I finally plucked up the courage to ask a girl dd likes from school on a picnic with dd and I and it was such a disaster!

[imaginaryfriend]

My dd's very shy (I've posted about it on here lots) and doesn't make friends easily. We do have some really good close friends outside of school who she gets along really well with but at school she tends to drift around on her own.

Like daughter like mother I'm also shy. But I promised myself that this summer we'd make a huge effort to be more sociable so I got the phone number off the mum of a girl dd has mentioned liking at the start of the holidays, texted her last week and we went for a picnic yesterday.

And it was dreadful. It was a nightmare. I don't know what went wrong to make it so bad. It was a gorgeous day, we had a great spot in our local woodlands area. Dd was initially a bit standoffish (which is normal for her) and either that or something I can't work out set the other girl off and she became really unpleasant. She kept whispering 'I hate you' in dd's ear then ended up kicking her mum and her baby brother and saying she hated them. Then she tantrummed and sulked and nothing would turn her round. My dd went incredibly quiet, sat on my knee and would only say 'xx isn't being nice today'. In the end I suggested to the mum that we call it a bad day and try again another time. She was clearly mortified and kept repeating that this was really unusual for her dd.

After we parted dd burst into tears and is now terrified that the other girl will be mean to her at school / will 'hate me forever'.

I'm going over and over it trying to think why it went so spectacularly wrong (it really was spectacularly awful, only about 20 minutes at the start was the other girl speaking to anybody, then 1.5 hours of misery) and if somehow dd makes other kids feel uncomfortable or I do.

The first thing dd said when she woke up this morning was 'remember xx?' then burst into tears.

[legalalien]

Marina - did you and IF decide to do anything this weekend? I know she's away on holiday this week. If you do decide to go to Greenwich on Monday am definitely up for it - but can you post details here since won't have access to email.

if not, have a great weekend - apparently the weather is going to clear up, but I have my doubts!

[imaginaryfriend]

Hello Quattro!

Ok Marina, I'll CAT you.

I met with my old friend, mother of dd's closest mate, yesterday and she knows the dd and her mum who we met last week. She couldn't believe that the dd behaved like that, she's never seen her misbehave at all before let alone so spectacularly. That and the fact that the mother didn't reply to my text are leaving me strangely worried that it was in some way our fault. Or that she thinks it was.

I'd like to try again somewhere with a more definite focus so they don't have any pressure to 'get on' in the same way. But I think if I text her again it'll seem a bit weird won't it?

[Quattrocento]

I am echoing what all the others have said:

Not your fault
Don't lose heart
Try again
Don't let DD see that you are upset about it. Do bright and breezy.
We've all had playdate disasters.

[Marina]

IF, I didn't get the mail. I am having some very annoying problems with some replies to my usual mail account at the mo.
If you are able to CAT, could you CAT me instead because those do get through OK

[imaginaryfriend]

Oh, hatwoman, I'd love to meet you too!

Marina, I replied to your email.

Going back to my original thread before I became a major party-planner, I still haven't had a reply from the mum from yesterday.

[hatwoman]

what a nice thread! while I'd love to come and meet you we too are away that weekend.

[imaginaryfriend]

Her skin is so much better now fox. That's why I've been daring to head out with her a bit more. I'm probably in danger of trying too hard though.

[foxinsocks]

that would be lovely if! I bet your dd's confidence will improve as her skin clears up too - must have been very annoying for her (we can't do the bank holiday weekend as we're not around but I will fix up a date to come to Greenwich Park on a Sunday at some point. We have a fair few people to drop into that way now!).

[imaginaryfriend]

bank holiday would be better for me ...

[Fimbo]

I love Greenwich, we spent a week there in a small house off Point Hill in May. Pah why didn't I think before I could have met you all.

[legalalien]

still forget about uk bank holidays after seven years here! 27th also fine.

[imaginaryfriend]

With my new-found sociability I would contact Bambi-girl's mum but I have no way of contacting her until the new term.

[imaginaryfriend]

I'm just so sociable I feel weak.

Sunday 26 good for me. We get back from hols the day before so probably not early morning but lunchtime / afternoon would work. The following day is a bank holiday too if that would suit anybody else?

CG yes in hindsight we didn't choose the best location. We should have met somewhere with a joint focus. I've got used to dd with her familiar friends just going off to play but that doesn't work with someone you don't know so well does it?

[CarGirl]

read the first dozen or so posts - I wonder if you'd be better meeting at a playground or a paddling pool - try bambi girl's Mum again. Then there is something for them to do if they want to avoid talking to each other. Ask Bambi girl's mum if she'd give it a try as you'd enjoy the adult company and if the girls don't play together its not a problem? Same goes for a new play date with the other girl?

[Marina]

I can bring rounders kit if required

[Marina]

26th best for me of those two legalalien, hope others can make it too (shame to miss out on Dino's adorable guys though, hope the hols go really well )
See, IF, look what you started

[legalalien]

have lost my CAT-virginity and sent message to IF: marina if you're organising via thread, can do 26th and 2nd (see IF can't do 19th).

[Dinosaur]

You are, imaginaryfriend, you are!

You might get to meet my admittedly very outgoing but also painfully bumptious and extremely camp six year old DS2. You will appreciate the virtues of your sweet, gentle and lovely-sounding dd all the more after that, I can guarantee!

Marina, I am just about to bugger off to Ireland (hence whale-spotting ref on other thread earlier) and the DSs and I won't all be back in London together until the last Sunday of the hols. But please don't organise around me - if you want to do a different Sunday, that's absolutely fine and maybe we can try and do another weekendy thing in Greenwich in the early Autumn [smile}?

[imaginaryfriend]

Marina that would be really lovely. A Sunday afternoon in Greenwich. There is only one Sunday I definitely can't make, Sunday 19th.

gotta nip off for a while now to get some lunch.

I feel thoroughly cheered up. Thanks everyone.

[imaginaryfriend]

fox I would love to meet you and your dd.

[imaginaryfriend]

Can this be true? [amazed, incredulous, delighted gawky grin]

I start a thread about dd and I being socially inept and it's turned into a cross-London meet-up possibility!

Wow, maybe I'm a social magnet after all ...

[lucykate]

oh no IF, so sorry the playdate went down the pan. if it helps, we often have playdates that go wrong. our neighbours children are the same age as ours, so we end up having lots of get togethers, sometimes its great, but sometimes when they're not on form, it is a disaster, ends in tears and tantrums. the girls fall out and say they don't want to be friends anymore (bit difficult as we live next door to each other and they are both in the same class from sept for yr1), and the boys start hitting each other over the head with matchbox cars.

[Marina]

I am feeling a Sunday afternoon in Greenwich Park before we all go back to school meet-up, evolving here
Am happy to coordinate - or attempt to.

[Marina]

Of course, I was about to say, "but you have Foxinsocks

[Dinosaur]

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