I'm writing this as my lovely daughter is throwing her stuff around her bedroom, screaming "I HATE YOU", calling me an idiot, and banging as loudly as she can. She has banged doors within the house so hard cracks have appeared in the ceiling. I have previously had to restrain her after she threw a chair at me, kicked, punched and screamed in my face.
This behaviour has gone on for as long as I can remember - my mum repeatedly tells me she's just a child and this is normal. I don't think it is.
One episode saw her writing me hate-filled notes that state she wishes I was dead and that she wanted to murder me. She was 6. She had such an epic episode at that point I had to remove everything from her bedroom except a mattress. I lay on the grass in my garden and sobbed whilst she raged inside. When she's like this, no amount of compassion or love or calming down works - she just has to rage through, which is the most upsetting thing of all.
She has typical tendencies for her age - the flouncing, the eye rolling, the cheek, but then they extend further than that and small triggers see her flying off the handle. This morning was because the Xbox had turned off (everything in the house turned off temporarily). She was allowed on the Xbox as a reward for good behaviour....
She is from a happy and stable family. She has a social life and friends and to an outsider, she appears to be well adjusted and kind and caring and sweet. I mean, she is. It's just she has this other side where anything I say or ask or tell her to do results in breakdowns like this.
I have tried everything. Love bombing, time outs, rewards, I even tried smacking only that made me feel like I'd lost control. She faces consequences for bad behaviour and rewards for good behaviour. I love her but I do not like her at times and that seems like a huge parenting failure. I know that her behaviour is a reflection of me - I just don't know how to stop it.
Just to add, I have repeatedly sought help - from her teachers, the school, her childminder who was a social worker, different GPs, online research - and had varying results. The school said they were surprised and would never have attributed such behaviour to her, the childminder gave me advice but told me to go through GP, different GPs have said it's normal or that I have to go through the school, the school are so overwhelmed with everything else, nothing's happened there. My mum is in denial and refuses to believe any of her outbursts are that bad - our neighbours must HATE us - 3am sessions of screaming and shouting and banging and crashing are wearing pretty thin.
What more can I do? Please, someone, anyone, is this just hormones or can I do something to help her?
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Behaviour/development
11 year old DD having violent and aggressive outbursts
54 replies
QueenExhausted · 29/04/2017 11:55
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