AIBU to think she should have just said no to the sleepover?

[aimbu123456789]

Name changed for this and apologies for the lengthy post.

DD (11) has a friend staying over tonight for a sleepover. It was planned a few days ago and I asked the friends parents who were more than happy for their DD (also 11) to stay over and thanked me saying how excited their DD was.
The friend was dropped off by her DM at around 4pm and everything was going great. Girls had a takeaway, played board games, painted their nails, had facemasks, took the dog for a walk, went to get sweets, played with make up and planned to watch both princess diaries movies. They were having a proper girlie night.
Anyways at around 10pm the friends DM sent me text asking if everything was going OK, I said it was, and then sent another text letting me know that they're seeing family tomorrow and that she'll be picking her DD up on the way at at around 9:30am and that she hopes her DD will be able to get some sleep and won't be too tired during the day. I had no idea that they had something planned until that text.
At that point my DD and the friend were half way through the second princess diaries movie and eating popcorn. So I went up and told them to change into their pyjamas and told them it was bed time after the movie ended as I now had to wake the friend up at 8:00am so she could can get changed and have breakfast before her DM picked her up. Girls were a little disappointed as I'd previously told them they could stay up un until midnight as I thought they could have a lie in and friend could go home early afternoon.
I told the friend that I'd spoken to her DM and that she'll have to wake up at 8:00am, thinking she wouldn't know about the event planned for the following day as I genuinely thought it was a last minute thing as I only found out about it myself at 10pm but after speaking to the friend I found out this family gathering been planned for a while.
I feel so uncomfortable and stressed as it was pushing 11pm by the time the movie ended and I told the girls they needed to get some sleep but naturally, as you'd expect in a sleepover, they're still wide awake and there is little sign of sleep. Lights are off but they're still talking, laughing, getting out of bed, tv being switched on to watch YouTube etc and I'd be surprised if they're asleep before 3am. They're currently asking the Alexa in DDs room to make funny fart and burping burping noises and to tell funny jokes. They're not being overly loud and naughty, they're just being kids having fun.
I've been up twice to tell them to try and get some sleep but it's pointless and to be honest I don't want to spoil their fun. It's the first sleepover DD has had before the lockdown and I feel really bad for her and for the friend for being such a bore.
AIBU to think the friends DM should have just said no to the sleepover knowing her DD had an early start and a busy day with family, and if she would have said something when I first asked if her DD could stay over then I would have and rescheduled for another more convenient night. What do I say to the DM when she picks up her DD and she's clearly knackered from little sleep and all the excitement? I feel like I'll be blamed because she notified me, even though it was very last minute, that her DD has an early start and her DD is clearly having a very late night.

[WildBurd]

@DeflatedGinDrinker

Get her up 30 mins before collection and if she's tired who cares. Not your problem.

This.

[worriedatthemoment]

Why uo at 8 , when not being collected until 9:30 , 9 am would still give time and bed at 12 would still be 9 hrs sleep

[LadyJaye]

Meh. In the immortal words of MN, 'not your circus, not your monkeys'. If the other girl's mother was so concerned, she should have cancelled.

Also, they're 11, not 7 or 13: as I recall from having once been an 11-year-old girl myself, it's the 'resilience sweet spot' between being a sleepy child and a hormonally drained and perpetually grumpy and sleep-deprived teenager.

[Brefugee]

I would have let them get on with their plans and not let it worry me. I'd have been more cross at someone expecting to call round at 9:30 on a Sunday, though. She's 11 - she can get herself up, can't she?

[billy1966]

100% her choice to allow her to stay at yours and accept the consequences.

Wouldn't have paid an ounce of attention to her silly text🙄

[safclass]

Her mum should have said 'oh weve got a family do the next day so prob best to give it a miss this time, but thanks'. She choose to let you have her dd sleepover so shes BU to expect you to alter the plan to ensure her dd is up and well rested! Kids do not sleep a lot at a sleepover! 😂 Her problem.

[Newestname001]

Sounds like both girls had a great time, OP - well done! You did the best you could and nobody was hurt - in fact the two people who really mattered enjoyed themselves.

Now, maybe, you should have a nap this afternoon! 🌹

[gingerbiscuits]

Stop worrying about it! Not your sleep deprived child so not your problem! lol

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Sounds like they had a great time!
I doubt friend will be too bad - depending on how far they have to travel to get to said family, she may even fall asleep in the car. If not, again, not your problem!

Sounds also like DD has the right idea - maybe you could copy her!

[museumum]

She’s 11. Unlikely to lie down on the restaurant floor and drum her heels because she’s overtired. She’ll just have to cope. She’s lucky she was allowed to go with a family thing the next day. My dc would be allowed too but told this was the consequence- they’d have to push through.

[HadEnoughofOtherThreads]

Sleepovers shouldn’t be this stressful!
You must be knackered. Have you slept at all?

Personally, I would prefer a lunchtime pick up time so we can all have a lie-in, if need be. I would expect the child staying over to fall into our routine as much as possible, if possible. It’s your weekend too. This is why we generally don’t suggest or agree to sleepovers unless the children are family members, children of close friends or in an emergency situation.

I reluctantly agreed to having a big group (10+) of 13yr old girls sleepover when our eldest was a teen over 10 years ago. They needed to practice a last minute routine for a dance competition the following week. It was fine. The more the merrier and they were no trouble. None of this trashing the house business. I told them to bring their own pillows and duvets and let them take over the living room, so they all slept downstairs.

[aimbu123456789]

Thank you everyone 🙂 I feel better knowing there's nothing I could have done differently and its not my problem if the friend is tired and cranky all day. Girls were awake by 8am (I didn't wake them) I could hear them nattering and giggling away. They definitely didn't seem overly tired fair play. The DM didn't actually turn up until 10am 🤦‍♀️ so friend has now gone and DD has decided to go back to bed to bed to watch a movie and have a nap.

[UntilYouComeBacktoMe]

Meh, not your problem...

[Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov]

I would have taken the message in the same spirit as I hope it's not raining, or I hope traffic isn't bad. Not actually as putting responsibility on you. But I'm not thinking I'm gonna need a stealth conversation around sleepover expectations with other moms when I get to that stage. My assumption would be the kids are a law unto themselves and any sleep is a bonus rather than to be expected.

[clickychicky]

Not your fault. At that age the friend can decide if they care what mum will think if they are tired or not. Mum was naive to think she'd get any sleep.

[Maggiesfarm]

I don't see it as a big deal. The girls are eleven years old and even if they didn't get to sleep until midnight, they'd still have eight hours by the time one of them has to get up. Picking her up at 9.30am isn't that early (by most standards, would usually be for me on a Sunday). As long as she is washed and dressed in time & if she hasn't had time to eat just give her a bacon sandwich to eat in the car or something. Then you can go back to bed for a while :-).

It is one minute to eight now.

[Buckleyourseatbelt]

I can see why you’re a bit stressed, the mum put the responsibility of her dd getting sleep into you when anyone sensible knows kids don’t get any sleep on a sleepover.

[Etinox]

Hope you have a restful day @aimbu123456789. It’s not the end of the world if she’s tired- the mum was thoughtless to text you so late!

[Twoforthree]

Nah, I wouldn’t have worried. You are right, it was up her to say another night if she was bothered.

[Itgetsthehoseagain]

Update, update!

[pictish]

“Then sent another text letting me know that they're seeing family tomorrow and that she'll be picking her DD up on the way at at around 9:30am and that she hopes her DD will be able to get some sleep and won't be too tired during the day.”

This was at 10pm was it? I’d have thought, fuck off you cheeky cow and pretty much ignored it. Should have thought of that before agreeing to a sleepover. Nothing to do with me.

[TubeOfSmarties]

I am absolutely certain that the friend's mum didn't mean for you to be worrying like this! She knew she was letting herself in for a tired girl when she agreed fo the sleepover, It's not unreasonable to collect her at 9:30, andI would have taken "I she gets some sleep" sounds like friendly chat from a mum who knows what sleepovers are like rather than as a demand that you go and switch the lights off immediately. You'll be exhausted today, take it easy, and next time really don't stress like this!

[traumatisednoodle]

TBH I prefer this to the late morning/ early afternoon pick up, when they trash the house again in the morning and your whole days is eaten up as well having to entertain parents at the late pick up time. As others have said she knew the child would be knackered, not your problem.

[pictish]

Wouldn’t worry about it at all…if she’s knackered so be it. That’s for them to deal with.

[MoiraNotRuby]

Sounds like they have had a perfect sleepover. Some kids will be fine the next day and some take forever to recover. That part is not your problem! They did get some sleep.

For all we know it might be the in laws they are going to, and the girls dad giving the mum hassle for letting her go to yours, so she has text you to show him she's tried to avoid her being overtired. Don't get embroiled in it. Just give her back and say how well behaved she was, and is welcome again anytime.