to wonder why some men have this problem??

[TheLadyEvenstar]

Ok Moving on from my previous thread...
my ex's gf has messaged ds1 to explain a lot of things on his fathers behalf.

and this is one of the things he has told her and she in turn has put in a message to ds1....

I cant answer your question about what went on with you and your Dad when you were seven, I was not in your Dad's life at that time, however he has told me his feelings on this matter, it hurt him a great deal to cut ties with you, he found it hard to come to a happy comprimise with your Mum, he did not feel strong enough to cope in this situation, I know it is hard to understand but I can assure you that being a parent is the hardest thing in the world, it does not come naturally to everybody, only now with my support is he able to feel strong enouigh to cope and even enjoy becoming a good and strong parent and the wonderful things that children bring into your life, he has told me many times that he could have done more and should have, but I believe it is better late than never.
.
I have kept the message and ds1 has seen it and replied.

But why can so many men get away with using their immaturity as a reason not to see their child???

[lisianthus]

I'd like to add my vote to the people who have mentioned what a mature and sensible boy your son is, TLE. I hope this works out for you and DS soon.

DuellingFango (how I wish I had a username that lent itself to Halloween stuff!) I see what you mean about it being good for the GF to encourage the ex to take some responsibility for his son's wellbeing, but it just isn't coming across to me that strongly that this is what she is doing - to me, if that was her aim, she would (as you say) be getting him to make the contact. She's also not said anything that recognises the effect this has had on the child. It does sound as if she may have been spun some sort of line about the ex being denied access, particularly given the "compromise" remark.

[poshsinglemum]

I have no idea why some men have this problem. DDs dad is the same but I guess some men just have that nurturing chip missing and are selfish, selfish, selfish. It sounds like your son will grow up to be a goodun. He will hopefully learn from his own dad's behaviour and vow to be different.
I don't think that there is an excuse for not wanting to know one's own child and it makes me livid that us single mums are blamed by the media and the tories.

[6feetundertheGroundhogs]

Ohhh, LOL! - if it were only that simple eh?? Bugger!

I'll shut up now, back in my burrow...

Oh and your LadyCroneEvenstar... (or whatever it was..) was that your Halloween name?.. you can see I'm a bit slow... been out of civilisation for a while... LOL I'm still learning to reintegrate into normal life... By starting in Mumsnet??? ROFL!

Can we collectively draft ExH a letter, and send it... along the lines of you can't 'play ' at being Dad by waiting until your son is 11 before you get some complete stranger (to the DS) to negotiate in a situation where if you are genuinely interested, you would at least be picking up the phone yourself..

It just sounds so fake, so forced, no wonder your little man is so fed up with it.

Bet you wish you could just move and change names etc.. lose the Ex completely....

hugs and thinking of you

[TheLadyEvenstar]

6Feet, yes that was my halloween name, which I will be going back to lol.

Oh Ladies you are more than welcome to collectively draft a letter, will save me the stress again!