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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't trust my sil with my kid

49 replies

FTBM · 17/04/2024 20:12

I could be being overprotective (didn't think it was possible for a 2yro). But my partner trusts his family with no questions about anything however I'm quite the watcher and like to scope people out before trusting or distrusting and this woman (personally) should not be trusted.

So we go for dinner every Sunday at her house. Her kids are predominately upstairs left to do whatever they like (they range from 11-5). I've caught them hanging out of opened windows jumping off bunk beds and window sills and all she says is well they will learn when they hurt themselves. So when I panicked after seeing my 2yro on the window sill grabbed him and questioned everything all I got back was well he will learn when he hurts himself...
I was told I'm being over protective and that my child won't learn anything because I don't allow anything...
now my partner wants me to allow my 2yro to be looked after or even stay the night there. AIBU for saying no on repeat?
sorry for how long this is just needed to get full story here.

OP posts:
BebyDuc · 17/04/2024 20:13

YANBU

She sounds like an absolute moron.

Sirzy · 17/04/2024 20:15

I only had to read as far as “hanging out of open windows” to decide your not being unreasonable

Shetlands · 17/04/2024 20:15

I'd keep saying no! You have proof she's sloppy about safety so why on earth would you risk your child's well-being? Stick to your guns and don't let them persuade you that you're being over-protective.

Motnight · 17/04/2024 20:17

Who was watching your 2 year old when he got onto the window sill?

Squish12 · 17/04/2024 20:18

2 year olds don't get anything out of sleepovers, they're too young.

If it was for childcare then I'd get it, but not a chance with sil's 'they'll learn when they hurt themselves' attitude.

101Nutella · 17/04/2024 20:19

YANBU

an individual cannot possibly learn any lesson if they fall to their death out of a window. She is negligent tbh. Why risk it ? Plus older ones can influence younger ones who haven’t learned risk assessment skills yet.

terrible . You are right. They are strange.

Wayk · 17/04/2024 20:20

There has been children killed from falling out of windows. Please do not allow your child be minded by such careless people. Also children have choked on cords of blinds.

Cherrysoup · 17/04/2024 20:22

Why would you let your 2 year old stay overnight there? Has your sil asked? Or is your dp offering?

Dareisayiseethesunshine · 17/04/2024 20:23

My ils never forgave me for not allowing their sn dd to take ds round the streets in his buggy.. She was 8..
She was playing him in the hallway and slyly closed the door. Ds fell down a few stairs entangled in some skipping ropes.. I got a mouthful off fil for telling her off..
Ds ws 9 months... Our relationship never progressed at all after that and dc all paid the price... They never bothered with any of them.

BMW6 · 17/04/2024 20:25

Not a chance in hell would I allow any child of mine to be at her house without being there myself.

She's totally negligent and your dh is a fool.

cheddercherry · 17/04/2024 20:26

Well your partner and his sister will learn a hard and fast lesson about gravity and child neglect/ manslaughter won’t they!

Never leave your child unattended with these people, I’d include your partner in that to be honest if he can’t see the blatant danger (and sheer lazy parenting tbh).

BaconCozzers · 17/04/2024 20:30

No I absolutely wouldn't let him sleep over there. So you were there when your 2 yr old was climbing on the window sill? Your sil does sound irresponsible, but if you were there then it's you who is responsible for your dcs safety, especially as you already have your concerns. I feel for sil's children though and hope that no serious harm ever comes to them

Also, I know it's not my business or what you asked but doing anything or going anywhere every Sunday is a bit much, it would drive me mad as it sounds like it does you, so I'd start to scale that back....

Pallisers · 17/04/2024 20:35

Of course you don't let him over there on his own.

Watch him when he is there - don't leave him upstairs alone or be minded by an 11 year old. If SIL objects say "yeah, we'll have to agree to disagree on children hurting themselves as a learning experience"

what a fool she is. Do you really have to go to dinner every sunday to her? That alone would kind of drive me crazy - every single sunday?

PrincessHoneysuckle · 17/04/2024 20:35

She's a neglective dickhead yanbu

Original poster
FTBM · 17/04/2024 20:37

My partner as my child was downstairs when I went outside for a couple of minutes to smoke and I don't like smoking out of windows and I'm trying to quit. When I went back in asked where my child was they said upstairs and that's where I found him when I got up there

OP posts:
Motnight · 17/04/2024 20:42

FTBM · 17/04/2024 20:37

My partner as my child was downstairs when I went outside for a couple of minutes to smoke and I don't like smoking out of windows and I'm trying to quit. When I went back in asked where my child was they said upstairs and that's where I found him when I got up there

That's awful.

RampantIvy · 17/04/2024 20:42
  1. Don't go every Sunday
  2. Don't smoke while you are there
2chocolateoranges · 17/04/2024 20:45

Not a chance would I leave my child in her care. There is laid back and then there is dangerously laid back.

we never left our children with any of our siblings as all uncles were very rough and tumble and my ds hated that behaviour of throwing about , play fighting etc. ds always asked for us not to leave him alone in their company, we didn’t.

Original poster
FTBM · 17/04/2024 20:49

@BaconCozzers I try to go there once a month now as being there every week was driving me insane but since I've cut back on how often we go sil keeps asking to see my child and if she can have him over night. I can feel myself getting more and more wound up every time I'm asked because I'm sounding like a broken record and can honestly see a massive argument coming out of it all. I've tried to get on with my partners family because they're all very close but I can't deal with the dangers and being told I'm being over protective all the time slightly made me question if I'm being over the top since all these comments I'm a million percent certain that I'm not being over protective and am being reasonable with why I'm so annoyed 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
Yoe · 17/04/2024 21:14

No you certainly aren’t … don’t let this fool ever look after your child and tell you partner to zip it totally and never mention your child staying with or be minded by his sister again .

RampantIvy · 18/04/2024 15:46

"Please don't keep asking. The answer is no"

Duckingella · 18/04/2024 15:50

I'll probably be unpopular for saying this but a phone call to social services could prevent any of your niece or nephews getting hurt.

A social worker will give them a good stern talking to and keep tabs on them for abit.

onwardsup4 · 18/04/2024 16:16

Upstairs windows ? She has upstairs windows that just open without a catch? My two year old wouldn't be within a mile of it gives me nightmares

Olika · 18/04/2024 16:31

I would not leave my kid there and would visit as little as I can get away with. And if she says anything about my parenting I would tell her she can parents her kids the way she has chosen but you won't do that. And if she pushes me more I would tell her that she is neglectful.

KeyboardWhinger · 18/04/2024 16:34

Why on earth are children that age hanging out of windows? I wouldn’t leave my child there either.