is a difference

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glitterandsparkle · 13/10/2008 21:30

thank you TIGERMOTH i needed to hear that. i am sat here crying now because its all becoming alot clearer. the earlier posts where very harsh especially cos i have been a MNer for years and always got lots of support on other issues. thank you all again for helping me see the bigger picture, perhaps the teacher is not such a dragon after all LOL

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anyfucker · 13/10/2008 21:33

glitter, my apologies for harshness

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stealthsquiggle · 13/10/2008 21:33

Actually I meant did sending her to the head have the desired "I never want that to happen again" effect?

I honestly think the teacher is taking the approach she thinks will work best with a bright, (over)exuberant child - and I very much doubt that she actively dislikes your DD.

Good luck with it - I guess everyone has challenges with their DC starting school - this is yours, other mothers will be wishing their DC would go in without wailing, or be brave enough to get into trouble....

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laughalot · 13/10/2008 21:34

I do think that 4 is a bit young to be pulled in front of the headmaster. I do feel for you gliterandsparkle because my ds sounds like exactly like your dd and when you have a extremely lively child who needs constant stimulation it is hard to see your child being constantly punished. I find with my ds school even thought he is still in nursery that the average child gets the attention and the high energy children are left to do there own thing and hence get into trouble. My ds is extremely bright but the time seems to be spent with the children who are struggling. The nursery foundation teacher has even admitted that she hopes he gets the attention in fulltime school else she thinks he will start messing around. It isnt nice what she has done but she is 4 and in my eyes are way to young to be at school. It is so nice to see the support you have had on here . Hope it gets better.

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Joolyjoolyjoo · 13/10/2008 21:38

I kinda agree with the others, but I do also see it from your point of view, glitterandsparkle. My dd is 4 and has just started school this year, and it is hard handing over that control and taking a step back. My dd recently had her first parents' evening, and I went along confident that she would have wowed her teacher, as I know she is coping well with the work and really enjoying school, and I am so proud of her. The teacher said that she was doing really well, BUT "needs to learn to follow instructions" On further questioning, she listens fine when it is instructions about her work, but will sometimes (gasp, horror!) not put her coat on the first time she is told!!

Now, at first I thought this was a bit petty- she is 4. She often needs to be told more than once to do something. She is a lovely kid, but a bit ditzy. But then I realised that if you have 25 kids to control and get to put their coats on, it becomes more important that they all listen, so I guess it becomes more of a problem for her teacher than it would be to me. I guess what I'm trying to ramble my way round to is, that although it might not seems a big deal at home, it may be more so in a classroom situation, and the teacher only has certain ways in which he/ she is supposed/ allowed to deal with things- it may be that a trip to the head is school policy, I don't know. I think you and I both are going to have to learn to take the teacher's opinion less personally!

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glitterandsparkle · 13/10/2008 21:41

thank you AF. LAUGHALOT it sounds as though you have some sense of where i am coming from, i was told by primary teacher when DD only 2 that they prefer all children to be at the same level otherwise some do get left to their own devices, yet i fully appreciate that the teachers have to acommodate all.

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Heated · 13/10/2008 21:41

Actually the glue in her hair and her method for solving the problem made me - especially picturing your face at the school gate if she had managed to give herself a DIY crop! At least it was her own hair - unlike my great-aunt who confessed to leaning across the table and cutting off one of the plaits of a girl in primary school .

The supervision of your dd sounds excellent. The drawing on tables and hairpulling have to be nipped in the bud. I can promise you that the teacher won't have it in for her but it sounds as if she's taken a course of action best designed to get results.

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glitterandsparkle · 13/10/2008 21:42

I agree JOLLY

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TheFallenMadonna · 13/10/2008 21:44

I expect the teacher would be mortified to know you think she doesn't like your child. And "had her in front of the headmaster" possibly has different connotations for we adults, with our more recent experience of secondary school, than for young primary children today. Was the Head just re-inforcing the message about hair-pulling perhaps?

Were they just to leave her to continue doing these things unchecked, then they wouldn't be managing her properly.

How has she reacted to all this BTW?

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SmugColditz · 13/10/2008 23:57

If you have been raising her with the attitude that everything she does is just high spirits and she is never really naughty, then I find it entirely unsurprising that she has gone to school pulling hair and drawing on furniture.

My son is naughty at school sometimes. They punish him. If he is upset by being punished, he should stop being naughty. I apply the same reasoning to all children barring those with disorders preventing them controlling their behavior to an age appropriate level, and teachers also apply this reasoning - this includes your daughter.

You say the nursery she was at was more relaxed - well, nurseries are, and all the children in the class will have come from nursery. They are all in the same boat. How would you feel to see your daughters hair being pulled every day by a child who wasn't being disciplined for it - it wouldn't feel good, right? Well, that's why your daughter is being disciplined!

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MrsMattie · 14/10/2008 00:22

Crikey, this kid is 4 yrs old and has done a bit of hair pulling and monkeying around. In most countries children aren't even at school at this age. All this talk of 'doing wrong' and 'being punished'. Get over yourselves!

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tigermoth · 14/10/2008 08:10

Glitterandsparkle isn't saying her dd should NOT be disciplined for hair pulling AFAIK.

What she is doing is querying the method of disciplining. As G&S and her dd are new to the school - new to any school in fact - IMO this is a very reasonable question for her to ask.

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cory · 14/10/2008 08:11

We're not all talking of wrongdoing MrsMattie, just of something that needs to be stopped for the sake of the other children. (a 4yo can easily be very frightened by a more boisterous child, as was my ds)

I think it's the headteacher thing that simpply has totally different associations in a modern reception class to what it does for us adults. Our head frequently dealt with little problems like this, she was an absolutely lovely woman and the children adored her. It had nothing to do with the kind of Being Sent To The Head that some of us may remember from our schooldays. Repeat, unless there is something wrong with this
particular head, this is not a draconaian punishment.

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cory · 14/10/2008 08:20

To me (having seen a succession of cuddly headteachers at dc's infants), having a quiet time with the head would seem a gentler way of dealing with the problem than leaving it to be resolved in the classroom with all the other children looking on and a stressed teacher trying to deal with everything at once.

Don't assume it's the Naughty Step- it may equally well be the Quiet Time Out as practised by liberal and gentle parents.

Anyway, I'm sure your dd will settle in and be fine. These transition are stressful, but they pass before you know it. Best way to help your dd through it is to seem as calm as you can.