AIBU to think she should have just said no to the sleepover?

[aimbu123456789]

Name changed for this and apologies for the lengthy post.

DD (11) has a friend staying over tonight for a sleepover. It was planned a few days ago and I asked the friends parents who were more than happy for their DD (also 11) to stay over and thanked me saying how excited their DD was.
The friend was dropped off by her DM at around 4pm and everything was going great. Girls had a takeaway, played board games, painted their nails, had facemasks, took the dog for a walk, went to get sweets, played with make up and planned to watch both princess diaries movies. They were having a proper girlie night.
Anyways at around 10pm the friends DM sent me text asking if everything was going OK, I said it was, and then sent another text letting me know that they're seeing family tomorrow and that she'll be picking her DD up on the way at at around 9:30am and that she hopes her DD will be able to get some sleep and won't be too tired during the day. I had no idea that they had something planned until that text.
At that point my DD and the friend were half way through the second princess diaries movie and eating popcorn. So I went up and told them to change into their pyjamas and told them it was bed time after the movie ended as I now had to wake the friend up at 8:00am so she could can get changed and have breakfast before her DM picked her up. Girls were a little disappointed as I'd previously told them they could stay up un until midnight as I thought they could have a lie in and friend could go home early afternoon.
I told the friend that I'd spoken to her DM and that she'll have to wake up at 8:00am, thinking she wouldn't know about the event planned for the following day as I genuinely thought it was a last minute thing as I only found out about it myself at 10pm but after speaking to the friend I found out this family gathering been planned for a while.
I feel so uncomfortable and stressed as it was pushing 11pm by the time the movie ended and I told the girls they needed to get some sleep but naturally, as you'd expect in a sleepover, they're still wide awake and there is little sign of sleep. Lights are off but they're still talking, laughing, getting out of bed, tv being switched on to watch YouTube etc and I'd be surprised if they're asleep before 3am. They're currently asking the Alexa in DDs room to make funny fart and burping burping noises and to tell funny jokes. They're not being overly loud and naughty, they're just being kids having fun.
I've been up twice to tell them to try and get some sleep but it's pointless and to be honest I don't want to spoil their fun. It's the first sleepover DD has had before the lockdown and I feel really bad for her and for the friend for being such a bore.
AIBU to think the friends DM should have just said no to the sleepover knowing her DD had an early start and a busy day with family, and if she would have said something when I first asked if her DD could stay over then I would have and rescheduled for another more convenient night. What do I say to the DM when she picks up her DD and she's clearly knackered from little sleep and all the excitement? I feel like I'll be blamed because she notified me, even though it was very last minute, that her DD has an early start and her DD is clearly having a very late night.

[MiddleParking]

I think the mum’s got a total cheek texting you at that time saying she “hopes they’ll get some sleep and won’t be too tired tomorrow”. But I wouldn’t suddenly take it on as a standard to meet. Everyone knows kids are fit for nothing after sleepovers, it’s her problem.

[GNCQ]

I've been up twice to tell them to try and get some sleep but it's pointless and to be honest I don't want to spoil their fun. It's the first sleepover DD has had before the lockdown and I feel really bad for her and for the friend for being such a bore.

It's wouldn't be a sleepover without a parent demanding you get to sleep immediately every 10 minutes 😂 it's what parents do...

[eekbumbler]

9.30 - up and dressed pleased here's some toast and juice, your mums on her way.

You on the other hand (DD) back to sleep until I say so. Wave off and back to bed. Sorted.

[uktrippin]

Why are you getting worked up about something that isn't your problem? Don't drag them out of bed at 8?! Why?

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

YABU because it's not your problem if the girl is too tired tomorrow, it's hers and her parents.

[LimeRedBanana]

Would really love to know the rationale behind the 8am wake-up…

[ThePoint678]

I disagree! If my daughter was at a sleep over and they went to sleep at 3am I’d be cranky! Midnight, ok, but 3am? It takes three days to recover from that.

I agree she should have mentioned it to you earlier but you also need to get firm about it being time to go to sleep.

This is why I hate sleepovers. People assume you have nothing on for the rest of the weekend and the day is ruined by a tired and cranky child. Reinforces my position on them!

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

My Ds1 was invited to a sleepover at his mate's house a couple of Fridays ago - I said no straight off because had a football game the next day, and I knew he'd get hardly any sleep. Once I'd pointed that out, DS1 also agreed it would be a bad idea because he knows that they'd probably stay up chatting until the early hours!

I'd never put it on the hosting parent to ensure that they went to sleep, since that's almost impossible! You just know not to be doing anything important the next day, and certainly not early.

[HoppingPavlova]

Also not understanding the angst. I would have texted back saying, ‘me too, but you know kids this age lol. Off to bed myself soon, see you at pick up.’ Who cares if they stay up past midnight. Who cares if the kid is tired the next day while they eat lunch at great aunt Bertha’s, not sure why the mum is even concerned about it really.

Also not sure why it would take 90min to get a kid up, tell them to get dressed, pack their bag up, shove a piece of toast at them and push them out the door?

[aimbu123456789]

Thank you everyone. I won't be waking up anyone until 8:45am. I agree it's not my problem. Girls didn't fall asleep until 3:20am. I'm not an usual worrier but I guess that text just wobbled me a little because I'm responsible for the DM's child and I just felt bad for the friend knowing she had a long day with her family after having a late night here.

[DinosaurDiana]

Not your problem, hand over the tired child.

[Darbs76]

I’d text the mum and say you have tried to get them to sleep but given they were told earlier that they could stay up later it’s not worked so she will probably be tired. She should have told you upfront I think as now the pressure was on you for them to sleep which isn’t fun

[MoreAloneTime]

Her mum sounds a bit daft letting her DD go to a sleepover if she's having a day out the next day. Everyone knows they don't sleep much at sleepovers.

[DontDoThatGeorge]

Omg have you been up all night worrying about this?

[Shuffalo]

What time would you normally expect a child to be picked up after a sleepover? This is what I don’t get about them. Wouldn’t the child be collected in the morning about 9am anyway? If the child is tired then that’s the other parent’s lookout to not schedule something the next dat. But don’t most sleepovers end about 9am the next morning?

[cookiecreampie]

I'll bet anything there is no family gathering. It's probably just to get the kid home. Once you've had a sleepover, some kids just want to go home.

[Fernando072020]

It's her mother's problem today, not yours. I wouldn't even have sent them to bed earlier than planned. The mother should have said no if she wanted her daughter rested for today.

[MoiraNotRuby]

Sounds like they have had a perfect sleepover. Some kids will be fine the next day and some take forever to recover. That part is not your problem! They did get some sleep.

For all we know it might be the in laws they are going to, and the girls dad giving the mum hassle for letting her go to yours, so she has text you to show him she's tried to avoid her being overtired. Don't get embroiled in it. Just give her back and say how well behaved she was, and is welcome again anytime.

[pictish]

Wouldn’t worry about it at all…if she’s knackered so be it. That’s for them to deal with.

[traumatisednoodle]

TBH I prefer this to the late morning/ early afternoon pick up, when they trash the house again in the morning and your whole days is eaten up as well having to entertain parents at the late pick up time. As others have said she knew the child would be knackered, not your problem.

[TubeOfSmarties]

I am absolutely certain that the friend's mum didn't mean for you to be worrying like this! She knew she was letting herself in for a tired girl when she agreed fo the sleepover, It's not unreasonable to collect her at 9:30, andI would have taken "I she gets some sleep" sounds like friendly chat from a mum who knows what sleepovers are like rather than as a demand that you go and switch the lights off immediately. You'll be exhausted today, take it easy, and next time really don't stress like this!

[pictish]

“Then sent another text letting me know that they're seeing family tomorrow and that she'll be picking her DD up on the way at at around 9:30am and that she hopes her DD will be able to get some sleep and won't be too tired during the day.”

This was at 10pm was it? I’d have thought, fuck off you cheeky cow and pretty much ignored it. Should have thought of that before agreeing to a sleepover. Nothing to do with me.

[Itgetsthehoseagain]

Update, update!

[Twoforthree]

Nah, I wouldn’t have worried. You are right, it was up her to say another night if she was bothered.

[Etinox]

Hope you have a restful day @aimbu123456789. It’s not the end of the world if she’s tired- the mum was thoughtless to text you so late!