Newborn's and Controlled Crying?

[asampras]

Can you use the controlled crying method with newborn's or are they just too young. Secondly is controlled crying leaving them to cry until they sleep or allowing them to cry for a while then picking them up to comfort them and then put them down again?!

It's causing arguments with my husband who is afraid our baby will grow accustomed to being held until she falls asleep and thinks we should leave her to cry to sleep and me who thinks at 2 weeks old she is too young for this method and can't bear to hear her crying until she's red in the face and hysterical!

[3easterbunniesandnomore]

mrs Harry, agree with the previous poster...lol...what you might think you might do wiht your child before you have it can be completely different once you have them...
I did read loads of books, all different styles, not so much as to find things I wanted to follow, just to learn about different angles and sometimes a book can give you an idea, and othertimes you will just think "what a loada tosh"....
There really is no point in worrying about this sort of thing, yet...

[MrsHarry]

Thanks for the replies, but I'm still none the wiser about Controlled Crying! I'm certainly not trying to find all the answers and do indeed tend to go with the flow but am really just interested in this debate about CC and am curious to know what it actually is, and what the alternatives are.

[MrsHarry]

Just to be clear, it's not that I'm planning to do or not do any one particular thing with my baby, it's just that obviously at this stage I'm interested in what the possibilities are.
I do realise that bables are different and I will have to see what mine is like. However I do like to understand things I'm reading about on the threads!

[3easterbunniesandnomore]

OK On CC...there are differenent versions under different names, but most mean pretty much the same thing (other then CIO, whihc just means letting them cry it out wihtout seeing to them...shudder)...
Basically though, the theory of CC is that you leave your Baby to settle themselfs...i.r. even if they cry, you go out of view, and then you go back after a certain amount of time and shush, or talk or reassure them in whatever way you choose for a certian amount of time, and then you go back out and repeat this, whilest possibly increasing the timespan inbetween leaving...
some books advice to start wiht a minute and work up to 3 or 5 the first night, then the next night start with 5 minute going up to 15 minutes, and so on...others advice to not leave more then 3 minutes between going in...some advice not to talk to your child, or not to pick them up, others advice to try and reassure them in the usual manner...
so, as you can see , it's not a straight forward issue.
Argument for is...that a child old enough will elarn this way that night time is a time for sleep and they will learn to settle themselfs, rather then to depend on mummies boobie or whatever...
Argument against...people worry it could psychologically damage their child and lead to all sort of disturbances in their devellopement!

Most books now advice that a child needs to be a minimum of 6 month, alhtough I thin even the famous Dr. Ferber now advices they need to be nearer a year....

Hope that sort of summons it up and gives you a rough idea

[3easterbunniesandnomore]

askbaby on sleeptraining methods

[MrsHarry]

Thanks for that 3EB, it is what I've been reading about but didn't know it was also called CC. Out of interest, Annabel Karmel in First Year Planner talks about using this strategy to get into a routine from about 3-4 months....she also makes it sound very logical and feasible too.

[MrsHarry]

Thanks for the link as well...that arrived while I was still writing reply!

[3easterbunniesandnomore]

hm...don't know her book...for me she is more the Babyfood lady, lol...didn't realise she has a Baby advice book out, too, lol!

Personally I don't think a Baby would benefit until they are older and well, if you have problems, and have tried anything else, i.e. gentler methods, to no avail ...only then would I personally say to try CC....but, tht is just m opinion, and no more than that

[MerryMarigold]

I would describe myself as quite a 'strict' mum, but I would never leave my newborn to cry unless I really couldn't handle the crying and needed some space.

I read in a book that the first 6 months of a baby's development are about building trust with the parents and responding the baby's needs are vital to this.

You can certainly 'train' a baby nopt to cry this way (they will quickly learn there is no point), but in my opinion it wouldn't cry unless it NEEDED something - babies don't just 'want' randomly at this stage. Even if the need is just for close physical contact, a cuddle and not food - cuddles are a need for babies. She has been next to you for 9 months after all.

I don't think it is right to do cc on a baby this age at all. I don't disagree with cc, we started at 8 months old and it worked very quickly.

[3catstoo]

No!!! Don't even go there! Babies wake up, it's a fact. They have tiny stomachs that can hold so much milk.

I won't go on.

I absolutely do NOT agree with controlled crying at any age but especially not newborn.

[kiskidee]

Mrs Harry: there are 2 books which i have come across that i would recommend for babies in the first year.

Baby Bliss by Dr Harvey Karp which i recommended to asampras very early in this thread

and

The Social Baby by Lynne Murray and Liz Andrews.

the social baby is fascinating because it shows, through actual photographs and short comments how a baby (as early as 17 minutes old in this book) starts to communicate with people. It is just up to the adults to actually see that they are actually communicating in order to respond in an appropriate manner. If you don't already have these two (and i know, i bought and read a lot of books i turned out i didn't / shouldn't have had to) look them up while you still have time to read in peace.

if i only had these two books they would have saved me a lot of unnecessary worry.

also visit this website: the children's project which published the book and definitely look at there other items on their books and shopping links.

[dionnelorraine]

Wondered how long it would take you to get on this thread Kiskidee!

[kiskidee]

By kiskidee on Tue 03-Apr-07 00:35:53
that was when i came on the first time ....


and this was when the original poster posted.
By asampras on Tue 03-Apr-07 00:28:53

and your point is..... ?

[shonaspurtle]

MrsHarry - I would also recommend The Social Baby which I bought after seeing it mentioned on here.

My baby was actually a bit too old by the time I bought it as I think it would have been particularly reassuring to have had it in the early weeks.

If you'd like to borrow it then CAT me and I'll gladly lend you my copy. You could just post it back to me when you're finished with it.

[dionnelorraine]

forgot about your earlier Kiskidee. Was a comment in jest anyway. i do respect your opinion, just dont agree with it.

[MrsHarry]

Hi Kiskidee and Shona Spurtle, thanks for your book recommendations, and SS thanks so much for your offer to lend The Social Baby to me. I'm going to investigate them both but if I decide to read it I will buy it....I am a bit of a book fiend and would rather have my own copy (just in case I drop it in the bath or something!!)... but thanks for the offer, I really appreciate it.

Still on the subject of CC, I'm amazed now at just how much I've read, in loads of different places, that advocate this method and make it sound like the accepted thing to do in establishing a sleep routine. I'm not saying I agree with it, just that before I came on this thread I had been given the impression that it was the logical thing to try after about 3-4 months.

I think I'd actually better just stop reading things, wait till I've got the real thing and find out what he/she wants to do!....DH keeps telling me I'm finding out too much information!!

[taliac]

I found Andrea Grace (does sleep advice for Mother & Baby magazine) very good. Very baby centred, accepts that sometimes you can't avoid some tears (mostly of frustration) as your baby learns how to go off to sleep without your help (after 6 months!), but doesn't advocate leaving them to cry alone. Her site is www.andreagrace.co.uk and there's a really useful bit covering the first year in the How To section with a fab bedtime routine suggestion.

[kellogs]

Hi all
I first started the controlled crying when my son reached 18 months, i would put him to bed at his bedtime & i would give him 5 minutes then i'd go in soothe him then leave him. I'd add a minute on the time each time i left the room. It only lasted three days before he realised that i would not answer his cries straight away.
I think that controlled crying before the age of 18 months is wrong & could potentially be dangerous.

[Gemmitygem]

haven't read whole thread but think that even newborns, sometimes once you've fed, changed, cuddled them, need to vent for a bit. I'm not saying for ages, but DS would always cry for exactly 10 mins, then go to sleep. It was agonising not going to him straight away,but if I just waited those 10 mins, he went to sleep peacefully. I do think sometimes it's more the mother that needs the cuddle. Of course newborns need love and cuddling, and I wouldn't call it controlled crying, but I don't think it does any harm for them to have an end of day whinge-down. You can't take away all their pain or understand why they cry sometimes, and that is hard to accept as a mother. ...

just my 2 p

[christysinclair]

I had real trouble with my first child. There are a lot of books out there that can help. If you're organised you can get a contented quiet baby. I feel it?s about a routine. It?s hard to start with but if you are regimented your child learns the routine instinctively and they?ll be comfortable with it. You don?t have to be a machine and the routine can be broken if needs be but its funny who we both, the baby and I, got very used to it very quickly. If you want a bit of light relief from all that mothering check out the funny slummy-yummy.com website questionnaire.