...to have kicked H out over this?

[feralgirl]

1. Been acting weird, shaved his pubes, goes out at every available opportunity.

1. Last night I found pics on his phone sent to him by a girl he works with with her tits out and comments such as "I want you suckin' my tits". He says she sent them to him "by accident". I'd never heard of or met this girl before.

1. This Facebook conversation, found when I snooped this morning:

H:
28 June at 08:17
i miss u! miss texting you xxx

Her:
28 June at 17:38
Miss u
Had enough here-another barney!! Completely fucked off.
Sorry-love u x

H:
28 June at 19:39
want u h***!! bored of it all now!! miss u so much xxx

Her:
29 June at 18:23
Wot bored of me?!!
Never i know!! xxxx

H:
29 June at 18:24
where's my text....?

1. The fact that his Facebook status at 10.40 pm on 1st July was "ahhhhhhh what a day!!!!!! again please!!!" This was the day that I went back to work and that evening we'd been for our first session with Relate. He'd seemed really pissed off and miserable after the counselling. One minute before he updated his status, he'd sent her a Facebook message saying "lush!!!! More??? xxx"

He denies everything.

[HolyGuacamole]

Hell hath no fury.......

What a prick! You're well rid that is for sure.
And.....you're definitely NOT being unreasonable!

[curiositykilled]

My X did almost the exact same thing. He had pics of girl on his phone naked with message "here's the pics you asked for xxx" his answer was "I haven't done anything, she's a weirdo that is stalking me" yet he was texting her 60 times everyday.

4 years on he is still with naked girl and still maintains he was not sleeping with her whilst we were together. I'm not really sure why he's still lying since I am married now and have always maintain that I was not stupid enough to believe he was telling the truth. When I brought up the issue (he's still lying) in mediation as a reason why I can't fully trust him to tell the truth about DCs/work/anything the mediator actually couldn't contain her amusement.

My X was also a waste of space financially e.t.c. YANBU to get rid. You can't be together if he is both cheating and lying.

If there's one thing I've learned from my experience it is never, ever kid yourself into relying on a waster like this for anything. Very important that you separate his access from his maintenance too. It is likely he will carry on womanising and wasting his life, he'll avoid seeing your dc, he won't pay maintenance or take any responsibility for anything. Despite all of this you need to focus on enabling your dc to see him and have a good relationship.

You should give up trying to get his family onside too. They raised him to be who he is and it is likely (and their job to a certain extent) to support him.

[feralgirl]

Onlywantsone, I've spoken to him because I didn't feel that it was fair to stop him from seeing DS (who after all has done nothing wrong and loves his daddy). H still maintains his innocence, I just don't know.

I've argued with my family and his in the last two days about my reaction on Weds.

I have decided and he has agreed that we should continue to go to Relate, even if it is just in order to mediate as amicable a split as poss, and he's staying with his mother for the foreseeable future.

I'll be fine because I've got lots of friends, a gorgeous DS and a brill job. I'm actually quite enjoying having the house to myself, playing my music and cooking food that I like. TBH, not having him here isn't all that different to how it's been when he has been here anyway, I just haven't got the ever-present noise of the sodding XBox in the background.

Thanks again everyone.

[cheesesarnie]

yanbu youre being very reasonable!

[HalfMumHalfBiscuit]

Feralgirl - you sound like you are in a good place and whether your DP had had an affair or not you would be better off without him.

Unfortunately you will have to keep him in your life for your DS's sake.

You do sound very positive about everything so perhaps this has happened for the best? Glad you have a good support network.

[Tortington]

you did completely the right thing - its funny isn't it how we let ourselves be convinced that their feable excuses just might be true

hes lying - we all know he is, from the little you gave us ( and who know how much more of it there is) i think most of us can tell that he has ben having some kind of relationship with her at some level.

anyway - i admire your stance greatly. good luck

[seaturtle]

Feralgirl- I think dumping his stuff at work and kicking his XBox down the stairs is fantastic! I know this probably makes me look childish, but he deserved it. Hope it all goes well with you. I'm a single mum, and sometimes when I hear about guys like this I'm glad I am.

[mummytowillow]

Poor you your completely justified doing what you did.

But now I would get even, log on again to his Facebook and tell all his friends what he's been up to! But thats what I would do, some wouldn't and its probably the wrong thing to do if thinking logically!!

Hope your OK xx

[monkeypinkmonkey]

feralgirl- well done! What a knob. You and ds will be fine without him. As a single mum, I found the idea of being a single mum scarier than actually being one. Good luck.