to hang up on MIL?

[Jux]

Background: DD has been staying with MIL and sFIL since Sunday afternoon. They're 150m away.

Yesterday, we got a sad little phone call from dd, as they'd gone to a stately home (which dd had been wanting to see for over a year), but sFIL dragged her through really really fast so they could have a nice walk in the gardens and look at the pretty flowers. DD had particularly wanted to see this House (had abortive trip to it last year with ILs for similar reason).

Today they were meant to be going into local large town for shopping - girly shopping for dd. sFIL tried to get out of it and then gave in with bad grace (he needn't have gone - he could have left dd and MIL to go together while he played golf or something). Anyway, got call from dd half an hour ago; it was clear things had gone badly in the morning and dd was left with SIL in town to do shopping, while sFIL and MIL went home. Ah, well, dh is on his way to get her now anyway, and she's having a great time with SIL doing the girly stuff.

Just got a call from MIL, checking when dh is getting to her (they've only been checking the time for the last 2 days!). Anyway, he'd left late so I said he'd be a bit late. She tells me he's meant to be picking dd up from SIL's. Then she tells me SIL is at home (nowhere near where they're shopping, nowhere near MIL's either). I say he can't pick dd up from SIL's as she isn't there, they're in town shopping. She says that SIL is there, but that dh will be picking up dd from her's (MIL's). I ask how dd is meant to be getting from SIL's to MIL's, so she tells me again that dh is picking up dd from SIL's. Then she tells me that dd will be coming from SIL's station to MIL's, and, again, that SIL is at home.

I know that dh is not picking dd up from SIL's. She and he haven't been speaking for years. He is happy for dd to see SIL, so long as he doesn't have to.

DD is 10. There is no way she can get from SIL's to MIL's on her own (or indeed the town they're shopping in) - she'll forget which station to get off, and she won't know the way from the station.

I am convinced that SIL is going to take dd back to MIL's. I am more than convinced, am absolutely 100% certain. MIL is talking nonsense. She does quite often. She had just started on the 3rd round of the conversation when I said "I have to go now" and hung up, leaving her mid-sentence.

Eccentrica, you get the lollipop! Absolutely right.

I knew MN would cheer me up over it. Thanks everyone, for letting me confuse you as much as I am confused!

I think it is a bit harsh to hang up on someone who has looked after your dd all weekend tbh
this is why we have caller id, only dh talks to my loony mil

At the end of the day, none of the cast members here will abandon your DD so wherever she is, she'll get picked up by somebody.

I'd let your DH worry about it, he can ring and find out where she is when he gets there.

The problem is, how will DH react to you hanging up on his mother?

yes, call dd and check that is all sorted then have a sherry and let's hear what the story is with dh and his sister (if you want to tell us).

Is MIL maybe senile?

Fortunately you can leave the whole thing to your DH, it's his family so presumably he can deal with it. Can he call his Mum on the way to clarify? I agree with bigchris, MIL sounds like she has another agenda. She sounds irritating, but it probably wasn't the best idea to hang up. Couldn't you just excuse yourself eg "OK, I'd better go now as DH will want to know whats going on - Bye".

sounds like my mil whom I no longer speak to as a result of her lunacy. Have some vodka

When we sold our flat for a larger than expected profit SIL, for some totally unknown reason, thought she should get a share. I have no idea why, except she is a lifelong alcoholic/drug user and has a distorted sense of reality. DH couldn't understand it and was extremely upset because we were only selling so that we could afford somewhere with a garden and a bedroom for dd, and if we gave SIL a share then we would have to buy somewhere even smaller than what we had just sold.

After some big fireworks and screaming from SIL, MIL decided that we should give SIL half the sale price . DH stopped speaking to SIL at this point.

MIL may well be senile. Unfortunately, sFIL is such an unpleasant man that we can't talk to him about it and obviously we can't talk to SIL about it either. Funnily enough, I did have a chat with dh this morning and suggested that he might try to bury the hatchet in order to a) find out what, if anything, is going on with MIL and b) ensure that she gets whatever help she needs if there is something wrong.

Aha, I get it now. Well, I don't but I know that you were just confusing us as MIL confused you.

Anyhooo, the last time you spoke to your DD she was with SIL? Who is hopefully unlikely to pop DD on a train to MILs, so your DH will just have to arrange with his loon of a mother where to pick DD up.

YANBU to hang up on MIL, she probably hasn't even noticed and is still withering on about SIL being home and DD being in town and when DH comes to MILs DD will be there as SIL is home and DD is in town...

Your DH will walk in and she will say, 'Oh, I am telling Jux where DD is... Jux? Juuux??'

I don't think I would place my dd in their care again anytime soon. Meet them, keep in touch if that is what you and dh want but I wouldn't leave dd with them - just going on what you've said here.

Actually, I have to agree with ZZzen here. It does not sound like they are really capable of looking after your DD. They all sound quite mad.

Why have you left your daughter with a MIL who may be senile and a sFIL who is unpleasant ? Sorry if I've missed this ?

OP - why have you left your dd in the care of (a) a MIL who is senile (b) and SFIL who is 'deeply unpleasant. Plus, I would be having kittens if my dd was in the care of a known alcoholic and lifelong drug abuser, not trying to work out the byzantine complexities of MIL's conversation, tbh.

at flat sale story. Bonkers barmy mad.

And the SIL is an alcoholic drug user ? But she's in charge of your child as well ? Along with the senile MIL and the unpleasant sFIL ?

All I seem to have got from this is that the OPs daughter is with a lifelong alcoholic/drug user who her own brother now has nothing to do with unless he has to.

No, they are not really capable of looking after dd. Well, not in my opinion anyway. I have been fighting with dh over this since dd was 2. The only way I would 'win' would be by divorcing him. Really. It might be better if I did, but I am not yet convinced of it. It's one reason why we moved 150m away, otherwise we'd be having this sort of trauma every week, instead of once a year.

sFIL is a bigoted git. DD is aware of it, and does not listen to his nasty little comments (about black people, disabled people etc). I had thought that he was a responsible chap nevertheless, but he seems to have abandoned dd in town, so not as responsible as he has been hitherto.

SIL will not be pissed/on anything this afternoon, I am also certain of that or I'd have been on the phone to cops straight away instead of pouring myself a stiff tea and getting on MN.

Sorry, but why on earth have you sent your dd to stay with the mad old people and the druggie sister?

Oh, double post. Well, sorry, if my DH tried to get me to send DS to them I'd say no, and if he tried to force it I'd be out the door. If they really are as bad as you say.

she has just posted that dh insists on it apparently. You probably cross-posted

no way on god's earth would my DCs stay with them.

You have to put your foot down. If your DH is so pigheaded he can take her there and look after her.

Otherwise he can just bugger off in my book.

Does this kind of thing happen regularly or was this a first?

Do you think that you have a chance of convincing your DH now, that his family are not fit to look after your DD?

Does DH know that DD gets "left" with his sister?

The alcoholic drug abuser who he wants nothing to do with is fine company for his daughter?
But not for him?