to be annoyed by my MIL cutting my daughter's hair without asking us?

[parakeet]

OK, she only took a little off - I didn't actually notice afterwards (daughter has curly hair, so it's less obvious). I only know because she told me later.

But it's the principle surely! It happened when my husband was visiting her without me, and he asked her to comb daughter's hair in the bath while he was putting our older child to bed - it's the easiest way to comb it with loads of conditioner, because of said curls.

MIL told me later she was encountering knots so she "nipped the ends off" - whatever that means. Actually I know where the tangles usually are, so I think in some places she must have cut off 1 or 2 cm.

You may say as I didn't notice, what's the problem, but it made me a little sad, because at that point my daughter had never had her hair cut, so the first time I cut it I wanted to keep a lock, so it would be a lock of her baby hair. As her hair was only about 2mm long when she was born, my MIL must have cut off her baby hair.

OK, I'm being a sentimental old fool about it, but that's the way I feel. I wanted to keep a lock of her original hair that she was born with and now I can't.

And putting that issue aside - the cheek of it anyway! I think if she couldn't be arsed to comb it properly, she should have said so. If we just keep cutting tangles out, daughter will end up looking like a scarecrow.

[nighbynight]

goodness, I hope my future DILs will not expect me to report in to them before sorting out tangles in dGC's hair.

[princessparty]

I have a ruler here, and one cm is less than the width of a little finger !!

[seeker]

ONE CENTIMETRE, PEOPLE - ONE EFFING CENTIMETRE!

[mathanxiety]

If you want to be a helpful MIL you should ask what the parents suggest doing about knots and not take the law into your own hands. The GD is not her child, she's her son and DIL's.

TBH, I would expect even my my mum to ask me first and respect my wishes regarding my children's hair -- so not strictly a MIL thing for me. In the case of my mum and exMIL, neither of them has curly hair, and DDs and I do, and I know what I'm doing when it comes to curly hair care. In fact, exMIL has absolutely no experience of dealing with curly hair (all hers had dead straight hair).

[TheFallenMadonna]

I'd be miffed too, in a sentimental kind of way. I cried when DH cut DS's hair for the first time, and it would be completely unreasonable to suggest that he shouldn't have done it of course. But I do agree that in this case, the MIL almost certainly had no sinister motives and was in fact trying to be helpful. But I do tend to think that on a lot of MIL threads. And my MIL and I cordially loathe each other

[coralanne]

What about the lack of respect from offspring? I'm with you all the way on this one seeker

Grab a ruler and actually visualise 1 cm.

After reading some of the responses to threads on MN, I was honestly starting to be a little afraid of taking the initiative with GC.

DD noticed and wanted to know why. When I explained why she said "Mum, if they want to be control freaks with their parents and in-laws that's their problem not ours. I can't believe that what you read in cyberspace can make you doubt our relationship".

DD gets on famously with her MIL.

[seeker]

But how is it disrespectful to cut 1 cm of tangled hair - 1 cm that the child's mother didn't even notice? I accept that giving erh a proper hair cut without discussing would be disrespectful, but 1 cm of hair that was probably mostly split ends anyway?

Would it be disrespectful to cut her toe nails?

[puffling]

Seeker- yes i think so, in this case. I think a grandma should be as respectful to you and your family as a friend would be.

[seeker]

So a grandma is just the same as a friend?

And, actually, if I was asked to comb out a friend's child's hair, and I got a really tangly bit that was 1 cm from the end, then yes I would snip it out. I would rather do that than risk damging the hair and hurting the child by combing any more.

I repeat, which is more important, a living loving person's feelings or 1 cm of tangled hair.

[puffling]

To the YABUs. If you had a friend of your child staying and they had a bath and hairwash at your house, would you snip off their knotty hair? No you wouldn't.

[StarryEyedandLaughing]

I wanted to keep a lock of her original hair that she was born with and now I can't.

Did she shave her head then?

[seeker]

PLEASE will someone explain to me why cutting a tangle out of a child's hair a) prevents the keeping of a baby curl as a momento and b) shows a lack of respect for parents?

This is the bizarre-est thread!

[JjandtheBeanlovesUnicorns]

YANBU! i would go mental if anyone did this, i am very a bit precious about keepsakes though so if i missed keeping some baby hair id have a small fit at who ever took that away!

That aside, its just another example of the lack of respect from our parents and parent in laws that keeps cropping up!

[seeker]

1 cm. The OP didn't notice. You would risk upsetting a kindly grandma over this? Which is more important - a living breathing loving person's feelings or 1 cm of tangled hair?

GaG!!!

[mrsabbott]

Yanbu. I would tell her too. As nice as you can, but otherwise she might do it again! A friends' FIL has got into cutting her son's hair and does it whenever he feels like it now!

[seeker]

I give up - I can't believe that ANYONE thinks that an invisible 1 cm of hair trimmed from a child with thick curls in the process of getting tangles out is anything but COMPLETELY reasonable. God, I dread being a MIL - I will be completely paralyzed for fear of being pilloried by my dil for merely existing!

[mathanxiety]

YANBU.

Check out the Curly Girl Method for curly hair. It might prevent any future occurrences of guerrilla haircare by your MIL, and make life with curly hair easier for your DD.

[seeker]

So what are you going to do? Tell her she is never to do it again? She will be justifiably upset and hurt and she will think you are being precious and controlling. Which you are. You said yourself that you didn't even notice. Please don't mention it to her!

[princessparty]

YAB a bit U.She only snipped out knots not
a 'hair cut'.In any case its your daughter's hair not yours !Did you DD say it was Ok or did she want the brush yanking them ?

[Karmann]

My DD had beautiful natural blonde hair cut into a shoulder length bob when she was 4. Her father had her for the weekend and brought her back with a Grade I - that's unreasonable!

[SparkyfartDust]

YANBU

When I was a little girl (5) my GM took me to the hairdresser and had my lovely long curls hacked into something like thismy mother never forgave her!

[SweetApril]

Parakeet, have you tried the Tangle Teezer brush? Marvellous for getting knots out of curly hair, wet or dry. I sympathise as I am ridiculously precious about 3yo DD's hair which has never been cut.

[upahill]

OP Meant to say first born or only child. My sentance didn't make sense when I have read it back!!

[parakeet]

Well. Thank you for all these responses, I am still laughing about the beef jerky.

I'm afraid yes, I am sentimental enough to keep the lock of hair, and I'll probably keep a baby tooth too. Sure, not everyone feels that way, but some of us do, and that is our perogative as mummies.

To answer some of the more extreme posts, I only said I was annoyed, I never said I was going to scream and shout at her. A little tactful comment from her son is all that's needed I think.

And thanks also for the curly hair advice - will try that tip about spraying with conditioner. It IS a pain in the arse to comb, to be honest, but if we just keep snipping out tangles, she'll have none left.