To become little miss judgeyknickers about a CM i encountered today

[lucyellensmum]

I'm sorry, i just can't help myself, ive tried to resist posting (for about five minutes i have you know!!) about a CM DP and i encountered today. Totally none of our business, its hardly child abuse but.....I don't know who to judge more, the parents for leaving thier children with this woman or her.

I have seen this woman on more than one occasion with children in cafe, often thought, oh, she looks about as lonely as i am. Often there with two children in buggy, never get out of buggy etc, while she drinks coffee - ok, i do this with DD, although she gets a babychino and gets to run around and be a pain. Bit off i thought, considering you are being paid to look after these children. But today took the biscuit, She struggles into cafe behind DP and myself today (i'll die if she mns it will be so obvious, but im suitably disgusted so...) with a phil and teds with toddler in front seat, shopping in baby carrier and baby in her arms, how she didnt drop the poor wee mite i'll never know.

She sits down and generally starts moaning about the baby, how she has been screaming, how she just has to have a coffee and organise a bottle, spends 10 minutes talking to the guy in the deli before getting baby a bottle. Just seems to have no affection for the baby whatsoever, just pokes bottle in her mouth and says things like, come on, youve got your bottle now, the woman looks stressed to the hilt (i know that feeling so well) and sits and whinges to DP about the baby, tells him, oh shes not mine i child mind, then goes on to inform us that she is really poorly, after she had vomitted up her bottle and cough cough coughed everywhere. Then moans to a passing friend about how hard her day is and generally whinges about how hard her job is.

You know what, it is a hard job, and if i thought this woman a harrased mother i would be, fuck, you poor cow, i know just how you feel. But you would think wouldnt you that as a CM, you might actually like what you do, AND do something a little bit more constructive with your mindees time. Yes visit the cafe, as a treat for them, but do bear in mind you are being paid to look after these children and to me, that means, a little more than just make sure they don't keel over or walk in front of a bus.

So yes, i am being judgey judgey judgey, but shit, there is no way that i would leave my children with this woman and i just can't help but wonder if she puts on a very different front to the parents.

[nametaken]

She just sounds like she was having a shite day today and had to have a big moan to get it off her chest.

[chrissnow]

. You know what I was thinking today how ace CMs must be to do what I/we mums do all day, but with more kids and probably better than I do it!! Clearly not this one though!!
I would have said maybe its a bad day, which we're all entitled too, but you've seen her a lot and always the same so . . . I think she needs a new career.

[chrissnow]

That was the worst constructed post I have ever done!! .
sorry - point was made though I think.

[tinylady]

It must be hard looking after other peoples children all day.

[GrapefruitMoon]

You can be judgy if I can too - about the CM who pulls up to school gate on the zigzags and lets the mindee get out. I have a feeling the parents are probably thinking they are paying her to park the car somewhere safe and walk the child up the road to the school (and possible even make sure she actually goes in the door, if that's not asking too much ). Same woman always has a face on her like she is in a terrible hurry and the whole CM thing is an awful inconvenience to her. Have seen her let small children cross the road on their own also and a whole lot of other things besides...

[emmy1979]

I've used CM's before for ds1, my mum was one and I have acquaintances who are and I have NEVER seen one of them doing their job and thought 'there is no way that I would leave my children with this woman'. If your reaction was this strong she must be in the wrong career. We all have bad days, we all moan about our jobs and we all get stressed but if we weren't doing the fundamental bits we'd get sacked. How could anyone in a 'caring' position come across as so uncaring?

[Janni]

I was prepared to be very judgy about the workers at the day nursery I am settling my daughter into, given all the horror stories on MN and I have been proved utterly wrong. They are truly lovely.

HOWEVER, the three local child minders I see around I would not touch with a bargepole and I'm sure it's ony lack of choice and a certain desperation that forces parents to hand over their children to them. They're just miserable , moany women who are obviously doiing the job because it fits into their life, rather than because they love it. I do imagine it's a job that takes its toll pretty quickly.

[BoysAreLikeBunnies]

There are bad CMs as well as good I am afraid

Makes me cross, when I and so many other CMs do so much to prove that we are professional people doing a 'proper' job (it's not just baby sitting), encouraging the children we care for to learn and grow in a safe and stimulating environment.

Sigh

[lucyellensmum]

Thats the thing really, i know we all have bad days in any job and lets face it, looking after children is bloody hard work and can be a bit dull sometimes. But it is just her attitude. She took an interest in DD (when she was talking to dp ) but blatantly ignored her mindee, one of them just sat in the buggy silently, must have been about two, i felt very sorry for her. Maybe it is time she chose a different career as this one clearly doesnt suit.

I know a few CM and would happily leave my DD with all of them, they seem to love children and really enjoy their job. Im not qutie sure why this woman does this, she doesnt seem to have chidren of her own, perhaps she thought it was an easy ride

[minouminou]

ooohh...judgeyknickers.....do they come with a crown court-style removable merkin?
agree, though, she needs a new career

[cheesesarnie]

that is sad.i think i would have ask if she enjoys childminding.

i love our cms

[lucyellensmum]

minimou, thanks for that (merkin) i have a very horrid image in my mind now - eeewwwwwwwww

[hifi]

my friend is a cm, she always puts mindee in bottom of phil and teds as she says she doesnt want her ds to be near the car fumes, if mindees mum forgets her blanket she doesnt put one on her. she got really miffed when i said her fingers are cold, she said if bloody mother couldnt be bothered why should she.

[bambam30]

HIFI i know someone like that it made me feel horrid all night and this person has said they would look after my lo if i ever want

[Alderney]

I had a friend who was a childminder and she seemed to spend a lot of time in the cafe too....she also used to phone me almost every day to see if I "wanted to come and play in the park" which to me seemed like an invitation to help her look after her minded children while she was paid and I wasn't. Over time our relationship waned - something to do witht he fact that I didn't want to help her out with 4 children. Fine if she was the mummy and she was getting frazzled looking after them, but she was the professional being paid.

[NoBunny]

Hifi!

There's a CM lives near my mum. My mum tries to avoid her when she has my niece as this CM keeps giving her chocolate. And telling my mum that she wouldn't hurt her (ie that the CM wouldn't hurt my niece). Now the chocolate thing is strange and annoying but the wouldn't hurt her thing is just a bit disturbing.

[wannaBe]

I would never use a childminder. sorry. All the childminders I have ever come across I would never leave my children with.

one left her mindee asleep in her car when she came to visit me and only went to check on her every 15 minutes or so. My lounge faced over the back of the house so there's no way we would have known if car was stolen/baby was removed/baby was crying even .

Another one used to leave her mindees in the car at preschool while she took one of them in, and car was well out of sight. also the same childminder used to regularly ask another mum to collect her mindee from preschool despite the fact the mindee's mum had no knowledge.

And the last one I recently saw heading out of school with 9 children in toe apparently she has a special extention allowing her to have up to 12 children - that just can't be right can it?

[MaureenMLove]

Such a shame, but like every walk of life, there are the good and the bad. So sorry that you've had such a bad experience Wannabe, we're not all like that!

Having read all of the issues/experiences that others have had of cm's, I can, hand on heart, say that I have never done any of them! Never taken mindees to a coffee shop, never left them in cars anywhere, and always have a spare stash of hats, gloves, scarfs and even shoes!

Anyway, enough biggin myself up, what was the question? Oh yes! Judge away Lucy, I would have done too!

[FloweroScotland]

Judge away. I've changed my name for thispost, but I feel very judemental about the tutor I have doing my ICP or DHc or whatever it's called, to set me on my way to being a childminder(like I don't know already).
She stood there last week and said that she feeds the mindees chicken nuggets,curly fries, beans, sausages and chips with every meal "becasue they won't eat fruit or veg", and takes them to Burger King or Mcd's for lunch twice a week. I was shocked that OFSTED apparently accept this as well

[Carmenere]

Well my CM is fab, her house is a bit scruffy and on some days she seems to have one or two kids too many(I suspect, I might be wrong) but she is very experienced, is lovely with the kids, very calm, she accomodates me whenever I want and doesn't charge me retainers or for when dd is sick, she lives about 200yrds from me but all that would be nothing but for the fact that dd loves her. I am a very lucky mummy

[Janni]

Maureen - we love you Where do you live?

[MaureenMLove]

I love you too and all your gorgeous children! However, since Ofsted have started insisting on more and more paperwork that I have to fill in, at the expense of being on my hands and knees playing with children, I'm giving up! I am really, really sad to be doing so, but I will not work for Ofsted anymore. I will not fill in a diary everyday and I refuse to write a report on how each child is doing educationally. Call me old fashioned, but I like to talk to my parents!

[DeeRiguer]

maureen that's mad
for you

[cheesesarnie]

MaureenMLove i think quite a few cms are doing same,very sad.

[2GIRLS]

I'm sure there are CM's that go into it because of a love of the children, but most that I know go into it because it's something they can do to earn money and be with their own children too.

I've lost count of the number of times someone has said to me 'You've got 3 kids and can't feasibly go out to work, why don't you become a childminder?' I wouldn't do it because I know how bloody hard it is and what you would have to give that child and how awful for the child if your heart's not in it.