To fall out with a friend over trying to sneakily sell me something

[Cheeekmate]

Absolutely fuming with one of my close friends.

I’m always very generous with him (and all my friends). I invite him for dinner all the time, if I have tickets to an event I think he’d enjoy, I invite him along. We’ve been friends a long time. I do ok financially but am by no means wealthy or in the position to throw my money around, nor do I offer my friends generosity with the expectation of it being reciprocated.

He rarely reciprocates with much generosity but he’s quite an unusual character (and I suspect a level of Aspergers or similar) so I've never given it much thought.

Today I felt he crossed the line massively.

He sent me a message to wish me a nice weekend and ask what plans I had, which was really out of character. He then said he’d bought a gift voucher for a restaurant but he couldn’t use it, so if I wanted to use this weekend it I was welcome to it.

I was really pleased, particularly as he can be a bit tight sometimes. I thanked him and said how kind it was. Then I realised....

Of course, he was trying to sell it to me. He’d bought it and realised he didn’t want it. He wasn’t even trying to get some of his money back, he was trying to sell it at full price (possibly even to make money out of it as he’d bought it at a discount). The fact he’d disguised his request as a really nice offer, was both embarrassing (for me) and crass (of him).

If he’d outright asked if I wanted to buy it, I’d have been completely fine. However, the way he went about it has really bothered me.

I literally never fall out with my friends but this has made me want to blow my lid. I read him the riot act when I realised but it’s made me want to cut ties with him entirely.

AIBU? It was hours ago and I’m still so angry!

[mainsfed]

@OwlBeThere

You can’t possibly know that was his train of thought. You don’t know him, you don’t what he was thinking.

Because it’s a common tactic. Weird that you’re so defensive of him.

[MyDcAreMarvel]

@memberofthewedding out of vintage fabric of which I have a big stash no it was you who was rude, a face mask uses a very small amount of fabric. How embarrassing for you.

[prawntoastie]

Why should he give it for free

[Cheeekmate]

Thanks all. I spoke to him (kindly) and explained I was mainly just disappointed that he rarely gets in touch to say hi, and that when he did, it was to sell me something. I also said I felt awkward as I felt he intentionally positioned it as if he was giving it away, when he actually wasn't.

I do think it may have been somewhat just personality differences and a misunderstanding and my anger was partly fuelled by my embarrassment.

That said, it was a good opportunity to point out the disparity sometimes in our friendship.

All resolved now and it was probably a bit of a lesson to me in several ways, in terms of expectations and different types of people.

[OwlBeThere]

[quote mainsfed]@OwlBeThere

You can’t possibly know that was his train of thought. You don’t know him, you don’t what he was thinking.

Because it’s a common tactic. Weird that you’re so defensive of him.[/quote]
It’s weird to point out that you don’t know what a person is thinking? I find it weird you are so ready to assume so much about a total stranger.

[KarmaNoMore]

He could be worse OP, I went shopping with a group of friends, the only one I barely knew asked me to pay for her stuff and mine together so she could use her voucher (minimum spend required)

I agreed, when we got to the till she pretended she couldn’t find her card quickly enough and asked me to pay with mine instead.

No problem with me, but the girl at the till said it needed to be my own voucher, I said I may have one in my emails. The “friend” accused me of trying to steal her voucher! So I offered to pay my own separately.

She apologised and told me she would pay me straight after (there was a cash point around the corner). But once out she told me she would pay me “another day”.

I said no, she feigned offence, friends don’t treat friends like that, do they?
I said, I barely know you.

So he insisted in having a coffee with the group before paying me, which she spend complaining about the many times people had taken advantage of her. I didn’t bulge.

She then asked for my bank account to pay by phone, but after I gave it to her she said she would do the transfer from home. I smiled and said, oh let’s not complicate things, let’s stop at the cash point on the way to the car park.

She just sat there talking non stop, I thought she was waiting for school pick up time to do a runner and.. she did! 2 minutes before 3pm she said “OMG it’s almost 3, don’t you have to pick up your kids???” We all replied they were taking the bus.

So we walked to the cashier point, she hand me the money but insisted in keeping the discount I got because it was... her voucher.

Since then on she is known as “the thief” that little episode set it clear that not only had she tried to take advantage of me but that she had accidentally left without paying many times when out with the other people, that she would organise for things order bottles of wine and then disappear or pay less at the time of splitting the bill.

In my case, she was not a friend, but CF need to be kept at a distance for some good reasons.

[Miasicarisatia]

If someone asks can you make me one your reply should be 'sure, if you make it worth my while'

[CervixHaver]

@memberofthewedding

Some people are really cheeky at trying to get you to do things for them for free.

I made myself some really lovely face coverings out of vintage fabric of which I have a big stash. Id been to my nephews for his birthday (same support bubble) and as I was getting out of the taxi a neighbour called to me over the fence. She asked where I got the face covering and on hearing that I made it, asked if I could make her one.

I was really taken aback and said " I hadnt thought of making them to sell. I dont have the time and this fabric is one of a kind so it would have to be quite expensive. Sorry!" She said "Oh, right...." In a tone which immediately let me know that she expected me to make her one for free!

No, her tone was because of your extremely rude comment! Wow....

[Judithand]

A casual friend text saying she had spare tickets to the zoo as her friend pulled out of going. I replied that I couldn’t go as DS was off of school that day and I couldn’t manage both kids. I said I would try to find a sitter for him but to ask other people in the meantime. The night before she messaged saying she still had the tickets and could I go with her. Her DH has recently left so I felt sorry for going alone.

I paid for childcare for DS for the day and drove us all there and back.

She texted that morning saying the friend that had pulled out didn’t want any payment for the tickets. it hadn’t been mentioned before! She didn’t take out her purse when I was buying ice creams for DD and her DC ordered too (I would have refused if she has offered) she hinted at stopping at McDonald’s drive through so many times but I ignored it as I knew that I’d have to pay for everyone and I don’t like McDonald’s.

The annoying thing is I had tickets for the zoo 2 days later. I was just trying to be nice.

[Bogeyes]

I had a friend who put money above friendship. I don't see them anymore. It's not a true friendship.

[MoonCatcher]

My SIL tried to sell us the nursery set (curtains, quilt) that we had given her for her first born when we were expecting our second child.

[MoonCatcher]

SIL also had her kitchen refitted and was very insistent that we buy her old gas cooker even though we had a better one and it would have also cost us to hire a van and pay a gas fitter and dispose of the old (perfectly good) one. I declined.

[osbertthesyrianhamster]

[quote mainsfed]@JensonsAcolyte glad you returned the stuff rather than paid for it. What was her reaction?[/quote]
Me, too! So many just let themselves be mugged off.

[MoonCatcher]

@memberofthewedding

Some people are really cheeky at trying to get you to do things for them for free.

I made myself some really lovely face coverings out of vintage fabric of which I have a big stash. Id been to my nephews for his birthday (same support bubble) and as I was getting out of the taxi a neighbour called to me over the fence. She asked where I got the face covering and on hearing that I made it, asked if I could make her one.

I was really taken aback and said " I hadnt thought of making them to sell. I dont have the time and this fabric is one of a kind so it would have to be quite expensive. Sorry!" She said "Oh, right...." In a tone which immediately let me know that she expected me to make her one for free!

It's not rude to decline to make items for virtual strangers despite what a couple of PPs have said.

[FakeColinCaterpillar]

I had a school mum friend who tried to make money from me a few times. She rang to say that she had seen this toy DD wanted. She quoted me the full retail price of £25. However I had already for it from B&M for £6.99, where I suspect she had seen it also.
She sounded disappointed when I told her I’d already got it.

Whenever she very took the DDs out she would go on and on about the cost, obviously looking for money. I took her DD out dozens of times out more and never asked for anything. Glad they are no longer friends.

[Beautiful3]

Stop having him over for meals and paying for him. It's not nice what hes done, I would be upset too. I gifted a piece of furniture to my bil, that I intended on selling. They seemed grateful because they really needed it, and I'd never charge frinds/family. A few months later he admitted that they sold it that same week, and bought a chinese take away with the money!!! Wow, just wow! We agreed to never have him over again.

[mainsfed]

I had a school mum friend who tried to make money from me a few times. She rang to say that she had seen this toy DD wanted. She quoted me the full retail price of £25. However I had already for it from B&M for £6.99, where I suspect she had seen it also.
She sounded disappointed when I told her I’d already got it.

Any chance you told her you got it for £6.99 in B&M?

[FrozenCucumberPresse]

@mainsfed

Usually if someone tells a friend they're welcome to have something, it's offered as free.

He was hoping to create a sense of obligation. So he tells OP she's welcome to have it, OP agrees, he then says £100 please, thinking it will then be difficult for OP to say she doesn't want it after all.

Bingo!

So many people do this. I’ve had it happen where a friend has offered something, I’ve accepted gratefully and then they’ve told me the price. It’s just shit behaviour. If you want paying for it make the price clear upfront! If no price is mentioned then it’s assumed to be a gift.

I refuse to feel awkward about it tbh and if someone tries to do that to me I don’t feel bad saying ‘oh sorry, I hadn’t realised you were selling it! That’s not in my budget for now, thanks for the offer though’

These people rely on you feeling too worried about coming across as grabby and going ahead with the purchase.

[osbertthesyrianhamster]

@Beautiful3

Stop having him over for meals and paying for him. It's not nice what hes done, I would be upset too. I gifted a piece of furniture to my bil, that I intended on selling. They seemed grateful because they really needed it, and I'd never charge frinds/family. A few months later he admitted that they sold it that same week, and bought a chinese take away with the money!!! Wow, just wow! We agreed to never have him over again.

This. You know he's tight (and please, not the ol' 'he's autistic' excuse again), just stop fronting him.

[FakeColinCaterpillar]

@mainsfed

I had a school mum friend who tried to make money from me a few times. She rang to say that she had seen this toy DD wanted. She quoted me the full retail price of £25. However I had already for it from B&M for £6.99, where I suspect she had seen it also.
She sounded disappointed when I told her I’d already got it.

Any chance you told her you got it for £6.99 in B&M?

Oh I did. She sounded disappointed.

[CoalTit]

If someone says you're welcome to something, it's reasonable to assume it's a gift, and pp are unreasonable to say you shouldn't have assumed that.
I'd take a step back from this friendship, not because he's tight with money but because he's tight with money, looks to you to make his life cheaper, and is a bit sneaky about it. No harm in telling him so, either.

[billy1966]

Close your purse from now on OP and get better friends.

[motherloaded]

I hate people like that.

If you SELL something, mention the price from the beginning. it's not that hard.