AIBU to not allow photos of DD to be shared on social media by local mum?

[Pigtailsandall]

I met a local mum friend in the park today, and we ran into two other mums and their toddlers. All our kids are around 18 months, and they were being very cute, passing sticks and dandelions to each other.

One of the mums I don't know well took a few lovely photos, and later, sharing them on WhatsApp, asked if she can post them on social media. I kindly asked her to exclude the ones of DD, because we don't post photos of her online, and I got a very cold response of "I see". The easy chat on WhatsApp has totally died too.

She had 4 photos without my daughter in them so I thought just use those. She's not linked to me on social media so I guess no one would know who DD is, so am I overreacting?

[sykadelic]

Well, it depends.

I was a bit precious in the beginning as well because a friend had an experience about a friend of a friend sharing a photo of her kid... it was super weird.

But I'm less fussed about it now. As long as there is no nudity (tops or bottoms) I'd be okay with it.

[chatw00]

She asked and you gave your answer - yes or no shouldn't be an issue for either of you. She was clearly asking 'just to polite' and not expecting a negative answer. But tough luck to her. It's up to you - and I'd try to make sure she hasn't gone against your wishes either.

[Jamboree01]

You are not being unreasonable at all. I wouldn’t share pics of any kids without asking parents first. If they say no, I don’t take offence... they are their children.

[Selttan]

I think you are fine to say no.

Not everything has to be on social media.

My friend sent me a pic of her newborn and I asked if she'd mind if I sent it on to my mum (who knows my friend) - I think nowadays you have to be really careful with kids pictures.

[sergeilavrov]

Anyone who can’t respect boundaries around a child’s image isn’t someone you should feel hurt by, if they give you the cold shoulder. Definitely keep an eye to make sure she doesn’t go on to post them anyway. We don’t have images of ourselves or children on social media, and we just make sure our families and friends know our preferences, and they’ve been useful in gatekeeping at events etc. That might help build your confidence to say no on sharing their image.

[billy1966]

Her issue completely.

[Eileen101]

You're perfectly at liberty to object to photos of your children being put on social media by others. Maybe she wasn't expecting anyone to say no and was just being polite as pp has said.
Just stick to your guns, she'll get over it.

My sil is a mummy blogger and asked if she could put one of both of our daughters on her page. We said yes as it wasn't identifying but thankfully she thought better of it.

[Oriunda]

YANBU. I’m on social media and have posted pics in past of my child with friends’ kids - but only where I know my friends are on SM too and more importantly they post pics of their kids. If my child is ever with a friend whose parents don’t use or post pics of them, then I either don’t post the pic, or I crop or use labels or stickers to blank out their faces.

[SimonJT]

I don’t allow identifying pictures of my son on the internet, if his face is covered, shows the back of his head etc then its fine, so I would have done the same. If she is now grumpy or awkward she needs to grow up really.

[Sparklingbrook]

It was nice of her to ask I suppose and nobody would have known it was your DD so not 'identifying' as such.

But it's your choice to say no to it, I'm sure she'll get over it.

I don't have FB and I would have no clue if my DC were plastered all over it when they were small.

[RainingZen]

100% yanbu. Don't think twice about it , you are neither unusual nor unreasonable

[LudoTrouble]

I don't have a strong opinion either way, but I'm curious as to what people are afraid of? What realistically is the risk in having an unnamed picture of your child at the playground on someone's Facebook page?

[Jamboree01]

Some people don’t want their children’s pictures on social media. Some think that children are allowed to make that choice for themselves once they are adults.

Pictures can be saved from social media and shared... locations identified. Look at NSPCC and safeguarding and you will see how bad things can be.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

YANBU not at all. Your child, your choice. If she puts a picture up of your child on social media, you are also within your rights to ask for it to be removed.

I was annoyed when dd’s friend put pictures up of her on Facebook when the children were 7. I didn’t ask for it to be removed. But some people do not have the same values and boundaries and plaster their children everywhere. I am glad I didn’t as I think my child has the right to decide what images of her can be searched and viewed.

[Jamboree01]

@Mummyoflittledragon

YANBU not at all. Your child, your choice. If she puts a picture up of your child on social media, you are also within your rights to ask for it to be removed.

I was annoyed when dd’s friend put pictures up of her on Facebook when the children were 7. I didn’t ask for it to be removed. But some people do not have the same values and boundaries and plaster their children everywhere. I am glad I didn’t as I think my child has the right to decide what images of her can be searched and viewed.

This

[Apple40]

I don’t post any pictures of my children on social media so would not allow any one else too either. If they cant respect that then they are not friends. My reasons for not posting on social media etc is around safeguarding and I don’t not believe you need to plaster your whole lives all over the internet for everyone to see

[Sparklingbrook]

There must be times when people don't ask permission to post pictures, and you would be completely unaware they had?

It is fine to say you don't allow it but only if people ask?

I think that's a valid question @LudoTrouble, especially if the child is not identified/named.

[TeenMinusTests]

@LudoTrouble We don't do pictures on social media as our DC are adopted. With image searching and what not these days the risk/benefits aren't worth it.

Once you find a picture, you can then find out the local area, then someone 'likes' a school and you know what school they are at etc.

Also it is simpler to have a blanket ban than a case by case. Much harder to enforce if sometimes you say its OK, and other times want to stop.

[CloudFormations]

Yanbu. This is totally your decision, and she has no right to be annoyed by your response. I also don’t put photos of my baby on social media and I would expect anyone I knew to accept my decision on that without question.

[nancywhitehead]

@LudoTrouble

I don't have a strong opinion either way, but I'm curious as to what people are afraid of? What realistically is the risk in having an unnamed picture of your child at the playground on someone's Facebook page?

It's not always obvious but there are risks. Here are a few:

jelliesapp.com/blog/5-reasons-not-to-post-about-your-child-on-social-media

It's the parents' decision at the end of the day - I know parents at both ends of the spectrum with social media sharing about their kids. OP's friend should respect it so I think YANBU.

[CloudFormations]

@LudoTrouble for me, it was because I read an article about a woman whose photos of her daughter were taken from social media and edited for a website showing images of the sexual abuse of children. She had been trying for months to get the website taken down but hadn’t been successful. That gave me such a horror I decided never to put photos of my baby online.

I also think there’s something a bit experimental about it - social media is new, we don’t know what effects it might have on children to have their lives shared without consent. I do t want to be part of that experiment.

[drpet49]

You are not overreacting. I don’t know many people who put pictures of their children on the internet.

[MaMaD1990]

No its not wrong. I do the same with my daughter because we don't want her all over social media. Everyone we have spoken to have been fine about it - although looked at us like we've got two heads, but fine all the same! Your child, your choice.

[Sceptre86]

She needs to get over herself. I never put pictures of my children on social media and would have said the same. Unfortunately sometimes people who use social media lots and post pictures of their own kids do not see the harm and will think you are being precious but who cares? My children can make their own choices about social media when they are older.

[Anotherdayanotherdollar]

I don't post photos of my children on social media but I have absolutely no control if other people do! You can't stop anybody from taking a photo if you are all in a public place...and the owner of the photo is free to put it wherever they wish