I devastated by my 26 yr old daughters tattoos

[Choclover27]

Yup. I hate them. Today she showed me her new ‘sleeve’. It’s big black bold and bloody awful. She already has numerous tattoos and they’re getting bigger each time. She seems addicted. I don’t like tattoos. I don’t have to like them. That’s my choice. I’ve cried over it/her in private ! I’ve read up about parents reactions to our kids tattoos. And we are supposed to be happy that they are expressing themselves. But I’m struggling with that. I was ok with a few, ok with all the piercings… but the sleeve is too far. In my opinion. Does anyone else feel like me or am I the bitch mother from hell?

[lightisnotwhite]

Waxonwaxoff0 This won’t be true.
Have you never fancied anyone just from looking at them?

Sure you might change your mind after you know them but certainly appearance attracts or it doesn’t.

[MrsMagenta]

I think done well tattoos can look awesome and it’s an individual choice.

The tattoos you see fresh and vibrant with beautiful colours though mostly fade and the black turns a blue colour, the outline is usually never as sharp as it originally was years later.

As I mentioned in my pp, there is a trend currently for the full neck tattoo and despite not wanting to think negatively towards a woman getting one, the first thing I always think is, I hope you don’t regret that, especially when I see a young woman in her 20’s. Men can easily disguise by growing a beard/stubble, on a woman it’s a much starker contrast.

DH has tattoos so I’m not against them but his are easily hidden and not permanently on show. If DS chose to have a tattoo in the future, I would at least make sure he researched the tattoo artist thoroughly, making sure they were experienced in the type of tattoo he wanted (just as my DN did, she travelled a distance for her tattooist) but ultimately it would be his decision. I would rather be involved in the process with him though than going against it.

Each to their own but I’m still on OPs side here, she has a right to feel the way she does, no one has the right to tell her the way she should feel.

[Waxonwaxoff0]

@Giraffesandbottoms

Judging someone on having something that doesn’t fit your criteria is the problem and is not pleasant

This makes no sense. You just said you find tattoos attractive on men - you have made a judgement on something that fits your criteria, why is the opposite of this not acceptable? Because it’s not what you agree with, because it’s negative? I never understand the batshit mentality of people on these threads who act like judgement is not a thing humans do, and more specifically that they do.

I judge people based on their behaviour and personality. Not their outward appearance.

[NerrSnerr]

Unfortunately, she has the right to do what she chooses with her body

Fucking hell. Unfortunately she has body autonomy. Earlier in the thread someone said that men won't find her attractive.

Sometimes I think we've come a long way in equality but we'll never get it when people still think that other people have the right to decide what grown women do to their own body.

[BuickMcKane]

@samsmum2

OP MN loves to tell people that what their adult children do is 'none of your business.' (Even when they've only just turned 18 and are still living at home) Totally ridiculous, of course it's your business - she's your daughter and you would be weird not to have an opinion. Unfortunately, she has the right to do what she chooses with her body but YANBU for feeling upset and sad about it. I absolutely get it.

There's nothing 'unfortunate' about body autonomy.

As a mother of adult children, their lives ARE their business. I am there to love and support. To give advice or opinion when asked, and I love them just as much now as I did the moment they were born. Perhaps even more fiercely now, because I will
always jump to the defence of their life choices. I celebrate the independent adults I raised instead of mourning the little kids they once were. And they're just as perfect with inked skin as they were without.

My DD is not 'easy' because she has tattoos. And any man who thinks that isn't worthy of her giving him the time of day. My DS isn't 'rough' because he has tattoos. And anyone thinking that would be shocked when they discovered his profession.

The only nasty people on this thread are the ones who can't say 'I don't like tattoos' without clarifying that with some negative, outdated, judgemental opinion.

[CoilWatershed]

@samsmum2

OP MN loves to tell people that what their adult children do is 'none of your business.' (Even when they've only just turned 18 and are still living at home) Totally ridiculous, of course it's your business - she's your daughter and you would be weird not to have an opinion. Unfortunately, she has the right to do what she chooses with her body but YANBU for feeling upset and sad about it. I absolutely get it.

So you'd rather she didn't have a right to do want she wants with her own body.

[ghostmouse]

I have vitiligo and over the course of 20 years or so my whole body is almost white (I was olive skinned)

I’m quite patchy in some places and for years I’d get stares and whispers, abuse thrown at me and I hated my skin.

I’ve loads of tattoos now, they all mean something to me and now finally when I look at my skin i have something to smile about..and it really helped my self confidence too.

Balls to anyone who says I look common, or say I’ll regret them when I’m older. No I won’t, and by the time I’m 80 I won’t bloody care!

[Giraffesandbottoms]

Judging someone on having something that doesn’t fit your criteria is the problem and is not pleasant

This makes no sense. You just said you find tattoos attractive on men - you have made a judgement on something that fits your criteria, why is the opposite of this not acceptable? Because it’s not what you agree with, because it’s negative? I never understand the batshit mentality of people on these threads who act like judgement is not a thing humans do, and more specifically that they do.

[AnnieLobeseder]

I got my first tattoo at 20, I had no idea my mother would react as badly as she did. She cried and screamed and asked how I could do that to her. Nearly 30 years and a few more tattoos later... well, it's been a long road. There's been a couple of occasions she wouldn't be seen in public with me. It's been horrible knowing how she's cringing whenever she looks at me, having to concentrate on constantly adjusting my clothing around her, feeling that the one person who is supposed to love me the most in this world is the one person who can't accept me as I am. Well, we don't have much relationship left and I really don't like being around her.

Think very carefully about where you want your relationship to go from here.

[Shehasadiamondinthesky]

I find it quite sad actually that my mother rejected me because I have tattoos. It made me realise that i don't need her "love" because it isn't love.

[sparklyponies]

My mother doesn't like my tattoos. Or my career choice. Or that I'm divorced. Or my choice of home. Or that I'm a single parent.

She lost me several years ago...

[PinkSyCo]

Parents and particularly mothers often do not love their children just as an abstraction, but also love their physicality. Their actual bodies are an object of love and affection. This is the body of the beloved

Fuck me, I never knew the tattoo haters were such an extreme, dramatic bunch!

[Sparklingbrook]

Exactly. My DC know what I like/don’t like and what I approve and disapprove of before they do it. But it’s up to them if they want to go ahead.
DS2 is currently car shopping and he’s looking at ones I wouldn’t touch and don’t think are suitable but 🤷‍♀️

[ineedsun]

@astrocean

it wouldn’t have gone on for so long if people were proportionate on their language

TBF that's true of most big threads on mumsnet. People on this forum can turn the most benign topics into 40-page mudslinging fests.

You’re so right!

[BellatrixOnABadDay]

Thing is, just turned 18, I can maybe understand a bit of the 'angst' displayed by some posters on here. Still adjusting to the fact that their child is now an adult, also worrying that 18 is still really young and hoping they don't regret their decision.

26 though... is it not a bit different? She's closer to 30 than 18. More likely to make the decision rationally/know for certain that they want the tattoo? Surely the apron strings should have been cut by now

[AllThingsServeTheBeam]

@Sparklingbrook

It is nothing at all to do with you as a parent if your adult child, living with you or not, gets a tattoo. Nothing, nada, zilch

But you can still feel the way you feel you just don't have to say anything.

Course you can. My dad has always told me he hated tattoos. He never said I couldn't get one.

[Sparklingbrook]

It is nothing at all to do with you as a parent if your adult child, living with you or not, gets a tattoo. Nothing, nada, zilch

But you can still feel the way you feel you just don't have to say anything.

[AllThingsServeTheBeam]

@samsmum2

OP MN loves to tell people that what their adult children do is 'none of your business.' (Even when they've only just turned 18 and are still living at home) Totally ridiculous, of course it's your business - she's your daughter and you would be weird not to have an opinion. Unfortunately, she has the right to do what she chooses with her body but YANBU for feeling upset and sad about it. I absolutely get it.

It is nothing at all to do with you as a parent if your adult child, living with you or not, gets a tattoo. Nothing, nada, zilch.

[blacknotblue]

I totally empathise- I would be sad as well

[Runnerduck34]

Totally get it OP.
Of course she's an adult and it's her decision but you don't need to like it.
DD had several homemade tattoos and as soon as she turned 18 had a professional one done which I'm not keen on.
I think her skin is perfectly beautiful as it is and I know many people regret tattoos or get them done without a lot of thought.
I think they can be addictive and sometimes are a result of underlying MH issues.
So I get it and yanbu to have a little cry.

[Rightyouarelove]

Perfectly ok to feel as you do. It’s when you act on your feelings it becomes a problem. Every parent feels something when their children make life choices that aren’t aligned with parental values. It’s natural and normal. The mistake is to project your values as ‘right’ - because they’re not. Please support your daughter and keep your misgivings to yourself.

[Sparklingbrook]

But it's not your business, really, once they are out of your care

That's not been true for me (not for everything anyway) but even it was I could still have an opinion which I can keep to myself, and that's ok. My two DSs have done things which I really didn't want them to but all I can do is sit by and watch.

[StyxBankDweller]

@TrickyD

I am waiting for the MN bingo to come up with "plenty of doctors, lawyers, judges have them'" and " would you turn away a tattooed medic who was saving your life?"

I have never come across a tattooed professional, whereas I worked in a prison for six years and rarely saw an inmate without tattoos. It put me off tattoos for life.

Never seen a tattooed professional? Believe me they exist. My daughter is one. Many are, although maybe many have them in places that can be covered with clothing.

I've certainly seen many HCPs in many disciplines with ink.

OP your feelings are your own. If you don't like tats you don't like them and can grieve that your daughter has not shared your views. Same as if our children follow an entirely different path to which we had envisioned for them. As so many PPs have said though, it's her life and her body. Not your place to judge.

Humans have been indulging in all sorts of body modification for millenia. It is no new fad. The oldest discovery of tattooed human skin to date is found on the body of Ötzi the Iceman, dating to between 3370 and 3100 BC.

[mbosnz]

Why is it 'unfortunate' that she has the right to do what she wants with her body?! Whose right to decide what she does with her body do you think it should be?!

[BellatrixOnABadDay]

@samsmum2

OP MN loves to tell people that what their adult children do is 'none of your business.' (Even when they've only just turned 18 and are still living at home) Totally ridiculous, of course it's your business - she's your daughter and you would be weird not to have an opinion. Unfortunately, she has the right to do what she chooses with her body but YANBU for feeling upset and sad about it. I absolutely get it.

When it's something as mundane as a tattoo, why on earth is it the business of a full grown adult's parents?

Of course parents love and care for there adult children and most would do anything to help their adult children if they were struggling for any reason. They'd want to know if something serious were going on- as anyone would with someone they love and care about.

But a 26 year getting a tattoo? Nah. That's really not their business.