Not sure. What's your view? About a hen do.

[theinsider]

Going on a hen do soon, various events over a weekend. The provisional itinery includes three meals, two bars, two day-time events tbc (maybe spa session, matinee, that kind of thing). I don't think people are expected to go to all of it if they can't/don't want to - there's meant to be something for everyone. I'll probably go to about two-thirds, despite 3 under 4 and poor, the bride is quite a good friend. She knows nothing about the plans/arrangements.

The person organising it has asked for £20 from each attendee to pay for the bride's weekend. At first I had no problem with this but have started to think. I've never been on a hen do where the bride goes free before (although I've only been on about 4 before, including my own!). I don't mind coughing up if this is standard. Or even if it isn't, as I say she's quite a good friend. It's just I'v never come across it before.

So AIBU to feel the bride should pay for her own hen expenses?

[pudding25]

My friends paid for me to go on my hen do but I had a lot of people going so it was only an extra few quid each and I had already discussed with my 2 best friends who were organising it that I did not want the hen night to cost much. I think it is really selfish to have a very lavish hen do and just expect people to pay loads. My wedding was out of town so people already had to pay for a hotel as well as a present.

[macdoodle]

Katie why on earth didn't you ask for the money - my god just say ok guys thats £30 each (or whatever) - blimey you have no one to blame but yourself (I would have offered but by god woman you should have asked!)...

[theinsider]

Oh and KatieDD I can't believe noone offered you money back

I like the idea of a trip to Alton Towers, haven't been since I was a teenager I'm going to suggest that for the next hen do I'm involved with.

[theinsider]

Sorry I haven't been back - internet connection slowed to a standstill yesterday.

Seems that whether the bride pays for herself is a moot point.

I should have clarified that the bride is fully aware that her chief bridesmaid is organising a/the hen do for that weekend and is expecting a full weekend of events, it's just the detail she doesn't know.

Obviously I would have expected to pay for drinks etc, contributions to meals, as cestlavie says, it just surprised me somewhat to be expected to contribute to everything .

I'll pay, ask what it covers and mention vaguely about money constraints. I'm sure it'll be a nice weekend (as long as no smear tests in the pub involved )

But I'll definitely get myself chips on the way home.

[domesticslattern]

God I hate hen dos. When I got married I didn't have one, on principle. They are really getting out of control IMHO.

The problem is, once you agree to go to one, then you are signed up for the full monty, as it were. Which does include paying for the hen, in my experience yes. Catz's idea is a good one- take it off the present! And I would definitely make noises early on about not having a bottomless budget- people can be quite thoughtless (unintentionally) when organising things, but might benefit from a little reminder.

[Catzenobia]

The simplest thing might be to pay and then pay £20 less on the wedding present if you are getting one. Two of my hens came for the hen weekend rather than buying a present and it was a great present for me as I have great memories of the weekend.

[pookamoo]

For mine, my sister and I organised to hire a hot tub for the weekend, which went in our mum's garden, then we had a BBQ and asked the girls to bring a bottle each to share.
12 girls, £15 each, great time.
(And I did pay for myself, too!)

Others I have been on or invited on were sooooo expensive!

[cestlavie]

Just to give a guy's stag night/ weekend perspective.

It my experience it's entirely normal for people to chip in for the groom whether it's upfront, paying for any activities or just making sure that he doesn't have to put his hand in his pocket at any time for the night/ weekend for drink, food, club entry etc (the "whip").

I have absolutely no problem for this - it's (probably) the one stag weekend they'll have in their lives, you want them to have a fantastic time and it's simply like giving them a gift (of a care free night out). Again, in my experience, although very few people have been unable to afford to chip in some amount, where they have been unable to it's been no problem. When I was best man, one guy just said something along the lines "Mate, I really can't afford to pay for me and chip in for the groom" and it was no problem - you either pay for it out of your pocket or ask everyone else just puts in that fraction more.

[katiepotatie]

i am organising my sisters hen (meal at a jazz club,live music and dancing) I presumed she would be paying for herself ( i did at mine). I bloody hope she is anyway, as i've just found out DH (bestman) is paying for her fiance to go to Poland for the weekend for his stag!!

[squeaver]

Yes it's all so forced isn't it. And there's always a couple of people who won't mix. And someone who never goes out and ends up snogging a random bloke.

The groups you see at the airport in the t-shirts and the deely-boppers are the worst.

[Oblomov]

oh no. I don't do 'class'.
I just like chips on the way home.

[MrsSchadenfreude]

It was very classy Oblomov.

[Oblomov]

I'd like to go to mrsfreude's do.
A bag of chips on the way home. Sounds grand.

[margoandjerry]

love thesmallclanger's analogy of having a smear test done in a pub

All dreadful tbh. Hate all attempts at pampering, even hate the word. Also hate all hen related activities. If there has to be a hen do it should be a hen night. As in one night out with friends. Then stop.

[curleyshirley]

I would also expect to pay for the bride - and have done always done so (as far as I know). Was also paid for on mine (but set a per person budget with the organisers so I knew it was affordable to most, and my cost, which they wanted to include, had to be within that budget).

[squeaver]

Sorry all I can add is how much I hate, hate, hate hen nights/weekends/whatever they've become. What a waste of everyone's time and money.

[TheSmallClanger]

Done, even.

[TheSmallClanger]

I know. Who decided that pamper days (shudder!) were a fun group activity as well? Having waxing done in front of pissed others is a bit like having a smear test dones in the pub...

[theowlwhowasafraidofthedark]

I would normally expect to pay for the bride when going to a hen do.

[MrsSchadenfreude]

What's wrong with getting pissed, throwing up and then eating a bag of chips on the way home (which was what I did)? Why have these things turned into expensive weekends?

[OneLieIn]

I think normally the bride goes free. What I would say is that if anyone does not pay up fully, some poor sod gets landed with the bill. At my sister's hen do, it was all agreed up front and yet I ended up paying 100 quid for some of her friends who thought it was ok to pay less than everyone else. I never forgave them for that and tbh, it soured the whole experience.

[magicfairy]

just been on a hen weekend, saturday we got take away, then went to the pub, between us we paid for the hens meal and drinks. then on sunday we had a pamper day at a hotel, which the hen paid for herself. I dont think you are beinh unresonable.
Although i must admit i didnt pay for my hen do, but we only hired a local bar and had some food and drinks, hen do's seem to have become full on weekends of itinaries now!