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AIBU?

Children using mild expletives?

100 replies

pjmama · 01/01/2010 11:39

What's acceptable and what isn't?

My DH thinks it's fine for our 3yo to shout "oh knickers!" and "oh pooey!" and that sort of thing, because it's not really swearing. My point is that whilst it's not particularly offensive to us, parents of other children at pre-school may not be so amused with their DCs learning and repeating it. Also I suspect that the teachers would probably pick them up on it too, which is embarrassing and not very nice for them. DH thinks I'm just being stupid, but I don't think it sounds very nice.

Am I old fashioned and worrying too much, or is "oh dear" as far as it should go when you're 3?! (I'm fully aware that before too many more years, they'll probably be teaching me some new swear words anyway )

OP posts:

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Lucianne3 · 03/01/2010 00:31

I knew DD had been listening to more than I'd like when we were driving and someone cut me up...with (what I thought was) admirable restraint, I said
"Oh you...twit"
She said "No mummy, the word you want is twat".
Doh!

CardyMow · 03/01/2010 01:44

roffle at Luciane3's DD! My DS1 is like the swear police, I have a really bad bit of a potty mouth, and he tells me off every time!! DS2 wouldn't think of repeating me, and I hadn't ever heard DD swear until 2 days ago when she dropped the toaster on her foot.(god only knows how, all I heard was FUCK THAT HURT oops oops I meant fudge owowowow from the kitchen). But she is almost 12 and at secondary....

ChippingIn · 03/01/2010 02:11

LOL at both Lucianne & Loudlass

I once had the joy of explaining, to a 3 year old, why it was OK to say Jesus (the name) - but not JESUS when you were annoyed. The little girls Dad says JESUS (in a swearing way, a lot) but as the little girl was going to a Catholic School I couldn't just say 'that nice little girls don't say that' (which is all I needed to do for any other age inappropriate word she used) - as I didn't want her telling the teacher not to say Jesus or telling the teacher she isn't allowed to say Jesus at home - what a minefield that was (especially as I don't have a religious bone in my body!!). Maybe you needed to be there....

kickassangel · 03/01/2010 02:27

i had to change my ways after dd had 'bollocks' as one of her first words.

sadly, i went a bit too far the other way, and said 'whoops a doopsie' in front of a class of 15 yr olds.

StanleyFletcher · 03/01/2010 02:27

My DH swears like a navy and I have been known to also. From day one DH has generated great joy (mostly for himself) by making up songs and inserting rude words 'poop - there it is, I said, poop there it is' being one of the favourite. In our house we say numpty, doughnut, dumpling etc if someone is being silly - don't think the kids say it at school. There is also lots of 'toilet' language of pee, jobby, bum etc at ours. DS is fond of a 'shit' or two and I did wash his mouth out with soap (brushed his teeth with soap) and tbh he really wasn't fazed by it.

My children are taught very firmly that there is no such thing as bad language, only inappropriate language. Yes, they may hear us swearing but that is because we are adults and we are allowed to and they will be allowed to when they are older. I have worked with lots of 'troubled' teens and it is really sad when they do not know when it is not appropriate to eff and jeff. It is a valuable skill to know.

I try and teach the kids that if they ever say anything that upsets someone - regardless of how silly and innocent it is they have to stop.

Mike101 · 10/02/2014 02:09

no saying bum is ok when used right
we say bum, but will only let them say it
when talking about the body

Mrsmorton · 10/02/2014 08:11

Preciousbane · 10/02/2014 08:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

newsecretidentity · 10/02/2014 08:34

Had dd's 6yo mate for a sleepover recently. She woke before all the others and was being very sweet, rolling me bits of fruit in a dump truck and telling me about her daddy's work.

At one point, this gorgeous child leaned over to me conspiratorially and said "My daddy's boss is named Dickhead."

I had to leave the room and stifle giggles.

AwfulMaureen · 10/02/2014 08:56

My DC aren't allowed to say "God" or Damn or fart. They have to say gosh and whoops and toot or pump. I hate any reference to breaking wind actually but there you go.

AwfulMaureen · 10/02/2014 08:57

news my friend's boy of 3 said "Oh shit we've missed the binmen AGAIN!" when we stayed over.

hiccupgirl · 10/02/2014 08:58

I don't have a problem with my 4 yr old using words like knickers, pants, pooey or fart and he tends to say 'for god's sake' or 'damn' when he's annoyed which are both from me. He will hear much worse as he grows up and probably use it too. He does know not to use words to hurt other children at preschool and generally pretty good at sticking to it.

Interestingly my parents were very strict on not swearing and I was pretty good even as a teen. Then I worked in the financial world of London for 8 years and every other word was an expletive because that was how all my colleagues talked. Then I retrained as a teacher and the swear words just stopped because it wasn't appropriate.

So to me it's much about children learning when and where to use different language rather than never ever hearing or using certain words.

AwfulMaureen · 10/02/2014 08:59

I think it just sounds coarse coming out of a child's mouth. People do judge you know hiccup it's up to you of course...

AwfulMaureen · 10/02/2014 09:01

As a matter of interest hiccup when do you think it IS appropriate for a 4 year old to say God or Damn? At his friends when having a playdate? My Dds mate says those things at times and I must admit it puts me off a bit...I am so careful about their use of language like that that it undermines me in front of them.

Fakebook · 10/02/2014 09:04

Lets hope OP's dc isn't teaching her new swear words at the age of 7...that's how old he is now.

HavantGuard · 10/02/2014 09:05

I'd rather they swore than be prim.

AwfulMaureen · 10/02/2014 09:11

What's "prim" though? A child who uses age appropriate language? That's not prim. That's good mannered and polite. A child who uses words which could offend is not polite.

curlew · 10/02/2014 09:13

I have always been strict about not saying anything that could be considered blasphemous- we are atheists so the words mean nothing to us, but they mean a lot to others.

Can't bear trump and pump and toot and all those mealy mouthed euphemisms.

AwfulMaureen · 10/02/2014 09:49

That's it culew it could well offend some people to hear the God word bandied about. Many people are so thoughtless.

Seff · 10/02/2014 10:01

I didn't know "bum" was regarded as a swear word, but it seems it is.

Just one point, how is it teaching children when it is "appropriate" to swear by telling them that it's ok if you're an adult? That doesn't make sense to me.

I think context is a big point when it comes to swearing. Telling someone to fuck off is different that saying for fuck's sake when you drop a plate on your toe. DD (3) hasn't come out with any swear words yet (amazingly) but when she does, we will deal with it then. We'll explain that people have different views about things, and why it isn't nice to swear AT people. We certainly won't be telling her that the only reason she can't do it is because she's not an adult.

SingMoreWhenYoureWinning · 10/02/2014 10:07

I try to discourage it but I have heared my 6 year old come out with a few corkers, for which I take full responsibility.

The other day he was trying to put a 3d board game together and couldn't get one of the pieces to fit. He sat back in complete exasperation and said 'You stubborn little bugger!'. He then calmly came over to me and said 'mum, this isn't working. I'm going to go and have a drink and then try again'. And sauntered off.

I was too tickled surprised to pull him up on his language, he looked for all the world like a teenager. He hasn't said it since though.

SingMoreWhenYoureWinning · 10/02/2014 10:13

The funniest episode of swearing came from my dsis's ds when he was about 3.

My sis IS very prim...doesn't accept any rude words at all, even silly ones like 'bum'.

My d nephew says 'in a pickle' if he's stuck. One day he was getting something from the coat rack in the hall and managed to get the dogs lead tangled around his legs.

Me and dsis sitting in the kitchen...heared his sweet little voice shouting out 'Mum! Come and help please! I'm in a fucking pickle here!'

Still got no idea where he'd heared the word...my dsis was aghast and I couldn't breathe or speak for about ten minutes for laughing :D

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LiberalLibertine · 10/02/2014 10:18

Well,I think people that are offended by Jesus Christ, oh Lord, Christ on a bike, holy shit, oh my fucking good god etc, need to get their head around the fact not many people have respect for that religion anymore.

(Ps my children only sometimes say oh God )

MrsGoslingWannabe · 10/02/2014 10:23

If DP swears at all I see it as swearing at me. He's always used swear words around DD who is now 8. He's got slightly better lately (flip instead & so on). DD copied once or twice at about age 2 but never does now. My dad swore quite a bit and I don't so not sure what the fuss is about actually. At least she'll be less shocked when she starts hearing it at school.

MrsGoslingWannabe · 10/02/2014 10:24

OMFGG is a horrid phrase and I would lose all respect for anyone who said that.

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