AIBU to think either men or their exes are lying about orgasms?!

[samosamo]

So, just listened to today's womans hour - bear with me! All about how only 20% of woman orgasms through vaginally sex alone. I knew this, but the conversation reminded me of conversations I've before when the man has said to me 'but all the women I've slept with before you have (because I so truly refuse to pretend, I think pretending will get neither of us anywhere if a mutual outcome is what were after!).

So, AIBU to think it's either the men, or the women they have been with, who are fibbing??!! Which do you think? (Unless of course, it's true and these men are just mr lover lover guys!!!)

[SwimBaby]

I’m in the 80%

[TurquoiseDragon]

I faked it with my ex. He was abusive, and it was easier to fake than endure an interrogation on why I didn't orgasm. It couldn't possibly have been him, of course.

Except, it was, really. He'd even ask what I liked, I'd tell him, only for him to do something slightly different in a "he knew best" kind of thing. Which meant I didn't get off.

Won't be putting up with this crap in future relationships.

[Tal45]

I faked it sometimes in my very first relationship, didn't realise it was common for women not to orgasm from PIV, bf had an inkling though due to lack of contractions. Never did again after that.

[TracyHorrobin]

I used to have fantastic clitoral orgasms during vaginal sex. Sometimes I would get a sudden headache after an orgasm and it would worry me. I could have repeated orgasms in one session.
Now, post menopausal, nothing, at all. I think I have used all my orgasms up. I have no sensation. I am completely honest with DH, always have been. These days for me sex is now about intimacy. There is no way I would fake it. Never have.

[Lambside]

It's not just porn though is it. Almost every film, tv sex scene book depiction makes PIV sound like the only way to do sex. The point is always the man's orgasm. That is the aim. The finishing point.
I often wonder if it was reversed and the woman always came, often through just action on her, none on him and then she got up, got in the shower, waved goodbye and he's the one left unsatisfied how society would view that. How men would view that. But it's been the norm for men for aeons.
As a teenager I never thought of my sexual pleasure as being important. Sex was something men did to women. Took me years to get my head into a better space and expect, ask for and demand my own orgasm.
Dammit!

[Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep]

@GrumpyHoonMain

I’m in the 20% that can, but it takes a lot of foreplay.

Same - I have to be very geed up before it goes in though

[Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep]

@LilMidge01

I'm sorry, a man actually said to you "but all the women I've slept with before you have" in what seems like an accusatory tone?! I presume you immediately threw him out and never let him see you naked again? Or at least told him all your ex's lasted for hours and you're surprised at how quick he is. Jeez..what a knob

Yep
A man once told me I must have faked it because my p*say wasn't wet. Didn't have sex with him again.

[Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep]

Loads of women fake it. Women are often socialised to please men in bed and view their sexual needs as irrelevant or a bit gross and a chore. Personally to quote Samantha Jones when I RSVP to a party I make it my business to come and if that means taking matters into my own hands then so be it.
I wouldn't have sex more than once with a man who wasn't very interested in my orgasm.

[steppemum]

@LittlestBoho

I genuinely believe most of these men wouldn't know a female orgasm if it slapped them in the face. They probably think "she moaned once while I was jackhammering away so she definitely came; I AM THE GREATEST! I am the Casanova of the 21st century. My penis is magical. I am magical. Worship me as a god."

To these men, unless a woman has specifically said "you didn't make me come" he will assume she came, and if she didn't come he'll assume it's because she's got something wrong with her. Honestly, sometimes I wish I had the confidence of an average, mediocre man.

Oh yes I agree.

I think if the woman makes encouraging noises, or noises of pleasure then the man assumes she has come.

[InkieNecro]

I'm in the 20%, I knew I was before I ever slept with my ex husband. However he never made me cum in almost 20 years. I'm not sure how on earth he didn't know, my current partner knows because he can feel all the contracting, but as this never happened with my ex I've concluded he was just useless if he couldn't even work that out

[Holothane]

Sex in my mind is fantastic better than real sex.

[tellmetologoffIamaMNaddict]

I rewatched When Harry Met Sally last night, an absolute classic and brilliant depiction of relationships between men and women. Google the orgasm scene. The whole script is based on Nora Ephron and Rob Reiner's discussion of their respective dating experience.

[Divebar2021]

There are occasions when you know it’s not going to happen but they see it as a kind of challenge to get you there. Once I feel the pressure to perform the chances of me achieving it become more remote by the second.

[arethereanyleftatall]

I can absolutely see why women fake it. It's like giving a party bag as a 'you can leave now' clue. Once I've had enough (in a lovely way of course), it's a way of telling them to finish.

But it's all such a blooming stupid circle. Men like to make women cum. If woman doesn't cum, mans pride is wounded, woman thinks there's something wrong with her. So, woman fakes it. And, lo, men think that's normal.

[1678bfj7]

I'm obviously in the 20% because it's a 100% success rate and pretty quick too. BUT there have been guys in my past where I've thought "this wouldn't work with most other women", who obviously had weaker skills than other guys I dated. I've occasionally wondered what happened to the clueless ones in their later relationships, because I may have given them an unrealistic impression of their skills.

[AbsentmindedWoman]

@babbaloushka

Sometimes I'm not sure if I'm faking or not. It feels nice vaginally, and I can "cum", but it doesn't feel anywhere like a proper clit stimulated orgasm if that makes sense? I don't know if others experience this.

There are different kinds of orgasms.

So you could be having two different kinds - sounds like a small internal orgasm if you do feel you're coming? But not as strong as a clitoral one, in this case, perhaps.

[Thatisnotwhatisaid]

A lot of women fake it. I’m not sure why at all but only 2 men have ever made me orgasm vaginally. The only thing I can genuinely put it down to is they had smaller penises . I don’t know how or why this would have any bearing whatsoever but I wouldn’t say I was any more attracted to them than other partner’s and definitely wasn’t in love with them. Would love to know why, I do miss orgasming that way...

[babbaloushka]

@Magnificentmug12

I was thinking that just the other day!! Cuming (is that the right spelling?) through penetration is nice, like how feeling overwhelmingly happy is nice, but cuming through clit stimulation is like a explosive orgasm- and one men rarely achieve, but I think for a man, cuming is like a clit orgasm, so they have a explosive orgasm every time!!!! No wonder they love it so much 😂

Glad I'm not the only one! And yes, that dopamine rush is something else, I do understand why they are so eager.

[Murraytheskull]

I'm also in the 20%, but the man has to know what he's doing (I.e. doing what I like rather than what he thinks I will like) in order for it to happen. Sadly there have been few men over the years who actually want to learn how to get me off, most have just wanted to 'do their thing' and I admit in the past I have just given in and faked it so they can bask in the glow that they are so amazing in bed they knew what I wanted. I've never stayed with anyone long term who did this.

I blame porn for most of the issues around male performance in sex. They grow up without really knowing the reality and don't want to listen to their sexual partner and what she may like.

[NoIDontWatchLoveIsland]

I don't think it's in pelvic floor either, since mine is nothing special.

I think it's kind of mental too. Maybe it's one of those things where if you are lucky and it happens a few times you relax about it all and it happens more.

[NoIDontWatchLoveIsland]

Oh and I've never faked it, I can't even imagine that. Actress I am not.

[NoIDontWatchLoveIsland]

Ok I didn't know the 20% thing. I get there just fine from piv . Pretty well every time.

I'm not remotely adventurous in bed though at, DH and I are both way too lazy for that.

[irregularegular]

Interestingly, I used to be able to come very easily and reliably just from vaginal sex. man on top, no hands. But the clitoris was still being stimulated. These days I just can't seem to get the position quite right. So I touch myself too. I mean, why wouldn't you? I orgasm before or with him 99% of the time and never fake.

[Blue4YOU]

I’m definitely the odd one out here 😳. I have two types of vaginal orgasm (one back wall (as it were) which is mind and body blowing and I’ve front wall (usually if I’m on top so probably includes clitoral stimulation (I don’t need to do it separately)).
On the other hand I cannot cum from oral sex.
It’s actually almost painful having direct contact with the clit

[wingsnthat]

Lots of women pretend in bed tho

Let’s not act like women aren’t supposed to be “freaks in the sheets” and put a performance on during sex to please men. There’s no pressure on men to be “good” during sex. It doesn’t matter how the female feels as long as the man is getting some!