I finally plucked up the courage to ask a girl dd likes from school on a picnic with dd and I and it was such a disaster!

[imaginaryfriend]

My dd's very shy (I've posted about it on here lots) and doesn't make friends easily. We do have some really good close friends outside of school who she gets along really well with but at school she tends to drift around on her own.

Like daughter like mother I'm also shy. But I promised myself that this summer we'd make a huge effort to be more sociable so I got the phone number off the mum of a girl dd has mentioned liking at the start of the holidays, texted her last week and we went for a picnic yesterday.

And it was dreadful. It was a nightmare. I don't know what went wrong to make it so bad. It was a gorgeous day, we had a great spot in our local woodlands area. Dd was initially a bit standoffish (which is normal for her) and either that or something I can't work out set the other girl off and she became really unpleasant. She kept whispering 'I hate you' in dd's ear then ended up kicking her mum and her baby brother and saying she hated them. Then she tantrummed and sulked and nothing would turn her round. My dd went incredibly quiet, sat on my knee and would only say 'xx isn't being nice today'. In the end I suggested to the mum that we call it a bad day and try again another time. She was clearly mortified and kept repeating that this was really unusual for her dd.

After we parted dd burst into tears and is now terrified that the other girl will be mean to her at school / will 'hate me forever'.

I'm going over and over it trying to think why it went so spectacularly wrong (it really was spectacularly awful, only about 20 minutes at the start was the other girl speaking to anybody, then 1.5 hours of misery) and if somehow dd makes other kids feel uncomfortable or I do.

The first thing dd said when she woke up this morning was 'remember xx?' then burst into tears.

[Marina]

And was thinking of Greenwich Park legalalien if you want to bring along a nicely-spoken toddler! Erm, he'll be in a minority of one though . Ds is eight and usually remembers to lay off the schoolboy humour in front of tiny children, but I can't guarantee this

[imaginaryfriend]

legalalien, thank you.

Marina I'll reply when I get it.

My diary is filling up, up, up ...

[imaginaryfriend]

Greenwich park is one of our favourite places. Do you live near there legalalien?

Marina, Dd will be in awe of your 8-year-old's humour and no doubt repeat all of it as soon as we're on the way home.

[legalalien]

greenwich park sounds great (but can only do weekends sadly since work full time, so might count me out?). DS can survive anything, as used to hanging out with a bunch of rowdy australian adults . If he loses interest I can always drag him away to the maritime museum.

[legalalien]

I was in SE4, but now SE21, but close enough since DS loves trains anyway.

thinking about it, could also do lunchtime on a weekday if planned in advance, since easy DLR trip to greenwich (am at the wharf). (nanny cld bring along ds)

[hatwoman]

IF - kids are strange like that! I;ve had similar - been told how well dd and someone else get on only to have it all come tumbling down on a play date. I didn;t mean to imply that I thought you might be putting pressure on her - just trying to reassure you that it's all very normal and actively viewing it that way can only be a positive thing

[imaginaryfriend]

I can do weekends. Sunday is better than Saturday though.

[mears]

imaginaryfriend - I have 4 children and they never play with each other

I thought in an earlier post you said she had friends outwith school? That was why i suggested leaving school ones out during the holidays. Did I get that wrong?

[hatwoman]

at all you se londoners meeting up. you always seem like the nice ones...

[imaginaryfriend]

No, you're not wrong, I did mention that. She does have 2 very good friends. I meant more that we have to do playdates (including those friends) or she wouldn't see any kids for the hols.

[imaginaryfriend]

You're seem extremely nice hatwoman. Move to the ugly city?

[foxinsocks]

I can see what you mean about your dd being the only one imaginaryfriend but with siblings, I think it can make it even more obvious where the shy/socially awkward one's social skills are lacking. Ds is actually shyer than dd but is far better at making friends.

I do think it's also an age thing. Even the shyest child in dd's class now has quite a few friends she plays with regularly.

What happens when you go to playgrounds?

[imaginaryfriend]

If she goes to a playground with one of her cosy friends she goes off and plays with them. She's got better and better at doing this. Only 6 months ago she'd have sat by my side and watched for at least half the time. If we go to a playground just she and I she goes on the slide / swings etc. then usually wants to go home. She never plays with other kids there if that's what you mean?

[Marina]

Well, we could make it bottom of the end of the park, nearish to the DLR station, and of course the playground and the cafe in the museum
Tell you what, legalalien, could you CAT imaginaryfriend, or vice versa, because she will shortly have my message with my best dates...and we'll take it from there
Hatwoman, us SE Londoners have to be nice to each other to make up for having no Underground, no Culture and lots of Mean Suburban Streets

[imaginaryfriend]

Ahem, Marina, I live very close to the Jubilee Line.

[hatwoman]

well us sw londoners also have no underground. and I bet we have less culture. but I guess we don't have many mean streets. the only hoodies we get are the girls from Surbiton High on PE day...

[Dinosaur]

Ooh I'd be up for a potter to Greenwich Park! We met up with Aloha and her DCs there a few weeks ago.

[foxinsocks]

well it's good that when she's with a cosy friend, she'll actually play with them. I know what you mean about the standing right by you thing - honestly, I think you'll start seeing enormous changes as she goes through school.

Just reading your posts has made me realise how far we have come with dd. She used to SOB when we went to the playground because she didn't want to leave my side. I can remember trying to coax her away from me and getting quite pissed off on ocassion . Now she will run off and is even starting to play with other children (especially if her brother isn't with her).

I think you may find that at age 4, they haven't quite got the whole play together thing.

[foxinsocks]

[Marina]

You are the honourable exception then IF , but a lot of SE London is a Tubeless wasteland of semis, dinged-up playgrounds and alcopops chuggers (well my bit is, I'm not sure about bosky SE21 )
Hatwoman, we do let people from the Westworld venture over too

[hatwoman]

I was just thinking "oh gawd I've probably offended fox"!

[Marina]

and we even welcome dinosaurs from North of the River^ too

[Dinosaur]

And the East? Please say the East too? [breathless]

[Dinosaur]

x-post

[Marina]

Of course, I was about to say, "but you have Foxinsocks