to think that in laws could have paid for taxi back from airport

[pamelat]

Am more than happy to be told that I am unreasonable as I think that I might be being .. !

My Dh has been gone for over 2 hours, will be another 40 mins or so to fetch his parents from the airport, take them home and then back to our house again.

In itself its not a problem but it coincides with our 6 month olds tea time, so as in the week I did tea, bath (no mean feat!), bottle and bed for myself.

In laws are well off. Could they not have just paid £30 for a taxi, it will have cost us £15 or so in petrol (and nearly 3 hours of our Sunday). Would rather have paid half of their taxi price

Sometimes this "Pick me up from the airport" business is more hassle than its worth. We always park or sort ourselves out.

So, am I?!!

[amidaiwish]

pamelat i know how you feel as dh has a demanding family. he is always driving the other side of london (which can be 45 mins each way if clear traffic but often ends up a 3hr round trip) to fix their printer, or door sill or some other nonsense.

but i am glad i have a dh who loves his family. as they say, check how he treats his mum as that is how he'll treat you in 20 years time!

you know what i do now, i send one of the DDs with him. They are always so well loved and looked after when they get there, and so what if they eat a pitta with cheese for a meal, or miss a bath? You know, it really doesn't matter! Quite often i send him with their milk and a pair of pjs, if he runs late then he changes her and puts her in the car all ready for bed then transfers her. Yes i know that ruins her "routine" but it doesn't make that much difference and i get a whole evening off the whole bedtime thing!!

Start to look for opportunities to get some space/a break - the routine/bath thing doesn't have to happen every night.

now go give your dh a hug xx

[LyraSilvertongue]

Oh, an Pamelat, don't waste naptimes doing housework. As soon as DD goes down for her nap, grab your book and head out to the garden for some me time.

[Judy1234]

I think the best answer is he take 6 months year old in car. You spend 3 hours with your feet up.

Some families do make a big thing of these air port things. My daughters (21/23) are often the only ones of their peers not collected from air ports. I just don't have the time or inclination.

Some families almost have a religion of doing air port pick ups. I think it's just differences in culture between different families.

But it's his life , his parents, his decision as long as you get an equivalent amount of time off from the child to make up, on your own. Always helps if both partners earn the same and for mothers of babies to work full time though then you get fewer of these resentments building up.

[LyraSilvertongue]

I agree, it does get better and it will all be worth it. I felt exactly as you do Pamelat when DS1 was tiny, and even worse when DS1 was two and DS2 was a newborn.
Now they're 4 and (nearly)6 and they play together, leaving me lots of time for MNing/reading newspapers etc. Also they're out of the house every day (one at school, one at nursery) so I get a couple of hours to potter around the house/read books in my hammock in the garden/clean while listening to loud music etc.

[skidoodle]

What is this the 70s?

Getting on a plane is not such a huge deal anymore that you need to have someone come to pick you up from the airport when you get back from holidays.

Sorry, but I don't think you're being at all unreasonable.

Yes, it's very nice for your husband to help out his parents. But he's doing it at your expense. You put the baby to bed five days a week. Expecting the baby's father to do his share at the weekend is not unreasonable.

Did he ask you whether it would be OK for him to shirk his responsibilities to his immediate family to do an utterly pointless favour for his parents?

I'm all about helping family out but there is no way I would be offering to pick people up from the airport every time they came back from their holidays. Ridiculous. What kind of "help" is that anyway? What is he providing for them that couldn't be achieved with far less hassle by just getting a cab?

Why on earth would anyone want to put out a family with a young child for such a completely pointless favour?

Sure, it's "nice" to have someone pick you up from the airport. It's also pretty nice to have your husband at home at the weekends when you're looking after a baby full time.

I absolutely fail to see how their wish not to have to get a taxi from the airport can possibly trump your wish to spend Saturday evening with your husband and child doing your normal stuff.

[oi]

I think you do need to make a conscious decision to make things better for yourself though, don't you think 1973? You need to put in the work, you need to start looking at what you want to get out of life and doing things that are fun for you (like reading a book in the sun!).

Having a healthy family is marvellous but that doesn't mean you can't be unhappy or not content but you are at least aware of what's going on and now just need to try and work on it. It won't happen overnight but maybe try and change things slowly slowly. As i said before, it's a big adjustment for some people (was for me!).

[1973]

lay off her, you lot fgs.
I felt very much like you did, resentful and edgy about everything and everyone. i just found it hard to adjust to my life not really being mine anyomre.
it gets better, i promise. by 12 months i got used to my new life, my old carefree existance was not even a memory and i started to really enjoy my life for what it was. that sorts out the resentment issues lol.
it WILL get better, i promise.

[pamelat]

Actually Lizs that would have been a good idea, I wouldnt have minded the drive out (in the sunshine) - didnt even think of that.

Thanks Oi, am on a years maternity leave. Used to work full time.

Changed my pill this week and had 2 nights of lots of wakenings from little girl, she was up 5 times last night - maybe that doesnt help, she had been sleeping through.

The rest of my lfe scenario is terrifying. I want to lie in the sun and read my book, for maybe an hour or two!

Dh is brilliant practically but if I talk about emotions he just says how lucky we are, beautiful healthy daughter - which I know is lucky but as I say I just resent the constant-ness of it (if that is a word!)

[oi]

resentment is just awful pamelat. It nearly destroyed me. I look back at those times and can't believe how utterly and horribly resentful I was. It felt like it was devouring me and my relationship with dh.

I promise you, you can come out the other side of this but you need to start thinking about yourself and your life and once you start doing that, and creating a little space just for you, that resentment will slowly start going away as your self confidence starts to build itself up.

That's a very simplistic picture I've painted. But it's like that and it can be fixed. It's not necessarily returning to the old you, it's learning to be comfortable in your new skin.

[LIZS]

"I would do it for my parents but they would ask me first whether it clashed with bed time etc etc, just a bit more thought would have been nice."

That ratehr implies thye might ask if there were a problem of timing but you(or dh) would do it anyway as they are hardly likely to change the flights to suit. If you felt tonight was important for dh and lo to be together would you have gone instead ?

[cornsilk]

Your dh should pick them up. 6 months is not a particularly difficult age. Routine will probably be knocked out while they visit anyway.

[oi]

oh pamelat

it really isn't that unusual my love...I can 'see' how you are feeling from your post and I went through a stage of that too

it was very brave to go to the GP - have you sat down and told dh how you feel?

it sounds like you do need a bit more space maybe? did you give up work to have child?

honestly, it can be a huge adjustment - it was for me. It's not plain sailing for everyone and I think 6 months ish can be hard because you're STILL knackered but are coming out the other end of the early months where everything is a haze and the sort of 'rest of your life' scenario starts dawning on you.

[Alambil]

yabu - a baby isn't difficult to deal with for a few hours. Bath and bed baby later if you want dad to do it; it won't hurt.

[pamelat]

I think most of you keep saying that it would be different if it were my parents, whereas that it is NOT what I said.

I was questioning myself with, would it?

I feel that I have an honest and close enough relationship with mine to say that "would love to see you and will be round first thing tomorrow but pick up time clashes with bed time, etc etc - bit inconvient, cant you ask your daughter (who has no kids)"

Anyway ... its really not that bigger a deal, but you certainly have some strong opinions on it

[expatinscotland]

Then suggest he take the baby along.

It's ONLY a few hours and it doesn't happen all the time.

[LyraSilvertongue]

I don't think it's the doing of the favour that's the issue here, it's the being left alone yet again with the children at a time when you'd normally have help.
It was for me anyway.

[LIZS]

yabu especially if you have a double standard of being happy to do it for your own parents but not his. A 6mo is still a moveable feast and you having to do his routine again isn't disruptive in the scheme of things. It is only you who is put out and trying to make dh feel bad for doing a good turn. One day you might be able to call in the favour in return.

[pamelat]

I do feel extremely resentful, about most things at the moment. Sometimes I dont even realise until afterwards.

Your post (oi) actually made me nearly cry - the its not unusual bit of it.

I dont know.

Didnt grill Dh but he wishing he hadnt said about it now!

He says that I always look for the worst in people when I used to always look for the best.

All I really want is "task assistance" as we jokingly call it or to be completely by myself with a book.

I couldnt even bring myself to ask him whether they had had a nice holiday - its not really like me to be like this. I used to be told off for being too trusting, loving etc etc.

Not trying to make it a bigger thing that it is though as went to GP and she said my anxieties/stress are usual new mum stuff. Apparently if you are used to be in control of your life (not any more!) it takes some getting used to.

[suedonim]

How sad that people begrudge doing little things for others. It's not a great imposition, surely, when it's just once in a while? It's the sort of thing that makes the world go round imo. My ds2 drove 70 miles each way three weeks ago just to say 'hello' to us when we landed in the US where he lives - I wonder if his dw had a go at him about wasting time and petrol?

Btw, just because a flight is delayed taking off doesn't mean it will land late. We're often overdue when leaving Nigeria but almost always land on time or even early. Lovely at 5am on a December morning!

[Roboshua]

This reminds of a similar issue in our house almost exactly 4 years ago. My mother-in-law lives abroad and was coming over at the same time I was due to give birth (an issue in itself!!). We live up North but for reasons best known to herself she decided to fly to London in stead. She expected her son to come and pick her up at six in the morning which he agreed to (only child, Mummy's boy) with no consideration for me. As it turned out I was due to be released from hospital the day before her plane was due and as my other half 'had things to get ready' and wanted to set off to London (with our 4 year old) he wanted me to get a taxi on my own with our newborn from the hospital home. As you can imagine that was a definite 'no' (accompanied by floods of post natal tears). However he still left me on my own to travel down to Londodn to pick her up despite the fact when she lived in London when she was in England and there was plenty of family and friends who could have picked her up with her getting a train later.

On your issue I do think you're being slightly unreasaonable. It's a one off and they are his parents. If he was going out with the lads or playing rugby every weekend I think you'd have some cause to complain.

[oi]

(although we are v self sufficient too and I find it can grate me when others aren't but not enough to piss me off)

[Weegle]

I think you need to apolgise to your DH. I think I'd feel a bit narked to walk in the door after a 3 hour drive to be got at by my other half, just for helping someone out.

[oi]

lol at wanting to be offered petrol money....err it's family and I assume your dh said yes! Why on earth would they offer petrol money! It's called doing someone a favour. It's lovely being collected from the airport by someone you know. Also, you can check the times of the flights on teletext or on the computer and he would have been able to see it was late as soon as he got to the airport. I think they may not have texted you before they took off because international flights can often make up time in the air so they wouldn't have known what time it was going to arrive.

I think you are being v unreasonable and sound unbelievably resentful (it's not that unusual you know, feeling resentful when you have a young child). Are you struggling on your own with the baby during the week?

[LyraSilvertongue]

did this, not died

[LyraSilvertongue]

DP died this once - he drove across London (nearly 2 hours) to pick up his dad and take him to the airport. He was gone for about four hours.
The main reason I minded was it was the day after we got back from a two-week holiday and I was left alone with all the unpacking, a mountain of washing, a three-month-old and a two-year-old.