to wish that people would sod off with their unsolicited childrearing advice?

[domesticslattern]

Today in Gap, the poncey sales assistant came over, told me she was a "baby specialist" and instructed me to raise the pushchair raincover so that my baby didn't get too hot as it was "bad for her ears".



I only wanted a pair of socks.

The week before some woman in the cafe across the road told me off for leaving my baby in her pushchair outside the cubicle while I had a very quick pee. "That's dangerous you know!"

(Yes I know it is, but with my pelvic floor I can't always wait madam).

And lo and behold, some old bat on the District line at the weekend leans over, gets out her passport to show me that she is a doctor, and offers the advice that my baby has a misshapen skull and DH and I need to hold her differently so it evens out.

I have also had: "I think he's hot!" from someone on the Piccadilly line when DD was crying after her feed was late, and another young woman coming up to tell me that DD "really needs a sunhat in this weather" (she had just thrown it on the floor of the train and I didn't notice until we got off).

Do other people get this or do I have a tattoo on my forehead saying please give me your opinion on my baby?

And what do you say?

ARRRRRRRRGH rant over

[PuppyMonkey]

Thanks domestic... the first bit of your post relly made me giggle. Did you get some nice socks in the end?

I find that when I'm out with DD2, she only has to give the slightest hint that she might cry and some stranger will appear out of nowhere and tell me: "She's teething, you know."

She might be sometimes, I know.

But not EVERY time...

[Mumi]

YANBU!

If the sales assistant is such a "baby specialist", wtf is she doing working at the Gap? I agree with raising the rain cover so she didn't get too hot, but funnily enough, weather in hotter parts of world isn't bad for anyone's ears, young or old - certainly not as bad as listening to such crap is

District Line woman may not necessarily be a doctor of medicine either.

[ScottishMummy]

i love that every nosy ole know it all is a paediatrician/dentist/nutritionist just roaming to comment free street consultations to every harassed mum

[ImnotMamaGbutsheLovesMe]

Just trying to help.

[Elasticwoman]

the first time I ever went out with pfb in pram, some one informed me, with profuse apologies, that the pram wasn't safely assembled. She sorted it for me and I was grateful. Both dh and I are rubbish about anything technical. It is amazing I have ever learnt to post on MN.

But OP does seem to have had more than her fair share of the world's opinion.

[BalloonSlayer]

DS1 had horrendous eczema as a baby, due to food allergies.

It was so bad that when we finally insisted on a paediatrician's appointment (GP wasn't going to suggest it) the paediatrician admitted him straight away.

EVERYONE in the street was always an expert on eczema and miracle cures. It was always thus: "Ahhh my grandson had terrible eczema too. Just as bad as that. They tried everything. Eventually they found this wonderful stuff and it cured it completely. Now what was it called [wait of several minutes] . . . it was in a blue bottle [heart sinks] . . . oh yes it was called Oilatum ! You put some in the bath and it's like a miracle."

Yes thank you for wasting 10 mins of my LIFE telling me about the well-known cure for very mild eczema you old BORE whilst leading me up the garden path thinking you might actually be going to help me uuuuuuurrrrgggghhhh

Sorry think I just needed to rant that one out after all these years

[MorningTownRide]

I have been for a wee (in the last cubicle) with the door open with the pram half wedged in

"Oooooh did you drop her?" - looking at dds birthmark on her forehead....

[pagwatch]

DS2 has SN so I spent about five years getting helpful advice from people every time we left the house.
Once he was screaming in Waitrose and a woman said "that boy needs a slap" so I replied "you are right. Lets take him out the back. You hold him and I'll beat the shit out of him" all said with an excited demeanour and unstrapping DS2 as I spoke.
She legged it.

OP you do seem to be getting a lot of attention. You need to develop a 'fuck off' stare and some retorts.

Some of it is likely to be an 'invisible tatoo' effct as no one ever said a solitary word to DH when he was out with DS2 .Something in your body language is telling people that you are approachable with this stuff.
Given that DS2 has autism I found my best defence was never to make eye contact

[jimjamshaslefttheyurt]

This thread has made me laugh. Especially the bit about long earlobes being a sign of intelligence.

[jimjamshaslefttheyurt]

Pagwatch- dh always worries that someone is running off to phone the police/SS when he takes ds1 out.....

[NotQuiteCockney]

I highly recommend shaving your head. Seriously. I had a brush cut for nearly all the time DS1 and DS2 were tiny, and I had very little advice, and most of it was relevant. (e.g., on child facing away from me in sling 'his hat is over his eyes')

Then again, I have hair now, and am still Scary Looking.

Was the District Line Paediatrician foreign, by any chance? She sounds foreign.

[zazen]

I used to thank people for their advice and concern, and then just look away, and don't look at them again.

It's true though a good hard stare also works wonders. Just practice looking someone up and down from their Carmen Miranda hat to their footgloves up and down a few times, don't say anything, just look curious: that really gets them running.

LOL at the shop assistant self styled 'baby specialist'.PMSL Does she use the cubicles to change into her 'BS' cape??

[pagwatch]

jimjam


Dh mostly got sympathy 'look at that poor man trying to cope with that terrible child all on his own. Wonder where the mother is.... shopping I expect '

btw Waitrose again.
we did learn eventually

[pagwatch]

ROLF at BS cape

[bran]

NQC, I have hair and I've never had unsolicited advice of the bonkers sort. I must be naturally scary, or possibly it's just that I am a perfect mother and there is nothing at all to criticise.

I suspect that I give off "stay-away" vibes naturally.

[lovelysongbird]

yanbu at all.
i hate it too.
so rude

[bran]

I forgot to say YANBU DomesticSlattern, the only unsolicited thing any stranger should say is how cute your child is.

[domesticslattern]

You're right. It's me, isn't it? That is the terrible realisation. I am slightly pudgy and blonde and ditsy looking, and encourage DD to smile at strangers. That is my fatal error.

There is also something going on NQC about the foreign issue, you're right. The District Line paediatrician was Polish, while the cafe health and safety expert and Gap baby specialist were both American.

I adopted in all cases Great British Reserve and thanked them kindly, while seething inside. I think I might explode though at the next person, poor sod.

Pagwatch you made me laugh aloud. Waitrose though? Surely not?

[domesticslattern]

Bran you know that is the worst thing! When the Gap sales assistant came over and looked at smiley DD in her cute little brand new bear outfit (I know, I know, but they are only young once), I puffed up all proud as I thought I knew what she was going to say. Then, pop. Just that I am a bad mother.

Tsk.

[MrsBates]

I complimented a mother with two very charming and well behaved children the other day. She was very flustered when she realised what I was saying and, for some reason I suddenly felt very tearful and had to walk off blinking frantically. I was thinking of my own children and how proud of them I am I suppose. See what a day out alone can do for your weary relationship with the little honeys?

[MrsBates]

But agree re unsolicited advice although there is no escape.

[Blu]

DomesticSlattern - the nature of the advice veers into a different realm if you have a child with a noticable disability. I have had to fend off attempts at unsolicited faith healing in the middle of the street, descriptions of miracles carried out by S American witch-doctors by a man who actually tried to steer DS's wheelchair towards the place the witch-doctor praticed (somewhere in Brixton High rd if anyone's interested) and a woman who stopped to pray and tell us the 'footprints in the sand' story because she thought that it was somehow relevant to wheelchair use.

Also - DS was not able to start waking at all until he had had surgery to re-position his foot. He was fitted for his orthopaedic footwear as his plaster came off so that it would support his foot as he learned to walk. Cue woman in park (on our first outing) telling me most forcefully that it was very wrong to let children learn to walk in shoes - they must wear Daisy Roots or be barefoot....

[NotQuiteCockney]

Ah, but try actually visiting foreign places (well, Canada's not foreign to me, but ykwim ...). I have got mouth from people for things like:

• having a crying child
• letting my child ride his likeabike on the pavement, within my sight

Oh god, I can't even bear to think of all the things now, but foreign people do have different rules about when to stick their oar in. And it's really annoying when you're used to the British method (glare, seeth, and then go bitch to your friends/post on MN about it later ), but they don't mean to be rude. They think they're being helpful, not a festival of asshattery.

[Anchovy]

Ah yes, we had the "miracle cures for eczema" things as well. DD used to have cracked and bleeding cheeks. Thanks to the "sharing" from random strangers, I now know:

1. Quite a lot of people in SW London have a friend or relative "much worse than that" (competitive eczema'ing); but

1. It disappeared completely on the single application of a "cream", which was either homeopathic or E45.

1. I really ought to think about changing my washing powder;

1. I shouldn't feel guilty about "giving it to her". But it was clearly caused by me drinking mailk/wine/peanuts/coffee while pregnant/breastfeeding

1. On no account was I to give her steroid cream, whatever the paedeatrician said. There were much better qualified people on the coffee shops of SW London who knew all about the dangers of it.