Help! Bed time is a nightmare

[GillL]

I'm hoping someone can tell me there's light at the end of the tunnel. My dd is 22 months and goes through phases of being a complete nightmare at bed time. When she's being good it only takes up to 30 minutes to get her to go to sleep at night. When she's being bad it can take up to 3 hours to get her to go to sleep. We can't leave the room because she will scream and scream and make herself sick within a few minutes. So, we have to stay with her and say 'lay down' and 'stop that' the whole time. DH and I take it in turns to sit with her because she winds us up the whole time.

She's still in our room but will be going in her own room in a couple of months time (dh finally has the incentive to decorate now the next one is on the way). I'm hoping she'll be much better because we're going to be turning her cot bed in to a bed. Has anyone had any success with doing this? Another question I have about putting her in her own room is should make a complete change and make her have her milk before she goes to bed? She seems to use it as a comforter?

Sorry for the long post. I'm really reaching the end of my tether.

[Othersideofthechannel]

Sorry no advice because we haven't been through this but send you loads of sympathy. It sounds such hard work!

[GillL]

Bump.

Anyone got any advice? Thanks.

[Donk]

Ds went through a phase at this age where I had to sit with him for ages - a night light helped, and so did the advice I was given to stay but not engage with him - other than making him lie back down - even then I didn't look at him/talk to him.
Gradually I moved away from the cot until I sat at the top of the stairs. It took about a month.

[marymillington]

Sounds horrific, so you have my sympathies.

IMO take it all one step at a time, don't try to address too many issues or make too many changes at once.

How about trying to sort out the settling thing first - I'd probably be tempted to get tough and do some sort of controlled crying thing (which worked for us with DS, quickly and without horror, even though I was appalled at the idea beforehand)

Then switch rooms

Then the bed (you need her settling quickly because otherwise she'll just get up)

Then the milk

[Lullabyloo]

do you have a set bedtime routine every night?

[hana]

have you thought about controlled crying?



I have a 2 year old and our routine is bathtime, stories and milk, brush teeth and into bed. Sometimes she listens to a storytape for 10/15 min.

[Lullabyloo]

i have found with my own ds & all the children i have cared for that the same routine every night is comforting & reassurring..children know what to expect.
My ds has his tea
stories
bath
milk & songs
then tucked in his grobag with his two fav soft toys & muslin ( had all 3 from birth)
i spend few moments talking softly about the nice things we have done that day & how good/clever he has been at certain things & thank him for a nice day.
wind his music box up,kiss goodnight & leave the room.

[mumtwogirls]

DD2 is about same age as yours and normally she is good about just going off to sleep by herself but lately she won't go. We have the same routine but I think she feels she wants to be with her big sister and read with her. But last night was just too much for me and I went back to the controlled crying. She was gone in half an hour. It's does sound awful but it does work. With DD1 we used to leave a CD player on with Night-time lullabys and it sent her off to sleep. Sorry for waffle but HTH and best of luck and hugs

[GillL]

Thanks for all your suggestions. We've tried controlled crying before. Everything I've read says leave them for at least 5 minutes but she's already made herself sick by then. We tried it several nights in a row and I just couldn't cope with it.

We don't really have much of a bed time routine. DH and I both work full time and don't get in til at least 6pm. By the time we have had dinner it is normally too late for dd to have a bath before she's getting tired and irritable.

I might try sitting on the landing where she can see me. I'm not really sure what to do when she asks for her milk though as that's what she wants when she's upset and the screams get worse until I give it to her.

[marymillington]

I'd let her have her milk for now. You could water it down gradually, perhaps.

And just deal with the settling thing with one tactic that you can stick to consistently.

And difficult as it must be to fit it in, I reckon some kind of sleep inducing bedtime routine is going to help.

The being sick thing must be horrid. Haven't had to deal with that.

[Lullabyloo]

even if its just a short one,establish some kind of routine,something familiar & comforting that happens every night...children need to know that bedtime is approaching ...it really works

[GillL]

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate all your help. I am going to have to make an effort to do bath and story before bed every night.

[JolieGirl]

Your comment about you having your dinner first then it is too late for your DD to have a bath as she is too tired and irritable - just a thought - could you not get in from work, start to wind her down, quiet stories, gentle play etc immediately, then do her bath and milk and into bed BEFORE you have your meal?? Sounds like she is thoroughly overtired which won't help her get off to sleep. And then stick to the same thing like glue every night - consistency is absolutely the key. And you will enjoy your dinner far more without a whingey cross tired daughter next to you!!

[Mistymoo]

My ds used to find it hard to settle until we started to play him a classical cd. It really helped and even now at 6.5 yrs he recognises the pieces.

He still goes to bed every night listening to something.

[GillL]

Hi JolieGirl. I'd love to have dd go to bed earlier than 7.30 but she only sleeps 10 hours a night and she'll have us up at the crack of dawn. I really envy those who have kids that sleep 12 hours a night.

[Lullabyloo]

my ds goes to bed at 7.30 and then we eat at 8.30.
happy child
happy parents

[GillL]

Update: Dd had to go to bed late last night because the traffic was so bad we got home reeeallly late. However, I offered her some milk and she wouldn't have it so I put her in the cot and sat on the landing just outside the bedroom door. She stood up staring at me for about 10 minutes and then started crying and trying to persuade me to come into the room and sit in the chair with her. I was very strong and kept telling her calmly to lay down and go to sleep. A couple of times she asked for her milk which I gave her and the second time she layed down and went to sleep. I think it took about 45 minutes altogether.

Tonight I'm going to start the bath, story, milk, bed routine. I hope this makes a real difference. I'm still going to try to have dinner before she goes to bed because I seriously can't wait that long. I've always been someone who has to eat regularly and even more so now I'm pregnant (otherwise I feel faint). I'm sure I can fit it in before 7.30.

[Lullabyloo]

honey,i'm sure it will
Bathtime is such a lovely relaxing,wind down & helps to draw a line between waking hours & sleeptime.Time to talk together,play together & snuggle up afterwards for milk & stories.
She will most probably start to look forward to that special time with you & things i'm sure will improve.
Let me know how it goes xx

[sunnysideup]

Gill, I'm sure the routine will make a difference, so go for it. You will be amazed what a difference it makes to you and your dd, the fact that she knows what's coming next - it all becomes second nature after a while, the bath becomes the 'cue' for pyjamas and stories, which become the 'cue' for milk, etc....she will accept each stage and not fight them, when this routine is embedded enough.

Children also love the secure feeling, and therefore the confidence, that comes from knowing what's going to happen next.

It's also really clever of you to instil this now, before the next baby comes. I'm sure that having secure routines will make your dd more able to cope with the arrival of the new baby too.

[Lullabyloo]

Gill,how did bedtime go last night ?

[GillL]

Hi Lullaby,

Had a bit of a set back last night. Dd didn't sleep at all at mum's yesterday so she fell asleep in the car on the way home and refused to wake up when we got home. The only thing we could do was put her to bed. Unfortunately she woke up at 11:30 and wouldn't go back to sleep until 2am.

She does this about once every 2 weeks. I think it's just when there's too much going on.

I'm determined to make the routine work and I'll try my best to start tonight.

Thanks for your continued support!

[Lullabyloo]

oh honey...
hang in there,it'll make such a difference to you if you can establish something now.
You need your evenings to relax & battles at bedtime are exhausting even when you're not pregnant.
Have a (((hug)))& keep me posted!

[GillL]

Thanks for the hug Lullaby. Last night was much better. DD had her bath at about 6 and I put her pyjamas on. Dh and I had dinner at 7 and then I took dd up to bed at 7.30 with a book of her choice. She didn't want any milk at first so I put her in the cot. She protested but not much and she only stood up for a few minutes before she got bored and layed down. She asked for her milk a couple of times which I gave her and then she really tried to go to sleep (apart from a bit of wall scratching and cot bar rattling). I was really pleased that she was asleep by 8.30 and I managed to stay calm. Let's hope it goes this well tonight.

[Lullabyloo]

oh i'm really pleased for you honey x