I got engaged to my partner in 2020, all was great. We decided there was no point trying to get married in 21 because of pandemic problems, so we announced, mid 2021, to our families that we'd get married in [month- sorry I'm being vague, I'm scared she'll find this)] of 2022.
Everyone seemed fine with this, so we went ahead and started making arrangements for our chosen date.
Our date is ideal because it's a week before school holidays, so we can take our honeymoon during the school holiday week, and we have two young kids who would otherwise need to be at school during this time, so it all works in perfectly.
Partner and I made it clear to both families that our chosen date was going ahead- this was back in November of 2021.
Again, nobody objected.
I have two future SILs.
SIL 1 lives in the UK, runs her own business, and although she's there pretty much 24/7, she's fine to close for the wedding day.
SIL 2 lives abroad. She has two older teenage children and a husband. Both adults work regularly, both kids are at school.
A few days back, I messaged the family group chat to excitedly talk about how much progress has been made for our chosen date.
SIL 2 then writes and deletes a message, then writes another very passive aggressive one.
Basically, the school holidays for them have now changed, so our date is no longer convenient.
Her attitude was that we should change it.
She made a big thing of how they'd probably not manage to get over for that weekend because they'd have to ask for a day off school.
I'd like to say that these kids are really smart. One day missed would not damage their education. She's told us all about their glowing reports, and all the extracurricular activities they exceed at.
My fiancé was really upset by her message. He hasn't messaged her at all, since.
After a night of processing what she'd said, I found a polite way of saying that it'd be nice if their family could make it over, but we understood if they couldn't, and we could always Zoom video call the wedding.
I've tried to keep things civil and open as possible, I always try to look for diplomatic solutions, but now SIL 2 is ignoring my messages, and just responding to other family members in the group.
My fiancé doesn't want to change the date, and neither do I.
I'm not sure how to fix the rift that it feels like is forming.
Worse still, SIL 2 and family are visiting the UK this week, and we're supposed to be meeting up tomorrow for a bit. And then my fiancé, alone, is due to attend a dinner with them. (I'd suggested this quite some time before the rift, as I felt it would be nice for him to have some alone time with his relatives, and I'd stay home with the kids.)
I'm really worried SIL 2 is going to try coercing him into changing the wedding date when they're alone, and while I know he feels strongly about not changing it, I worry how this will effect his mental health.
What can I do? What should I do? AIBU not to change my wedding date?
AIBU?
Told future SIL our wedding date, she wants it moved.
GammaLupin · 28/04/2022 11:36
Am I being unreasonable?
1449 votes. Final results.
POLLBramshott · 28/04/2022 11:47
It's your wedding, and of course you shouldn't change the date just on the say so of one family member.
But if you don't have kids in school, you may not realise that taking them out of school is a big deal - it's not often authorised by the school, and may well lead to the parents being fined. It could also be hard for your BIL and SIL to attend even without their kids during term-time if they don't have anyone to do school pick-up and evening babysitting in their absence.
So by sticking with the date, you may have to accept that BIL, SIL and their kids may not be able to attend.
worraliberty · 28/04/2022 11:50
The OP has 2 kids at school.
Bramshott · 28/04/2022 11:47
It's your wedding, and of course you shouldn't change the date just on the say so of one family member.
But if you don't have kids in school, you may not realise that taking them out of school is a big deal - it's not often authorised by the school, and may well lead to the parents being fined. It could also be hard for your BIL and SIL to attend even without their kids during term-time if they don't have anyone to do school pick-up and evening babysitting in their absence.
So by sticking with the date, you may have to accept that BIL, SIL and their kids may not be able to attend.
Bramshott · 28/04/2022 11:47
It's your wedding, and of course you shouldn't change the date just on the say so of one family member.
But if you don't have kids in school, you may not realise that taking them out of school is a big deal - it's not often authorised by the school, and may well lead to the parents being fined. It could also be hard for your BIL and SIL to attend even without their kids during term-time if they don't have anyone to do school pick-up and evening babysitting in their absence.
So by sticking with the date, you may have to accept that BIL, SIL and their kids may not be able to attend.
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.