Newborn's and Controlled Crying?

[asampras]

Can you use the controlled crying method with newborn's or are they just too young. Secondly is controlled crying leaving them to cry until they sleep or allowing them to cry for a while then picking them up to comfort them and then put them down again?!

It's causing arguments with my husband who is afraid our baby will grow accustomed to being held until she falls asleep and thinks we should leave her to cry to sleep and me who thinks at 2 weeks old she is too young for this method and can't bear to hear her crying until she's red in the face and hysterical!

[monkeyandcheekychops]

I had a conversation like this with my mum when I was expecting my first dc.

She said that CC with babies is like teaching your baby it has to cry at a certain volume or for a certain amount of time before you'll pick him up, i.e. baby learns screaming gets attention instead of first whimper gets attention.

It made sense to me and I cuddled and stayed close to mine as much as I could and very quickly understood what different cries meant, and even then they weren't half as loud as some babies I've seen!

Also I think I read somewhere that you can't "spoil" a baby or develop long term habits until they are 5 months old?

[3easterbunniesandnomore]

may I just say here though, that some Baby's will just scream, no matter how much you pik them up and try to make things right for them...ys was very much an unhappy soul and still is a bit "delicate" in his nature, sigh....and no matter how much he was cuddled and picked up and carried in a sling, etc...helped...

[madamez]

Cuddle your baby all you like. Newborns are primitive little orgasms, not capable of being 'naughty', they need lots of cuddles as well as constant emptying at one end and filling at the other. And cuddling them is lovely anyway.

Hving said that, some cry a lot more than others, and while CC is not a good idea, if you have one that cries a lot and, now and again, you feel you have to put the baby down for 5 minutes and leave the room, then that's OK too.

[mummytosteven]

with a very young baby there are a few things you can do to try and help them distinguish night from day - night feeds in a dimly lit room without telly on and not playing/being entertaining, regular bath time then bed time to help her get used to the idea of a nighttime routine. I found with DS that stroking him in his moses basket helped rather than picking him up again, but then DS wasn't a very tactile baby, some babies do need a lot of cuddles!

[ScottishThistle]

madamez surely you meant organisms?

Enjoy your tiny bundle!

[Chandra]

No, never on a newborn. Newborns are meant to wake up all the time, they are hungry, they are wet and can not understand yet how things work outside tummy.

[Chandra]

PMSL MAdamez!

Although, if we go back to the origin of the problem, perhaps they were

[hunkermunker]

This thread title gives me an unhappy shiver every time I see it

Newborns are there to cuddle and comfort - wait till they're not cute before you pull the pillow over your head and mutter "ah, shuttit"

[madamez]

Er, whoops. I did once have to point out to an aspring erotic writer that he/she had made the reverse mistake all the way through his/her novel.. er maybe that's my excuse.

[dionnelorraine]

Morning Asampras. Please tell me you have been cuddling and comforting your baby lots and lots and thrown the sill controlled crying idea out the window! Along with the hubby if he still insists on it!!

[daisyhun]

Hi asampras - I have been where you are very recently and it's so hard at first! I had a heartless health visitor who recommended controlled crying at 2 weeks in response to me confessing that I was shattered and worried about my dd being cuddled to sleep every night.

I didn't do the controlled crying - it was totally against my instincts - and I am SO GLAD I didn't. It went against everyone's advice on MNET also! Thank goodness for MNET!

My dd is now 10 weeks and by about 5 weeks she showed massive signs of improvement - by 6/7 weeks she was going into her moses basket awake and falling asleep herself.

I really feel for you as the first few weeks are so hard and you want to do the best by your baby and you as parents too - and not create a rod for your back.

I too was really worried about creating a rod for my own back by cuddling dd to sleep but it's a new process for her too - she doesn't know what she is supposed to do at bedtime yet, and needs to build up trust with you and feel secure.

Cuddle cuddle cuddle as much as she needs it at this age - she will learn about bedtime very quickly but for now PLEASE don't stress, do whatever feels natural and don't stress too much about routine etc - it will come in time.

Good luck and don't worry!

[hunkermunker]

Daisyhun, please, please, please consider reporting that HV - they really shouldn't be advising controlled crying for such tiny babies

[dionnelorraine]

agree with HM she really is not a good hv to be advising that. She should be reported!

[daisyhun]

I did mention it to another health visitor in the area and she said that it certainly shouldn't be recommended for babies under about 9 months - but she said that's just that particular health visitor's nature/opinion - where else can I report her?

I get upset just thinking that some new mums might just take her advice and let their tiny little newborns cry it out

[hunkermunker]

I would phone the clinic and ask where to make an official complaint about a HV giving that sort of advice - bet she's handing out some other choice shite to new mums too

[daisyhun]

I think I will do that - she also told me, when putting dd to bed, to say, in a very stern voice "BED" as if I was saying "you little sod" to her whilst looking her right in the face and then just put her down and walk out.

Lovely - nice calming way to put dd to bed then, NOT.

[hunkermunker]

That's made me feel quite sick. TOTALLY goes against all natural instinct.

Let us know how you get on. This woman is in dire need of retraining or shooting, I think.

[dionnelorraine]

What a bitch!! Why on earth is she a hv? She obviously doesnt give a monkeys about babys welfare!
Let us know how you get on with reporting the cow!

[dionnelorraine]

Not really sure who to report her to. maybe phone nearest hospital and ask for complaints department? They can at least point you in the right direction hopefully.

[suejonez]

If your husband wants to know the damage that can be done by ignoring small babies when they cry, I can point him in the direction of many, many properly researched articles on attachment disorders in institutionalised children. Attachment disorders are usually caused by lack of response when a child calls for attention and changes the brain pathways being formed at such a young age.

Babies learn to bond with their main carer (and by extension with others at a later stage) by a cycle of "need-cry-need met=trust" if that makes sense to you.

[Sakura]

Ouoted from "The Continuum Concept" (Jean Liefloff, 1975)

"He cries and cries; his lungs, new to air, are strained with the desperation in his heart. No one comes. Trusting in the rightness of life, as by nature he must, he does the only act he can, which is to cry on. Eventually, a timeless lifetime later, he falls asleep exhausted.
He awakes in a mindless terror of the silence, the motionlessness. He screams.
He is afire from head to foot with want, with desire, with intolerable impatience. He gasps for breath and screams until his head is filled and throbbing with the sound. He screams until his chest aches, until his throat is sore. He can bear the pain no more and his sobs weaken and subside.
He listens. He opens and closes his fist. He rolls his head from side to side. Nothing helps. It is unbearable. He begins to cry again, but it is too much for his strained throat; he soon stops. He stiffens his desire-racked body, and there is a shadow of relief. He waves his hands and kicks his feet. He stops, able to suffer, unable to think, unable to hope. He listens. Then he falls asleep again"

[BandofBunnies]

I did cc with dd1 at about 4/5 mths when she went into the cot in her own room, but I didn't like the longer intervals so went every 5 mins. She had a dummy and settled very easily after 2/3 nights, she was also ff, and I don't remember ever night feeding her after that.
DD2 is 8 mths now, still bf. No dummy. Tried cc, and it worked but took a long time, and I don't think I should've done it. She still wakes at least once for a night feed, and is in her cot next to my bed.
I think cc can be good but I think you need to know your baby well enough to know if it's the right thing to do or not. Now if I put dd2 in bed and she really cries I go and sit with her, until she's so nearly asleep that she doesn't care if I leave the room. It's a pain but I just can't do it again.

[BandofBunnies]

I also found that at that age they can very well be hungry again 1/2 hr after feeding them the time before, esp when bfing.
DD2 was a camper in the evening. She pretty much fed constantly between 6-7pm and 11pmish. As if she was stocking up for the night, or for the next 2-3 hrs anyway