Part of me is glad dd has gone away to uni?

[Notonmywitch]

I’ll probably get flamed for this. My dd is one of the eldest in her year, has done a gap year at home and add lockdowns into the mix.

Yes, I’ll probably miss her but I feel its time for her to go.

Just to add shes been quite hard work the last year or so!

[Wingedharpy]

@honeylulu : That's a bit cruel of her!
She can think it but she didn't need to tell you

[lljkk]

I feel rejected a lot by my 2 eldest DC. Best experienced in small doses!

[choirmumoftwo]

DD went back yesterday for 2nd year. She was glad to go and is hoping for a more 'normal' experience this year, but I will miss her. She's great company but lives in a state of chaos which is the complete opposite to me! I try to leave her to it and respect her private space of course.
Her bedroom is now immaculate again which makes me happy, and she's in a lovely house with her best friend. Win win - we all need our own space.

[comeasyouare1]

It's a real relief to read this and all the comments, I'm feeling the same too. Time to go, I'll miss her but like you the last year has been tough but particularly the finishing A levels until now. I was initially dreading her going but now I feel ok about it!

[speakout]

You are allowed to have mixed feelings.

When my DD went to University part of me was distraught, very sad and uspet, knowing that her childhood was over, knowing that the house would feel empty and quiet without her sparking sunny energy.
But part of me was kicking up my heels, knowing I was going to have so much more freedom, time to myself, less laundry and housework, more time and energy to put into exercise, running my business..

Life events are rarely simple, and feelings are often mixed- don;t bring guilt into it too!!

[LightandAiry]

LIndaEllen I feel your pain!

Sadly my ds's first year at uni has been a massive disappointment and he felt very low, and has been home for 6 months. He is driving me nuts staying in his room a lot and gaming. Thankfully he has been out with the gaming mates a few times and is more social at age 19, and feeling better.

Taking him back to uni today, and as much as I love him dearly, I hope not to have him back again until reading week at the end of October! He's just complained there is no food in the house....err....because you eat it all, and I didn't have time to go shopping due to your farewell tea yesterday with family?! His room is a pit too. he's better off at uni getting his life started.

[Notonmywitch]

@DressBitch

Mines 5 and I'm ready for him to go now... 🤣

[Notonmywitch]

@Snooper22

My DD is 22 and although she's not gone to uni I've helped her move into a shared house, shes busy 3 days a week at an internship and 2 days a week volunteering. Im soo relieved shes settled somewhere else as we just clash constantly! But now we get on so much better and I actually like her company now, its amazing.

This is what I hope for too, we clash as well!

[DressBitch]

Mines 5 and I'm ready for him to go now... 🤣

[HazelBite]

I would love to suffer from empty nest syndrome.
I live in the SE and they all have drifted back due to high rents etc.
Forty years my DC's have been around coming and going, I long for peace and quiet!

[Kanaloa]

It’s totally normal! Every September on the first day of school I basically disco dance my kids in the school gates ecstatic to get a few hours break.

It’s natural at a certain age to want them to spread their wings, and for them to want to as well.

[LindaEllen]

I feel you. My 18yo stepson has just left for uni this morning, and me and DP were both ready for it.

I've lived with them for 4 years, and have done everything possible to help DP with him over that time (I WFH and he works full time so a lot of the household chores including looking after/doing things for DSS fell to me, I was happy to do it).

But. Since he was about 16, he changed completely. I think it was when he started sixth form and was given more freedom there. He would refuse to do anything round the house, wouldn't come out of his room apart from for meals, and just gamed all day into the early hours, until DP turned the internet off. He had to change the wifi password every time as he would just go and turn it on again after we were asleep (and then wake us up screaming at his game). He'd leave the kitchen in a mess if he made snacks, leave things all over the bathroom, his room was a disgrace..

It's been utterly exhausting.

It all came to a head when he turned 18, and he said he was an adult now and expected to be treated like one and make his own decisions.

Those decisions included not doing any housework or paying anything towards the house (like, he would expect to be reimbursed if he picked up a loaf of bread - because he'd eaten the last loaf), and instead festering in his room gaming all day and night while drinking on his own.

He was very VERY much ready for the student lifestyle, and I think that our relationship with him will be 100000000 x better when he's not living here - and fingers crossed living on his own will wake him up a bit before he comes back. I also hope he meets some new friends who aren't gamers, because he really really needs to find something else to do.

[Snooper22]

My DD is 22 and although she's not gone to uni I've helped her move into a shared house, shes busy 3 days a week at an internship and 2 days a week volunteering. Im soo relieved shes settled somewhere else as we just clash constantly! But now we get on so much better and I actually like her company now, its amazing.

[TempleofZoom]

@spotcheck

No judgement here either.

I love love love my kids ( as we all do), and they have always had chores.
But I'm bone tired of cooking/cleaning/laundry/ making sure fridge is stocked and generally considering other people's needs before mine.
I've been doing 'women's work' all my life ( grew up having to clean up after dad and brothers) and I'm tired of it.

So, I miss the kids, but I LOVE doing what I want, when I want etc.

This!
Mine have all flown the nest now.
I love them dearly and we had youngest ds here for past 18 months which has been very amicable but he needs to lead his own life.
So nice to have peace and quiet and a tidy house.
I dont understand the "bereft" because their dc have gone to uni, crying and shaking types.
Its a bit co dependent tbh

[RuleWithAWoodenFoot]

My child is only little, but I imagine that I'll be glad of her leaving when she's an adult too. That's your job - make them ready to leave. Teenagers are mostly really irritating - behaviour that probably helps make the separation easier for all.

[HesterShaw1]

Good grief, wave her off and cheer. Nothing wrong with feeling that!

I know it's not really the same because she's not mine, but DP's daughter is going back to uni next week and we are guiltily looking forward to it. Partly because the poor girl has had two completely disrupted years due to the pandemic and I know what a great time she would have had otherwise, and I'm really keen for her to have what I had. I'm very fond of her. And partly so that we have our evenings back :o

[Notonmywitch]

I’m glad it seems completely normal to feel this way! I think the next few days will be quite reflective.

[Chunkymenrock]

Why would you be flamed? She's been successful, you've raised an independent child, you are nbu at all to enjoy your own time and space! Mine went last week and we are delighted. The atmosphere is so different, we have so much more space and she is very happy in her new house share.

[MossyBottom]

Mine are in their 20s and live and work away from home now.
I was sad for myself when mine left for uni but incredibly happy for them and their new adventure. If they had been through this last 18 months aged 17 I would be extremely relieved that they were moving on with life.
It's your job as a parent to prepare them for things like this.
Plus they bounce back and forth for a few more years!

[Iggly]

I’m not sure why these kids aren’t doing more for themselves. At that age I did my own washing, a lot of cooking and housework!!

[lannistunut]

Seeing them happy is the best thing, surely? I missed them but wouldn't have wanted them to stay home.

[TomFuckery]

Time for her to go on to her next chapter in her life
Don't feel bad
My DD is of tomorrow for a weeks holiday, I'd be lying if I didn't say I'm looking forward to a bit of peace and quiet

[Notaroadrunner]

@GoodnightGrandma

I’m ready for mine to go back too.
My food bill will go down, as will the washing pile and the amount of tidying up I have to do.
Feet up and have some 🥂🍾

My food bill will go down but I'll be sending Ds money for his food in uni so I'll probably be worse off

@Notonmywitch YANBU. Ds is gone, having spent his first uni year online from home. Before uni was confirmed closed last year I was worried about him going, but this year both he and I were ready for him to go. That year at home was so tough on him. He's still home at weekends for the moment though. Don't feel a bit bad. It's all part of seeing them grow up and hopefully they will be somewhat sensible when they are away

[olidora63]

My daughter who has always been good company was really hard work between ALevel results and starting Uni. I really was glad to wave her off …years later we are best friends!

[likeacandleinthewind]

I've got two years to wait OP, but I am already looking forward to it.

Parenting some teens is difficult. I find it really challenging in a way that no other stage of being a parent has been.