To not want to spend my child's DLA on extra days in nursery?

[ShinyRedShoe]

On the provision that he is awarded in the first place that is.

He'll be turning three in January and has just received a diagnosis of autism. I have been encouraged by his nursery to apply for DLA which I plan to do, I'm just compiling all of his medical evidence and gathering letters for the application at the minute.

The nursery manager thinks it would be a good idea to use the (hypothetical at the moment) DLA money on extra days in nursery as she thinks it'll be good for him.

He currently receives the government 15 free hours funding and attends two days per week, I only work part time so I don't need the extra days childcare.

They keep chasing me up about it and asking if I've sent the application or heard anything back yet.

If DS awarded then I think I'd like to use the money on other things such as a safer sleeping bed, sensory items for the home and to make adaptations where I can to make life easier and more enjoyable for him.

AIBU to not want to use DLA to pay for additional childcare or do you think I should?

[Poppinjay]

I think you need to tell the nursery manager very firmly to back off. Whether you receive DLA for your DS and what you spend it on is none of their business.

Whether more time in nursery would be better for him is debatable. If they have high quality therapeutic, e.g. an intergrated S&LT programme it might. However, if you're a loving, involved and attentive parent who understands his needs and knows how to deliver the therapy that the nursery staff would deliver, he's probably better off at home with you anyway.

[Elfieishere]

@ShinyRedShoe

I work part time (only weekends) having given up my FT role to care for DS when we became aware of his additional needs. My OH works full time therefore I'm not sure if I would be eligible for carers? I'll look into that as a matter of priority once I have sent and receive a decision from DLA

You have to earn less then £123 a week to claim. So if your part time job pays less then £123 then you can claim it.

It doesn’t matter that your OH works full time. Mine does too.

If you are just over £123 then you can put some into your pension and half of that amount gets deducted.

Example: if you earn 130 a week. You need to put £14 a week into your pension (not just the £7) and then you will be entitled to the allowance.

[SleepingStandingUp]

@ShinyRedShoe

I work part time (only weekends) having given up my FT role to care for DS when we became aware of his additional needs. My OH works full time therefore I'm not sure if I would be eligible for carers? I'll look into that as a matter of priority once I have sent and receive a decision from DLA

i think its if you work under 10 ours and earn under about £120

[ancientgran]

Do they have concerns about your son? It seems unusual. You say you aren't very assertive, could it be coming across to them as you aren't very proactive or engaged or something.

Is there anyone who could give you some support in explaining to the manager.

[SomethingNastyInTheBallPool]

They really don’t sound helpful. Why was it so important to them that he stop having a dummy?

[ShinyRedShoe]

Prior to DS being diagnosed (as of 11th November) they wanted me to chase up and put pressure on the paediatrican to rush through with the assessment which I (and I'm sure many of you) know is daft as it just doesn't work like that with waiting lists.

Same with the fact he's got about another 6 months of waiting before he will be seen for SALT in person.

I would appreciate if they would leave us to it a bit more but have been reluctant to say as much as I don't want to get their backs up or sound as though I don't appreciate the support.

[Elfieishere]

There isn’t a limit to how many hours you can work while claiming CA. You have to earn under £123.

I work 16 hours a week.

[papaelf]

They ate acting unprofessionally. The message that you posted a picture of is ridiculous from such an establishment. The fact that they feel they can tell you how to parent is just as ridiculous. If your autistic child gets comfort from their dummy then they keep their dummy. And they are way overstepping the mark by constantly bringing up the DLA. I would ask for a meeting, you and DH. Be prepared for it and wrote down everything you can do you don't forget. Essentially you need to tell them to act with the professionalism you pay them for.

[ShinyRedShoe]

As far as I'm aware they don't have any concerns about DS, at least not in terms of safeguarding.

They probably do see me as being not very proactive though, which is nonsense as I've been fighting to get DS help since he was tiny and I wouldn't have sourced a SEN nursery 2 miles away (when I don't drive) if I wasn't commited to getting him support.

I do feel like they have unrealistic expectations sometimes, like taking the dummy away or pestering the paediatrican to bump us up the waiting list and whatever else.

I suppose it's easy for them to think I'm not doing enough when they are constantly giving me tasks to do and they're not happening (Chase up DLA, chase up paeds) but similarly like others have said I don't think the DLA is any of their business (I don't mean to sound rude about that)

[Calabasa]

I applied for DLA for Autism with my boy when he was a bit older, if you need assistance with it, then Cerebra used to provide a really good service that helped me immensely with filling ours out.

cerebra.org.uk/

[Calabasa]

cerebra.org.uk/download/disability-living-allowance-dla-guide/

[x2boys]

Does he have an EHCP ? Because the onus should be on the nursery applying for it and the extra funding etc that comes with it ,DLA is for you to use how you see fit to benefit your son nothing to do with Nursery

[mumsthewurd]

it's completely up to you what you spend your son's DLA on. If you need adaptations at home, social services should be able to help with those as well, but you may not want to get SS involved. Have a look on the NAS website for help with benefits. My ASD DD was part-time at nursery because she couldn't cope with full-time. Now 13 she still can't cope with full-time special school. Some kids need more decompression and processing time.

[ShinyRedShoe]

Sorry if I'm cross posting but to add context to my last post..

The waiting list for an ASD diagnosis in our borough is approx 2 years, DS was 8 months in to that waiting list and they wanted me to ask/tell the paediatrican that he needed to be seen sooner (like I have that authority to just bypass the many other young children who are also waiting for a dx)

It was by pure luck that there was a cancellation and DS was offered an earlier appointment so he was diagnosed within a year of his first appointment, but I understand that isn't the norm and we were very lucky.

[Nat6999]

I got DLA for ds age 9, first application, no need to appeal or anything, we got higher rate care & lowest mobility. It is much easier to apply for than PIP for adults. One of the best things I did was to keep a diary over a week showing how much care ds needed, I showed times of day & what I had to do for him.

[mumsthewurd]

And yes - apply for his EHCP as soon as possible. Good luck OP. x

[40weekswithno2]

I remember your other post about your sons nursery. They sound very pushy and I'm not sure I could put up with that level of interference tbh. They have absolutely no right to ask about your sons DLA let alone pester you about it.

[ShinyRedShoe]

Thank you for the info on carers allowance and the link to cerebra, much appreciated. I'll look into both

I'm actually very grateful for advice and support as being new to the SEN world is a little daunting, I just don't like having alot of pressure applied onto me (by the nursery)

[ShinyRedShoe]

He doesn't have an EHCP right now but I'm told that the nursery will be starting the process soon, his recent diagnosis will be helpful with that no doubt.

[Wildwitchofthewest]

I think they are being grabby. Tell them assetively at this time you will be spending those extra days with him as his mother, DLA or not!

[mooncakes]

Some of these things (like SALT) honestly ime it is a case of the squeaky wheel getting attention. When services are underfunded and unstaffed as they are now you do often need to push and chase for things.

Nursery have probably experienced children whose parents aren’t as educated or assertive getting less help, so maybe take an approach now of being pushy with everyone.

However, where the nursery have failed to be professional or helpful, such as with the makaton course or hassling you to increase days, I would put feedback in writing to them. Stress that you appreciate and value your working relationship for the benefit of your DS, and recognise all the progress he’s made with them, but that in these situations their approach hasn’t been helpful.

I’d also raise the issue with the dummy - they will have a policy of discouraging dummy & bottle use based on the advice of Local Authority/speech therapy, but they also need to adapt their policy to take into account individual children’s emotional or mental health needs. Maybe suggest to them that they implement individual plans for dummy/bottle use rather than apply a blanket policy?

[SansaClegane]

Good luck with trying to get DLA in the first place - it's not easy.
My diagnosed 6yo was refused any, because apparently it's normal for a 6yo to shit himself every day, to not be able to dress himself, or to not be able to walk without being held tightly as he'd throw himself into oncoming traffic otherwise- "he seems to have no additional needs"
I'd pursue the EHCP rather than DLA as you might secure extra help that way.

[Babyroobs]

You spend DLA on what you like, no-one checks up what you spend it on. Do remember though that if you claim tax credits or Universal credit then it won't just be the DLA you receive but other benefits will go up ( potentially quite significantly ) and also you may be eligible to claim carers element of Universal credit . If you don't already claim Uc then having a disabled child may now mean you are eligible (all dependent on other circumstances/ partners wages etc ).