To sort of step away from both families this christmas and...

[TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied]

just go for lunch at a restaurant- just me, DH and DS?

I will be heavily pregnant by then and I won't want to be wound up by family. I get very stressed every xmas by all the expectations.

Year before last, my sister and I had had a really rough time with 1 another, I was pregnant, she was going through IVF and hated me because of it. When xmas came and we were both pregnant and emotional we ended up rowing, DP went to the pub with his family and came home pissed, we were staying with my family at the time as we had problems with our rented home. My family did nothing at the night time and I went to bed at 6pm, bored and upset.

Last year we had lunch with my family and went to see DH's family at the pub because they couldn't tear themselves away to actually spend some time with DS. They were all drunk, tension rose and DH's nana started shouting that DS was spoilt rotten as he cried when she drunkenly grabbed at him. He was 7 months old. Horrible xmas.

This year I don't mind people coming round or us visiting them after DS has opened his prezzies in the morning, but I'd quite like DH, DS and I to go for xmas dinner together in a restaurant.

This is going to cause huge amount of moaning from the family, but I just think it is easier than all the fuss.

Then there'll be a big issue over whether we stay at home, got to DH's family or my family at night time.

Sorry this is long but I need to know whether I am being unreasonable as I don't want to really offend either family, I just want us to have a nice xmas.

[TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied]

CakeForBreakfast- sounds horrible. Glad you're doing things your way this Christmas. I SAY I'll make cookies or mince pies every xmas and I've never made one, I always buy. Got more of an incentive to bake this year as LO will be 19 months, so more fun than last year.

[NigellaTufnel]

YANBU

Last Christmas we spent four days travelling to and from my mother's house, using up DH's precious days off. Did we get any thanks, or acknowledgement from mother? Did we heck.

I would give my right arm to spend Christmas with just DH, DS, and whatever pops out in November, but there is NO WAY that that will be allowed to stand.

[piscesmoon]

' but am really worried about coming across as selfish. It seems that it is perfectly acceptable though, which is hugely reassuring. So OP, YANBU!!

I don't think it is selfish. Every so often my mother comes up with 'I always thought how nice it would be when you all came home for Christmas. I pointed out that we would all have to stay and there isn't room, we couldn't all get round the table, she would be so worked off her feet that the first people would have had to start (to stop it getting cold)and would have finished before she sat down, that it would be very difficult if the cousins had different values of presents/amount of presents and that it is hardly fair on ILs if she had us all every Christmas, and so that even if we went there it would be better to stagger years so she didn't get one on her own. She reluctantly agreed that it was a romantic dream, but I expect she will come up with the same line in the future. It makes me a bit cross because my grandparents died early on and she was free to have lovely Christmases, on our own at home-which I loved as a DC.
I don't cut her out! But she comes to us-or to a sibling.My PIL do the same.
I think it is worth starting as you mean to go on-it is far more difficult to break once you establish a pattern. It isn't selfish.

[BubbaAndBump]

Hurrah for voicing what many of us are thinking!

We're trying to do a rotational thingy: one year with ILs, then with my parents, then (this year) just us . Sneakily though my parents live close enough they can pop over to say hi so I get to see them without it breaking the rules . MIL is obsessed with md DDs so have invited her here for a little bit before Chrimble but as she stresses me out big time when she's here, so it's for a few days before (and not during) Christmas itself

[2rebecca]

I used to have to work at Cristmas so probably easily got out of the habit of visiting parents for Christmas. We also spent Christmas at home largely as children which we always enjoyed, with grandparents visiting when they became old and retired and not wanting to spend Christmas in their own house. I wanted the children to have the same sort of christmas that I had (although divorce has now changed that)
I think grandparents have to realise that their house isn't their childrens' "home" any more and I think spending Christmas in your own house is just part of growing up and the transition from child to adult.
I've visited my parents at Christmas and my exes parents but we never felt under any obligation to visit anyone. I think as long as no relative is being left to have Christmas completely on their own and they have an invite to go somewhere if they wish no-one is being selfish and the desire of young families to have Christmas at home with their children is just as valid as the desire of grandparents to be surrounded by their brood so they can cluck.
Once you've had Christmas on your own once the expectation of visiting is much reduced for future years.

[danthe4th]

We always have xmas day at home,my dh takes the kids to his parents on xmas eve and we see mine on boxing day. Xmas at home is great,we open the stockings when we get up, I do a full english breakfast which fills everyone up, then I always sort out a few prezzies which are new games, so we play, then go for a walk.Then dinner will be at 3/4pm and most of it is from m and s, I have a rolled stuffed turkey, with the trimmings but I also cover the table with buffet type food so everyone is happy and no one asks for food ever again!!

[colditz]

Just stay at HOME! "What are you doing on Christmas day dear TotallyAndUtteryPaninied?"

"Why we are staying at home, in our pyjamas, and having a Quiet Christmas. It will be LOVELY."