I devastated by my 26 yr old daughters tattoos

[Choclover27]

Yup. I hate them. Today she showed me her new ‘sleeve’. It’s big black bold and bloody awful. She already has numerous tattoos and they’re getting bigger each time. She seems addicted. I don’t like tattoos. I don’t have to like them. That’s my choice. I’ve cried over it/her in private ! I’ve read up about parents reactions to our kids tattoos. And we are supposed to be happy that they are expressing themselves. But I’m struggling with that. I was ok with a few, ok with all the piercings… but the sleeve is too far. In my opinion. Does anyone else feel like me or am I the bitch mother from hell?

[WindyState]

@samsmum2

OP MN loves to tell people that what their adult children do is 'none of your business.' (Even when they've only just turned 18 and are still living at home) Totally ridiculous, of course it's your business - she's your daughter and you would be weird not to have an opinion. Unfortunately, she has the right to do what she chooses with her body but YANBU for feeling upset and sad about it. I absolutely get it.

But it's not your business, really, once they are out of your care.

You have no automatic right to know anything about your children once they are adults and disapproving of decisions like tattoos that really have no bearing on anything just risks damaging your relationship with them.

[BellatrixOnABadDay]

@incognitoforthisone excellent post, I agree with you 100% and you've summed it up perfectly.

[samsmum2]

OP MN loves to tell people that what their adult children do is 'none of your business.' (Even when they've only just turned 18 and are still living at home) Totally ridiculous, of course it's your business - she's your daughter and you would be weird not to have an opinion. Unfortunately, she has the right to do what she chooses with her body but YANBU for feeling upset and sad about it. I absolutely get it.

[incognitoforthisone]

@Tippexy

What has she gone through in her life, when she was younger? The tattoos and piercings are a way of expressing/rejecting/coming to terms with her feelings about whatever it was. Support her to talk about it?

This is absolute bollocks. Tattoos and piercings aren't a sign of repressed trauma, ffs. People have tattoos because they like them, that's all.

OP - it's perfectly OK for you not to like your daughter's tattoos, just like it's perfectly OK for her not to like your style either. But your daughter is not your property and is entitled to do what she wants with her own body and her own appearance. She's TWENTY-SIX! You really don't get to decide what is 'too far' for her any more and your opinion on her aesthetic choices are neither here nor there. When you say 'we're supposed to be happy that they're expressing themselves' that would be a reasonable thing to say about a 13-year-old experimenting with blue hair or a toddler making a terrible noise banging saucepans. But is sounds absolutely bonkers in the context of adults in their mid to late 20s. So while you don't sound like 'the bitch mother from hell' by any stretch, you do seem to be infantilising your daughter a bit in a way that suggests you still think of her as a wayward little girl rather than a grown woman. I know most mums still feel maternal and protective over their kids when they're adults, but when you're saying what is/isn't 'too far' for a 26-year-old woman, as if she's not capable of bodily autonomy, and rolling your eyes about 'expressing themselves' as if she's a child, I think you really, really need to stop seeing your daughter as an independent adult.

I'm 45 and I've got several tattoos, so I will be brutally honest: if my mum was crying and devastated over them, I would be pretty hurt that something as trivial as my appearance was the thing that mattered most to her. What she looks like should honestly be the least important thing to you about your daughter. If you love her, you love for who she is, and a few tattoos don't change that. My mum doesn't really like tattoos, but she isn't upset by mine because regardless of what I look like, I'm still the same person.

[BuickMcKane]

@DillonPanthersTexas good for you. My company is nothing like yours though, thankfully.

Given that most are intended for display and presumably to signal something? Aren't you interested in what they signal, and whether it's what you intended?

You're reading far too much into it. The majority of people who have tattoos get them for themselves, because they appeal to them. I chose mine because I liked them. That's as deep as my goes. And I don't think twice about what 'signal' they might give off

[MrFsAunt]

David *Dimbleby, Fern Britton and Zoe Ball have tattoos
*
If I ever did give a shit about copying people, sheeplike, for their choices, that would be enough to put me off .

[Maireas]

Tattoos are so mainstream now, they really are not a sign of anything other than fashion. It doesn't mean you're about to live in a crack den. David Dimbleby, Fern Britton and Zoe Ball have tattoos! Many of my secondary school colleagues have full sleeves, as did the person dealing with me at HSBC. It's really just a step further than those acrylic nails and those long lashes. Not to my taste, and permanent, but very average nowadays.
Don't fret, OP.

[lightisnotwhite]

@DearlyBeloathed

Oh right so that makes it ok then! Riiight. Same as if the person was in a wheelchair, a man, a different race? As long as the person never knows

So fucked up, isn't it? I truly despair of these answers. Total fossils.

Sex, disability and race are all protected characteristics. Nothing you can do about them.
Choosing to get tattoos isn’t the same.

Why can’t you make assumptions about people based on something like this? If they didn’t want people to notice they wouldn’t have it done where people notice?

[WithANameLikeDaniCalifornia]

You literally cried?

Grow up

[LagunaBubbles]

Many of these people (me) are parents of young children but there's nothing wrong with loving/being proud of your children in their natural state

As a child maybe...as a fully grown adult who has the choice to tatoo or not though it's a bit odd.

[BellatrixOnABadDay]

@daisyjgrey

This is the body of the beloved

Quick, someone get this tattooed on them to piss her off.

@daisyjgrey 😂

[MondayYogurt]

OP, it could be worse.

www.inkedmag.com/.amp/original-news/100-worst-tattoo-fails

[daisyjgrey]

This is the body of the beloved

Quick, someone get this tattooed on them to piss her off.

[DearlyBeloathed]

Parents and particularly mothers often do not love their children just as an abstraction, but also love their physicality. Their actual bodies are an object of love and affection. This is the body of the beloved

That sounds like something from a cult.

[mbosnz]

For something like a tattoo, I guess what matters most to the individual getting a tattoo, is the meaning of the tattoo for them. Not what their mother thinks. I'd be quite worried if my 26 year old daughter was still doing things on the basis of what I thought by the time she was 26!

[Sparklingbrook]

Anyway if the idea of pain is enough to put someone off, then there's a good chance they're not committed enough to get one and should think about it a little longer

Knowing how painful they are would be enough to put people off so that's a good thing if they don't want to go through that.
I did think looking at some of the Covid threads about the jab that half of MN was needle phobic anyway.

[mbosnz]

www.stuff.co.nz/entertainment/tv-radio/117787888/oriini-kaipara-one-of-the-first-with-moko-kauae-to-read-major-news-bulletin

This to me, is a wonderful sign of progress in terms of acceptance of moko kauae as a legitimate form of cultural and self expression in Aotearoa.

I have a good friend who also has moko kauae. Her story about her personal experiences since having acquired her moko kauae, has been fascinating. ngaitahu.iwi.nz/tag/ariana-stevens/

[Adviceneeded1213]

This thread is utterly mind blowing.
Op, you are being massively unreasonable and I feel very sorry for your ADULT daughter.

[firef1y]

@sparklingbrook

I've no intention of selling a tattoo. It's something people going in and having a spur of the moment tatt don't really consider though.
There's no denying tattoos hurt both during and for at least a few days after, plus there's a lifetime of aftercare. As I said I love my tattoos, and I wouldn't get upset if any of my (of age) children have one. But being experienced in having them I'd give them the information they need to get the best ink possible and then maintain it, along with telling them the downsides (and where it hurts most to be inked, heads up folks, back of the knee is excruciating, knee cap feels like someone is going in with a hammer and chisel, groin is eye-watering and if you are an athlete the IT band isn't pleasant either). All worth it though and the boob, well I didn't feel that one at all.

Anyway if the idea of pain is enough to put someone off, then there's a good chance they're not committed enough to get one and should think about it a little longer.

[AllThingsServeTheBeam]

@Babymamma192

I would be upset too. Personally I hate tattoos and like pp said my children have perfect lovely skin and I would hate for them to ruin it with tattoos!

My skin is still perfectly lovely. It's lovely and colourful now too

[Babymamma192]

I would be upset too. Personally I hate tattoos and like pp said my children have perfect lovely skin and I would hate for them to ruin it with tattoos!

[Suzi888]

@RussianSpy101

YANBU. They look awful on both men and women, but even worse on women.

I would be devastated too OP.

^ this
But it’s her life, she is the one will may regret them and have to live with them.

[astrocean]

it wouldn’t have gone on for so long if people were proportionate on their language

TBF that's true of most big threads on mumsnet. People on this forum can turn the most benign topics into 40-page mudslinging fests.

[EeeICouldRipATissue]

Parents and particularly mothers often do not love their children just as an abstraction, but also love their physicality. Their actual bodies are an object of love and affection. This is the body of the beloved.!

Ok, speaking as a mother and as a daughter too, that is some creepy shit and ewwww

[ineedsun]

@DillonPanthersTexas

I don't even have any tattoos but speaking to those who do most do not give a shiny shit about what people think about them.

This thread would not have stumbled past two pages if that were true.

Maybe we need to combine ear piercings for new babies, toliet brush usage, transrights and tattoos into one mega thread that if hooked up to the national grid it could power the UK for decades.

That’s not true, it wouldn’t have gone on for so long if people were proportionate on their language. Don’t like tattoos? Fine, your choice, but don’t start using insulting language, make daft assumptions and talk as if somehow you have a stake in someone else’s body. That’s what people object to and the fact that you’re conflating the two suggests that you don’t actually understand what you’re reading