To stop opening door for sister

[thegroundskeeper]

My younger sister (22) and I live with my mum.

Sister can be unbelievably rude, unreasonable and aggressive so we don't have much to do with each right now to keep the peace. However, she keeps misplacing her front door keys!

I always let her in, but she is so rude I don't feel inclined to keep doing it. This is what happened last night:

Bell rings, I open door
Sister stomps past me and slams her bedroom door
Me, quietly: Are you going to say thank you?
Sister, screaming: OMG I just got home. FUCK OFF!!!

AIBU to go on strike and stop letting her in? That will just get me in massive trouble though. Putting a key under a plant pot or welcome mat doesn't work as that goes missing in a day or so as well. Mum won't do anything. FWIW yes I suspect she's neurodiverse but that's no excuse for the really personal insults and aggression. She doesn't reflect/apologise later.

YANBU. She won’t learn if she doesn’t feel the consequences. Don’t let the twat in.

If your mum says anything just say you were listening to music on your headphones and didn’t hear the twat.

Honestly I'd work on moving out to be honest. I'm sure this is just the tip of the ice burg in her behavior and removing yourself from the situation is the best strategy to apply here. Until then yes if you're home let her in but I'd be moving out asap.

Can you just be out at the time she usually comes home? Can your mum open the door?
Also, instead of being all quiet and muttering just open the door and say hello, either make a point of challenging her rudeness or kill her with kindness, being meek will get you nowhere.

I kind of think YANBU but that level of unprovoked rudeness is off the scale for someone that age, so I doubt it would even change her behaviour as it must be some form of mental health issue. Stop doing it if you want to avoid being shouted at, but don’t think of it as a way to change things.

Have you and your Mum talked to her or each other about getting her help?

Is she similarly rude to your Mum?

mum won't do anything

Well, she can open the front door for a start.
And make your sister pay for keys to be replaced when she keeps losing them.
It's your mums house, she needs to lay down the rules. Keep out of it and live your own life.

Yes extremely rude to my mum as well, but mum avoids conflict

And yes have sought help for her

I wouldn't continue to let her in, no. An accidental forgotten key once in a blue moon is one thing but not continually. That is taking the piss.

I remember once I was in the middle of Tesco and got a call from my then teenage DD3, who also had form for this sort of thing. Where was I and why wasn't I at home to let her in as she got home from school?? "What's wrong with your door key?" I asked her? She replied in all seriousness that she had dropped it on her bedroom floor that morning and couldn't be arsed to pick it up before leaving for the school bus. I told her firmly that she would have to wait outside until I had finished the shopping and driven home, and I stuck to that.

She had to wait nearly an hour. I had no intention of hurrying. She certainly sulked at me all evening as only a teenager can but she never did it again.

Why should OP move out?

If anyone should move out it’s the twat sister.

And no, OP doesn’t need to keep letting her in.

There is no way I would be opening the door for her.

What if she lives alone later in life, who is going to let her in then?

Feel free to ignore her and give her the incentive she needs to learn to remember her own door key and let herself in to the house. You will be doing her a favour in helping her learn how to be a functioning adult.

Headphones? 'Didn't hear you, had my headphones on'. Give it at least an hour (if you can).
Dangerous if someone keeps losing their keys to the house, though.

I really couldn’t leave my 22 year old sister standing outside, what if she wanders off and something happens. But I suspect she has her key and is just too lazy to get it out of her bag. I would maybe take my time getting to the door.

It’s not OP’s 22yo. And she’s 22 not 2!

She doesn't have to move out but it sounds like the most logical way to resolve the issue, especially if her mum refuses to acknowledge that the sister is doing anything wrong.

Equally the OP doesn't have to continue to let her in but the alternative would probably lead to her sister reacting in an even more volatile manner.

Let's be honest the sister is never likely to move out she's got it made and there's no incentive to move hence why I suggested the OP moving to remove herself from this shit show of a situation.

I’d just start wearing ear phones or at least have them continently close by so you didn’t hear her knocking did you???

The most logical thing would be for Op to ignore the twat.

You can't just leave her outside! If you think she has her keys with her and can't be bothered getting them out then I would just leave the door. If I thought she'd left the keys at home then I'd have to let her in.

Of course she can leave her outside. She’s 22, not a child.

Or you could suggest to sister - you could pay to get key pad/key safe to be installed if you keep loosing your keys.

I'd be making it clear to her that if she is continually rude to you and your mum then you won't make any effort to open the door. Then if she complains, tell her to buy herself a key lock.

It's easy for us to say ignore her but unfortunately if they are living in the same house it's going to be practically impossible for the OP to ignore her and her inevitable ranting outbursts.

OP quite clearly says it is her 22 year old sister, as have I.

Nothing happens to 22 year olds on your planet then? How long would you leave her outside? All night? In winter? And you think it doesn’t matter because she is not 2. Ok.

Yes, adults need to be responsible for their own safety.

She can stay outside for a few hours until her mum lets her in. Those hours spent outside will learn her.

She needs to be inconvenienced before she learns.

Stop encouraging OP to enable her.

Of course OP can ignore her. Once the twat gets no response she will soon get bored.

If her sister is ND, then it's unlikely that she will just get bored and stop reacting. If anything ignoring her could result in an even bigger reaction.