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Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

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Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Baby names

Mother's Maiden Name as silent surname

46 replies

bluebabydinosaur · 09/02/2018 08:22

Hi, just wondered what your thoughts were about having the mother's surname as a second silent surname. So the father's surname first which is used at school and in life in general and the mother's as second surname which would be used on official documents. Our combined names do not work as a double barrel surname. Any help appreciated. Thanks.

OP posts:

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Hiphopopotamus · 09/02/2018 08:24

What’s the point in a silent name? It’s either a surname or it’s not. I’m always amazed by how many names ‘don’t work double barrelled’ It’s hardly ever the case.

sausagerole · 09/02/2018 08:26

Do you mean one surname as a 'known as' name and one as a legal name? I think this would be really confusing and unnecessary, sorry!

Canadalife · 09/02/2018 08:28

I have a surname that did not work double barrelled and is not great as a surname on its own.....so we added it as a middle name....it is never used ...but it is officially part of the DCs name and they can use it in the future if they want to. Using as a silent surname may not work as it will be needed for school, work etc.. for example where I work IT sorts out email address etc before you start using your surnames(s)...good luck with decisions

Thatsnotmybody · 09/02/2018 08:28

Can you make it a middle name instead? So still on passport etc but not as confusing.

iklboo · 09/02/2018 08:28

Why not have it as a middle name? I think it's fairly common in Scotland to use the mother's maiden name or family name as a middle one.

peanutbutter310 · 09/02/2018 08:29

I agree that this would be confusing.

Could you use it as an additional middle name? Then it will appear on official documents, without ever really coming up day to day.

BertrandRussell · 09/02/2018 08:31

I bet you could hyphenate. Try putting your name first.

Or think about using your name with his as the "silent surname"?

Mybabystolemysanity · 09/02/2018 08:34

My DD has my surname as a second middle name. I wanted to double barrel when I got married but DH thinks it's pretentious. So she is My Baby Stole My... with my surname being the Stole part. I'm the last of the Stole children to have babies and it was important to me that they had the name. We're in Scotland, so it used to be quite common. Next baby will have the two names and two surnames format as well. She can choose to use one or both when she's old enough but goes by DH's surname day to day.

WaxOnFeckOff · 09/02/2018 08:35

"I bet you could hyphenate. Try putting your name first.

Or think about using your name with his as the "silent surname"?"

Because OP is talking about her maiden name not her current surname which would be the same as her DHs?

JohnLapsleyParlabane · 09/02/2018 08:39

We gave DD my maiden name as a middle name and DHs surname as her actual surname. I kept my maiden name as a middle name, and DH dis a deed poll to add it into his name. So DD is:
Jockname Unusualname Familyname Parlabane DHsurname. It leads to very long names but we like it.

idontlikealdi · 09/02/2018 08:42

It’s completely pointless.

user1485182339 · 09/02/2018 08:48

Why not use your own surname? Ditch your husband's completely. It's getting more and more common, especially if the mother is attached to her surname or it is just nicer.

Buxbaum · 09/02/2018 08:48

I thought your other thread about using your maiden name as a middle name made more sense. This would just be confusing.

It sounds like it's really important to you to pass on your maiden name to your DC in some form. Have you considered giving them your surname?

BertrandRussell · 09/02/2018 08:55

"Because OP is talking about her maiden name not her current surname which would be the same as her DHs?"
I don't think she said that, did she?

bluebabydinosaur · 09/02/2018 08:55

Thank you everyone. I think I like the idea of using my maiden name as a middle name. Its really good to explore the options. Im really enjoying and appreciating your help - thank you!

OP posts:

bluebabydinosaur · 09/02/2018 08:57

Sorry for the confusion - we are not actually married so I still use my maiden name which is my surname. We will be married at some point though and it would be nice for us as a family to share the same surname.

OP posts:

BertrandRussell · 09/02/2018 09:00

Mumsnet has two completely different view of middle names. If it's a case of bonkers name the OP wants to use, or initials spelling BUM it's always "Oh, doesn't matter, nobody will notice, nobody ever uses middle names!" But when it comes to a woman wanting to maintain a bit of her own identity in her children's names it's suddenly "Use it as a middle name-that's the best way"

Hyphenate, OP. Or give them your name. Anything else and I guarantee your name will just vanish.

WaxOnFeckOff · 09/02/2018 09:00

I don't think she said that, did she?

Well by virtue of the fact that she calls it her maiden name rather than her surname in the title, I think she did. But then, she does then refer to it as the mother's surname in the OP so it's a bit confused I suppose.

WaxOnFeckOff · 09/02/2018 09:05

Ah see the update Betrand

Personally, neither DH or I could care less about surnames, I had a preference for us all having the same one. In the end we used his as it's less common and I liked it better. He already has surnames as his first and middle names, I also have a surname as my middle name but it works as a girls name too and neither of us wanted double barrelled.

TatianaLarina · 09/02/2018 09:10

Middle name. Hyphenated names are just annoying. What do your kids do, triple barrel?

A friend of mine has her mum’s maiden name as her middle name it works very well.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 09/02/2018 09:13

Or you could give your baby the same surname as you, and use your partners surname, as a middle name.

k2p2k2tog · 09/02/2018 09:16

Just use it as a middle name. Both my boys have my maiden name as a middle name, my daughter has my mum's maiden name in hers so for example Robert Philip McAllister Smith, James Rory McAllister Smith and Susan Jane Roxburgh Smith. Smith is the surname and for everyday use they are "Robert Smith" or "Susan Smith".

This is a very, very common naming convention in Scotland and NE England.

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floriad · 09/02/2018 09:17

Sorry for the confusion - we are not actually married so I still use my maiden name which is my surname. We will be married at some point though and it would be nice for us as a family to share the same surname.

Use your surname and then change the surname of you and your child when you get married. You could even make this some sort of ceremony.

Hyphenate your child's name

When an aunt of mine married her now husband they asked their daughter which surname she wanted. Their daughter chose the "prettier" one (think: Do you want to be called "Pfist" or "Malinda"?)

But seeing as you aren't married (yet)? I'd definitely give your child your or both your surnames.

FizzyGreenWater · 09/02/2018 09:32

Sorry for the confusion - we are not actually married so I still use my maiden name which is my surname. We will be married at some point though and it would be nice for us as a family to share the same surname.

I would strongly advise you to give the baby YOUR surname (which is technically how it should be as you are not married).

Then, when you marry, you can both change surname to your family name.

I can't count the posts on here I've seen where marriage is dangled and planned and suddenly it's a good few years later and oops, it never happened. Which suddenly works out very well for the man if a split is on the cards. Once the baby has his surname it's one less reason to marry - he's already got the 'family name' thing handed to him on a plate.

Give the baby your surname.

FizzyGreenWater · 09/02/2018 09:34

... and say to him, we will change when we marry. If he has a hissy fit over it, it's quite a useful way to assess what he actually thinks about getting married. If he's serious, it shouldn't be a problem, right?

oh and an engagement ring isn't legally binding.

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