HI
I'm not a big church-goer, as a rule, but recently I have reverted to my Catholic roots for a variety of reasons....anyway, point being, my 3 y/o DD were actuallly BOUNCED out of church tonight because of dd's behaviour. I guess she is is not blame: I hardly ever take her, but thought that this service might be interesting for her, as it is at the big city cathedral, and involves some lovely music and ritual.
Everything was okay at first: the choir began, she ballet-danced in the aisles ad charmed everyone....then became completely unruly: was running around all over the place, shouting, demanding that she have a 'seat of her own'. Ran up to a grotto dedicated to the Virgin and opened gate, I intervened and picked her up and took her back to her seat, and as I did so, she grabbed at my top and exposed my bra to practically whole congretation!
About ten mins after this I took her into the lobby. A male parishioner emerged and closed the church doors, and let me know that my dd was 'spoiling the mass for 300 people'. I thought, well, okay, at least I can stand outside and hear the singing and liturgy, and go in for communion. But dd was VERY cross at being shut out of mass: it was like some sort of metaphor for excommunication - she kept shouting: 'I don't WANT to be left out in the dark! I want to go inside again! I PROMISE I"ll be quiet!' etc, etc.
Grumpy male parishioner re-emerged (by this time I had made a 'tent' for myself and dd under blanket, and was trying to soothe her) and demanded to know 'what was going on' and 'why can't you control your child?"
I sort of lost it at this point and said, excuse me, why can't you control yourself? This is a Catholic church and one would imagine children are welcome...
Mr Grumpy more or less intimated that I ought to leave the premises altogether. I find it hard to believe that a bit of toddler grizzling could permeate ancient stone walls and solid wooden door of church. There were some other parents outside with toddlers, and they couldn't believe the way I was being talked to. I suspect my fairly obvious single mum status may have had something to do with it.
Made myself loook additionally ridiculous by walking off into the night and shouting at grumpy man that I would 'write to local Catholic newspaper' about his fascist attitude. And then (cringe! cringe!) 'I said to him: 'by the way, my name is DOCTOR Maslen' (this last because I graduated with my PhD a few weeks ago....this is the first time I have ever invoked the Dr thing in such a pompous and ridiculous way, and I feel really embarrassed). I felt he was deeming me to be shabby and inferior, a kind of blow-in, probably because of my clothes and evident lack of husband. I may have been a trifle paranoid.But even if I was a heoin addict mum (which I sort of look like at the moment, being rather thin and poor-looking), surely such draconian attitudes are not in the spririt of Christianity?
Anyway, dd continued to wail dismally all the way back to car, clearly feeeling that she was responsible, so I thought stuff it, I'll go back and have communion at least. I was allowed back into church for two seconds in order to get communion.
It was so sad because in her own way dd was really enjoying ceremony. Yes, Holy Thursday is a very solemn mass, but dd was dancing to the music, pretending to say prayers, was really interested in choir and the old building.
I remember when I was at Catholic school as a kid you could hardly even hear the priest talk over the wailing and antics of bored toddlers. Things seem to have changed.
I suppose at bottom of my heart though is concern for dd's unruliness. She will NOT listen to what I say, will not be reasoned with. I've tried various sorts of discipline, even bottom smacking (which I've now dropped). I am a single mother (since dd was 2) and a fairly unconventional person myself, so I can't help but have a bit of a twinkle in my eye when she violates the rules and regulations. But she is becoming known as a 'problem child' among friends and family. Won't share toys, pushes and shoves younger kids (gets on well with older ones though), has tantrums all the time, demands attention, won't let me talk to other adults if she is in the room (Ie 'mummy stop TALKING!" ) Toilet training has become a big battle and recently, on Dr's advice, I have decided to simply put her in pants, not pressure her and let her have accidents so she realises that there's a need for her to learn. Lots of cleaning up for me, though, and I'm run off my feet with work right now.
Guess there is not much routine in our lives: I managed to get a good teaching job at local uni but it doesn't start until end of July, and until then I am on single mum benefit (ex doesn't pay regular child support ...tells me to 'get a job'. I would do, if it wasn't so pointless....if I worked in a laundromat or whatever I'd have dd in daycare constantly and wouldn't have time to write my course for my uni gig). We are so poor right now, and as young as she is, I think she really feels it.
We are also stuck in a shite flat, no-where much to play: I have so much reading to do that a lot of the time DD is forced to watch TV/DVDs/videos. In fact she has become sick of TV: turns it off and plays rather sad little games all by herself. Is particularly fond of playing 'Katy and Cristian' (my best friend Katy is a mum of two with hubbie and 'normal' life).
DD is the loveliest child you could ever meet, inherently, and I'm sure when she is older she will be a really sweet person. But right now she's in the throes of full-on toddler egotism and embarrassing scenes occur on a daily basis in shops etc.
People seem to think she's out of control. By my standards, she's not really, but perhaps my standards are rather low?
And by the way, I'm not a religious nut or anything. I have tried to impart the positive aspects of my own Catholic upbringing without dwelling on scary or silly stuff. It is important to me that she has some intimation of there being beauty and meaning in life beyond the obvious.
Suggestions from Mums of famously unruly (and un-toilet-trainable_ tots would be appreciated.
Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.
Behaviour/development
Holy Thursday Horror Story (very long)
Caththerese1973 · 13/04/2006 17:10
Do catholic churches in the UK have "crying rooms"? Our local church has one; it's up beside the altar with a window facing the altar so you can see the priest and has a speaker so you can hear him but because its enclosed, he can't hear you! You always will get one or two old fuddy-duddies who can't even remember being young and tend to miss the whole point of the Christian message. ( Though I can't talk, I'm not catholic any more!
) Have to say, the last couple of times I went, I found it very friendly but we do live in a very young parish with two lovely priests. Would almost entice me back except that I don't believe very much of it.
DC! 
Please don't tar all priests with the same grubby brush!
I speak as an Irish Catholic.
Last Sunday morning in Mass a child was banging keys on the pew in chapel. The child was fed up waiting for the priest to finish preaching.. our priest hates people leaving before the end of mass. He spoke loudly and clearly into the mic and asked the childs parents to stop the child defacing chape property, so said keys were removed from the child. The child then began to sob as her parents had taken away the thing that was keeping her entertained. The priest began staring at them... and making remarks about unruly behaviour.. he then abruptly tapped the mic and told the parents "Please restrain your unruly child or remove yourselves from my service!" The parents removed the child..and then the father of said child came back into chapel, quoted "Come unto me little children, catholics being family orientated etc.. and told the priest he would no longer be gracing his mass with his presence... the whole congregation applauded that man and followed him out the door.. what's the saying "Vote with your feet??" I think that's what that congregation did!!
fireflyfairy well done to that man! One of the reasons I stopped going to Mass was that I always felt like standing up and saying, "Well actually I don't agree with that!" but would never have had the courage.
Don't go telling DC you're an Irish Catholic, he thinks we're the lowest form of life, somewhere beneath blue-green algae!
i'm not catholic by the way but the church i attend is high anglican so it might as well as be!
our priest said to us not to worry about the kids making noise and if people didn't like it then THEY could leave, but i still wouldn't let them run around etc.
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