I left the family home at the end of October last year due to realisation husband had been emotional abusive for a long time. It has been so difficult since I left and his mind games on me and the children are still ongoing.
He is currently still living there and we are doing shared care of the children. I am at my parents.
Since I left I have been paying my half of the mortgage. Husband earns over 25k a year more than me.
I have made a few financial offers which have gone to him from my solicitor. The last one I sent was me just accepting my half of the home and didn't include his pension, savings, shares. I did this as I wanted a quick resolution in order to get a home for me and the kids. This was my priority.
He is delaying and hasn't responded to my solicitor.
I now want to stop paying my half of the mortgage as I am basically paying for him to be more comfortable.
I am waiting for a call back from solicitor to check on legalities of this.
Am I being petty in stopping the payments? I am sure it will just cause more trouble but not really sure what else to do at this point.
AIBU?
To stop paying the mortgage
Timeforme009009 · 28/03/2024 09:51
Am I being unreasonable?
191 votes. Final results.
POLLNameChangeHereandThere · 28/03/2024 10:25
My ex husband stopped paying the mortgage on our shared house when he moved out and still walked away with half of it when we divorced. If he can afford it, I would stop paying!
Kbroughton · 28/03/2024 12:44
Stop paying and don't listen to anyone who says you shouldn't. Yes you are liable for the debt, but he can afford it. i had this exact same thing and it wasn't until I stopped paying for the mortgage that things started happening. At the moment you need him to respond, but he is sitting pretty with very little change for him so there is no motivation. In fact, there is even a legal mechanism you can use for him to start paying you 'rent' when you are no longer in the property. Its called occupation rent. Get your solicitor to draft a letter saying you are stopping paying as you have your own rent, you are in serious difficulty with children ect etc to paint a picture. Don't worry about him threatening for the house to go solvent - it will effect his credit too so as long as you are happy he can afford it, then do it. Its all about who blinks first. He is being a Twot and you have to be brave. Its highly unlikely the house will go into arrears and even if it does, there are massive steps before that happens. And if it is going to happen, then you can pay! If you haven't already contact the bank and put a dispute on the file. Ensure that no decisions can be made without your express approval as I had my ex husbands girlfriend ring up pretending to be me!! I went through all this and so happy if you want to PM me.
JustMarriedBecca · 28/03/2024 13:19
Speak to your solicitor about forcing a sale of the home. Basically say, WP, the offer is available for X days failing which you will be taking steps to force a sale of the home in order to fund a separate property for the children.
But for God's sake, seek legal advice and not a bunch of untrained Google lawyers on Mumsnet.
You remain liable for the debt. You could speak to the mortgage company and see if you can suspend payments. If you fail to pay and the mortgage company seek possession then you will lose value as compared to a sale on the open market (usually).
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