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AIBU?

Not to be falling over myself to say congratulation on the expected baby

54 replies

EddiBritt · 10/06/2008 18:29

DP has a friend who is 40 going on 12.
At the end of last year he left his partner and child to move in with a woman he met on the intrenet, saying his partner was trying to control him..... Turns out he said he wanted to quit yet another job and she said ok but get a new job first, not exactly trying to rule his world is it!

So he moves away, in with this other woman who has a bit of money and 3 children.
He see little of his child and has still got no job and is not giving any money to his ex, who is working full time and doing a really good job raising their child.
Now I know what goes on in other peoples lives is nothing to do with me but.....

He called to say he and new woman (who he has now married) are going to have a baby, DP things this is great but I don't.
He has walked out on his child, he has no job and is very childish, and it would seem she is 12 weeks along but was here 4 weeks ago smoking and drank 4 yes ladies 4 bottles of wine.

By all accounts is still drinking and smoking too. DP can't wok out why I am not knitting booties!

I don't want to say oh lovely well done because that is not how I feel.
Have namechanged as DP snoops sometimes.

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Desiderata · 10/06/2008 18:36

I find it rather hard to believe that she drank four bottles of wine all to herself.

Yes, he sounds like an arse, and I can understand your predicament, however.

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DirtySexyMummy · 10/06/2008 18:40

You have no idea what happened between him and his ex. Presumably he realised he does not love her, which in my opinion is a good enough reason to not be with someone anymore. The reasons they split up are irrelevant anyway.

You are being judgemental. Your DP's friend has met someone, got married and is expecting a child. You should be pleased for them. I don't understnad why you are not, TBH.

If a relationship breaks up, do you think the parties involved are not entitled to be happy again with someone else? You are being childish.

Also - she may well be 12 weeks pregnant, but may not have known 4 weeks ago.

And don't base your opinions on 'by all accounts'.

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Desiderata · 10/06/2008 18:49

I don't think that not loving someone is a good enough excuse to walk out on a small child, for a woman you've met on the internet, however.

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expatinscotland · 10/06/2008 18:51

Even at the height of my alcohol abuse I couldn't get 4 bottles of wine down on my own.

Wow, that's a lot.

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Desiderata · 10/06/2008 18:52

That's what I was thinking, expat. I could've managed two (and felt very rough), but not four.

And with pregnancy hormones swimming around, I find it quite unlikely, tbh.

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Janos · 10/06/2008 18:54

YANBU and you are entitled to your feelings about this man.

He sounds very immature and irresponsible. Men who don't support their children are low lives.

Anyway, he is DH friend, isn't he, not yours? There's no reason why you have to be nice to him at all.

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EddiBritt · 10/06/2008 18:54

He has had a few affairs that he has told us about, and he was quite proud of them all.
I think his partner and child are better off without him.
The new wife is nice, I don't dislike her.
He told DP they knew when they were here but did not tell anyone till the 12 week scan, so she knew when she was smoking and drinking, and yes it was 4 bottles.

I know relationships break down, been there done that.
But how many time has someone posted to say blokey has done a runner with someone else and not paying child support and everyone here has all but hung drawn and quartered him in cyber space.

I think he should get a job pay for the child he already has and be a father to that child before he has more.
Also he will no doubt be trying to get money of off DP again soon (DP ended up giving him a shitload towards the wedding)

Yes I AM judging, sadly too many people think it is the norm to pop out a child with every person they meet and not pay for them.

I am going on things he has said about his relationship with his Ex, not what I think.

Either way I feel sorry for the little baby who will be born pickled at this rate.

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EddiBritt · 10/06/2008 18:57

Sorry should say 4 bottles over two days.
Red wine, DP and his mate were on beer and I was not drinking

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DirtySexyMummy · 10/06/2008 18:57

You think people should stay together when they no longer love each other?

You think a man should stay with a woman he does not love, and that a woman should have to live her life with a man who does not give her the love she deserves?

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expatinscotland · 10/06/2008 18:59

K, yeah, I was still about 4 bottles.

Seriously, I could drink, but 2 bottles at an absolute max of an evening, once or twice dipped into a 3rd bottle before passing out.

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DirtySexyMummy · 10/06/2008 18:59

You said that the new wife has 'a bit of money' so presumably she can afford this new child, with or without him.

Suggesting a baby will be born pickled is, well,

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LittleMissTickles · 10/06/2008 19:02

She's not saying that Sexymummy, she is perhaps hinting at the fact that not 'feeling in love' right now is not a reason to leave your family behind. A person of substance would first try to work things out. I'm just guessing at her meaning here of course.

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LittleMissTickles · 10/06/2008 19:03

If the baby's mummy is drinking 4 bottles of wine in 2 days there is certainly a risk of foetal alcohol syndrome.

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DirtySexyMummy · 10/06/2008 19:06

My question was not to the OP, it was to desi.

I just think this is insane judging on a situation the OP knows nothing about. Its all second hand information.

I don't care, and don't see why she does.

And, 'pickled'? FFS.

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Desiderata · 10/06/2008 19:07

When there's a child involved, dSM, I certainly think people should try a little harder, don't you?

Come one, he's got a partner and a small child, and he's trawling through the internet to find another woman. He doesn't sound like the kind of man I'd want to shag.

One thing's for certain. His ex is better off without him ... a fact I'm fairly certain his current squeeze will soon cotton on to herself.

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TotalChaos · 10/06/2008 19:09

YABU. As whatever you feel about the parents' behaviour (which sounds fairly dismal on the basis of what you said, but obviously two sides to every story yada yada), there is an innocent child involved. I strongly believe (having been told on many an occasion that my mother's unplanned PG ruined her life) that all babies should be welcomed.

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EddiBritt · 10/06/2008 19:09

I think 4 bottles is a hell of a lot pregnant or not tbh.

She has a bit of money but not alot and 3 children already.

I think it is really bad that .
A. he is not supporting his child that he has

B. she is drinking and they are both heavy smokers still

C. He cant spell commitment let alone do it

D. he is chatting to other women on Myspace already.

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DirtySexyMummy · 10/06/2008 19:13

Jesus. What a thing to assume!

I tried damn hard with my XP and though he tried anything he could to keep us together, I was no longer in love with him and knew it would not work.

I also have a friend whose wife left him, and their children as she was severely depressed. They were both deeply miserable. She moved away, left her children and husband, for 6 months. She needed to sort herself out. She met another man, on the internet as it happens (not on dating chat rooms, it was on a support forum for depressed people) and now they live together. She sees her children often, but they are resident with my friend.

He is my friend, she is not. However, everyone was gossiping and being really, really nasty about her, making all sorts of assumptions. It made me sick. They had no what had gone on, yet blamed her for everything, and he got full sympathy even though the problems in their relationship were both their faults and she was depressed.

People are so bloody quick to make assumptions based on one side of a story, told second hand.

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Desiderata · 10/06/2008 19:13

I don't think you should be judgey on her drinking habits, eddi. I can easily put away four bottles over two days, if I'm in the party mood.

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expatinscotland · 10/06/2008 19:14

I don't think 4 bottles over a party weekend is over the score.

Not that I really notice what others are drinking because it's not really my business.

Unless they drink all my supply .

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DirtySexyMummy · 10/06/2008 19:14

Nor his chatting to people on myspace.

I chat to lots of friends on facebook, its there for all to see, so nothing to hide. Means nothing. FFS people are allowed friends of the opposite sex.

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kimi · 10/06/2008 19:15

4 bottles when pregnant is far too much

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Desiderata · 10/06/2008 19:17

Yes it is, kimi, but we're/I'm assuming she didn't know that at the time.

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expatinscotland · 10/06/2008 19:17

But if she drank all that at 8 weeks along she may not have known she was pregnant.

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Desiderata · 10/06/2008 19:18

Why so chippy, dsm? In case you hadn't noticed, we're not talking about you ..

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