to hang up on MIL?

[Jux]

Background: DD has been staying with MIL and sFIL since Sunday afternoon. They're 150m away.

Yesterday, we got a sad little phone call from dd, as they'd gone to a stately home (which dd had been wanting to see for over a year), but sFIL dragged her through really really fast so they could have a nice walk in the gardens and look at the pretty flowers. DD had particularly wanted to see this House (had abortive trip to it last year with ILs for similar reason).

Today they were meant to be going into local large town for shopping - girly shopping for dd. sFIL tried to get out of it and then gave in with bad grace (he needn't have gone - he could have left dd and MIL to go together while he played golf or something). Anyway, got call from dd half an hour ago; it was clear things had gone badly in the morning and dd was left with SIL in town to do shopping, while sFIL and MIL went home. Ah, well, dh is on his way to get her now anyway, and she's having a great time with SIL doing the girly stuff.

Just got a call from MIL, checking when dh is getting to her (they've only been checking the time for the last 2 days!). Anyway, he'd left late so I said he'd be a bit late. She tells me he's meant to be picking dd up from SIL's. Then she tells me SIL is at home (nowhere near where they're shopping, nowhere near MIL's either). I say he can't pick dd up from SIL's as she isn't there, they're in town shopping. She says that SIL is there, but that dh will be picking up dd from her's (MIL's). I ask how dd is meant to be getting from SIL's to MIL's, so she tells me again that dh is picking up dd from SIL's. Then she tells me that dd will be coming from SIL's station to MIL's, and, again, that SIL is at home.

I know that dh is not picking dd up from SIL's. She and he haven't been speaking for years. He is happy for dd to see SIL, so long as he doesn't have to.

DD is 10. There is no way she can get from SIL's to MIL's on her own (or indeed the town they're shopping in) - she'll forget which station to get off, and she won't know the way from the station.

I am convinced that SIL is going to take dd back to MIL's. I am more than convinced, am absolutely 100% certain. MIL is talking nonsense. She does quite often. She had just started on the 3rd round of the conversation when I said "I have to go now" and hung up, leaving her mid-sentence.

[Jux]

MIL may not be senile at all. It would be a reason why she is so bonkers, but as she has been like that for over 25 years, she may just be like that.

DH has just phoned. All is well and I am an old bag for worrying; he has got quite cross with me. He and his sister "are having quite a nice chat".

[MissWooWoo]

oh christ, now I'm going to have a sherry

[claw3]

So MIL is senile, SIL is a junkie/alcoholic and sFIL is a small minded racist! This is better than Eastenders.

[Sassybeast]

Lovely jubbly. Do keep us informed of the next episode. 'cheers' 'Burp' anyone else think this sherry has seen better days ? I only opened it Christmas 2006 ?

[diddl]

I´m liking this DH more by the minute!

[lolapoppins]

Well, you are a better person than me, From what you have said about your inlaws, if it were me, I would not let them have my child for the best part of the week. I am glad it has all worked out, your dh is being unreasonable for being cross with you though, you had no idea where your dd was or if she would be put on a train alone.

[Jux]

MmeGoblindt, it is a first. Usually sFIL is responsible and doesn't just leave dd in the middle of somewhere with someone else, and take MIL home. They do have lunch with SIL usually, but don't just leave dd with her.

I said to dh this morning that next time we have to go with dd. He refuses to stay at his mum's (he'll kill her) so I've said we'll stay in a hotel and arrange things for dd and MIL to do together; we'll pick MIL up everyday and take them to wherever and be around. DH is not keen.

Have just long chat with dd on phone; she had a great time with SIL this afternoon (who is not pissed or anything else). She says that this afternoon was the only good time she's had this visit. Perhaps SIL is cleaning up? Reading between the lines, I guess that sFIL was in a foul mood and decided that he wanted to go home, dd didn't, SIL offered to take her round the shops so sFIL jumped at the chance.

So, given that I am an old bag for not trusting MIL and sFIL with dd; given that dd had a great time with SIL and that dh and SIL would appear to be on speaking terms again, what do I do now and how do I broach it with dh (who has never been cooperative wrt his family anyway)?

[MmeGoblindt]

Since your DD has had a miserable time (from the sounds of it), speak to her first.

Then together you have to speak to your DH and tell him that she is not going to visit on her own again.

If you and your DD present a solid front against your DH then hopefully he will see sense.

[ZZZenAgain]

he refuses to stay at his mums (he'd kill her) but his dd has to do it

I'm thinking Australia for you Jux

[Jux]

I'd love it; we had the opportunity when we sold up - dh had a mate who'd been there for 30-odd years who was going to sponsor him, but dh copped out

Mind you, I'd go to the Moon if it meant never having anything to do with any of 'em again.

[KimiTheThreadSlayingAxeKiller]

How about if your DD tell your DH she no longer wants to spend any time with these nutters family members?

[Jux]

For those who were concerned about dd - it was never discussed with us that dd should go round town with SIL on her own, so we had no control over it and when I found out (when dd phoned me) it was too late to do anything about it. They are 150 miles away and dh was driving down there with his mobile switched off. What could either of us have done?

MIL and sFIL have never been this bad before. Again, I was 150 miles away and dh was in the car somewhere between here and there.

UPDATE since dh and dd got home last night.

DH thinks SIL has really cleaned up. He and she seem to be OK again. He says she was like she was when they were in their teens, she says she's not had anything (alcohol or drugs) for 2 years and he believes her. From what he says, I do too.

MIL, according to SIL, has gone downhill very quickly over the last couple of months. If we had known, we would have organised things differently, which is what we'll do in the future. It is quite clear that MIL and sFIL are not capable of looking after dd alone.

MIL, it would seem, has had MRI and attended a memory clinic. However this is very recent and we didn't know as sFIL had not told either dh or SIL. MIL does not remember either event. When asked what was going on with her last night, sFIL blustered. All he has said was the MRI and memory clinic, and something about Power of Attorney (she is not mentally capable, so will have to do the other thing - ward of court?).

DH is on the phone to SIL now, and has been talking to her for an hour at least.

I am delighted that he and SIL have made up; it is a really shiny silver lining.