To not want to spend my child's DLA on extra days in nursery?

[ShinyRedShoe]

On the provision that he is awarded in the first place that is.

He'll be turning three in January and has just received a diagnosis of autism. I have been encouraged by his nursery to apply for DLA which I plan to do, I'm just compiling all of his medical evidence and gathering letters for the application at the minute.

The nursery manager thinks it would be a good idea to use the (hypothetical at the moment) DLA money on extra days in nursery as she thinks it'll be good for him.

He currently receives the government 15 free hours funding and attends two days per week, I only work part time so I don't need the extra days childcare.

They keep chasing me up about it and asking if I've sent the application or heard anything back yet.

If DS awarded then I think I'd like to use the money on other things such as a safer sleeping bed, sensory items for the home and to make adaptations where I can to make life easier and more enjoyable for him.

AIBU to not want to use DLA to pay for additional childcare or do you think I should?

[saraclara]

@papaelf

To be totally transparent, I told them a while ago that I had sent off the application and I'd let them know when I hear back.

Ignore my advice re welfare rights then. You said in your OP you were just gathering the evidence so I assumed you hadn't sent it.

She told them she had to stop them nagging her. She hasn't sent the application yet.

[saraclara]

ah...cross post

[papaelf]

I haven't sent it yet, I just told them that as I was tired of being asked every other time I pick him up

Complain. It's not remotely acceptable for them to do this.

[Ideasplease322]

I think you need a firm line with them Something like

This is a personal issue. If I decide I want more days I will approach you.

Then silence, don’t explain, don’t apologise

[ShinyRedShoe]

It's all very new to me and I'm still coming to terms with it, it's a bit overwhelming in itself and I need some time to process everything and make plans for the future.

It was making me anxious how every other time I went to collect DS I was being questioned about the DLA so I said I'd sent it off did the "when I know, you'll know" in the hopes they'd stop pressing me about it.

After I said I'd already sent it off they still kept asking if I'd heard back and were telling me to chase it up, so I've probably made it worse for myself by saying I'd sent it off in the first place.

I'm not very assertive when put under pressure and it just makes me feel uncomfortable, as though I'm somehow lacking by not doing everything expected of me by 'yesterday'

OH did pick up last week and they even asked him.

[binkyblinky]

That is absolutely disgusting! How dare they declare what you should spend his disability benefits on! My son was diagnosed at 3, if his nursery had tried that, I'd have pulled him out and taken him somewhere else

[Travis1]

Wtf?! That’s ridiculous and disgusting behaviour by the nursery. I’d probably have lost my temper by now. Are they the only option for your son? I’d be seriously considering moving him

[OverTheRainbow88]

If you work the term after your Ds is 3 his free hours should increase to 30 hours rather than the 15, unless you earn more than about £120k a year!

[Bagelsandbrie]

That is insane. It is absolutely NONE of their business whether you claim DLA or what you do with it. The money is to be used to benefit your child which for a lot of people means it goes into the general household pot to pay for bills / expenses etc as for lots of families with a disabled child their is a loss of income related to a parent having to give up or reduce work (this is what happened to us, we have a ds aged 8 with autism and complex needs and use our dla - which we’ve received since he was 2 at high rate).

The nursery should not even be asking what you spend or plan to spend the Dla on.

When my son was at special needs nursery they applied to the council for extra funding so he could have 2-1 support but that’s all we ever heard about funding.

[OverTheRainbow88]

I don’t like confrontation and am a people pleaser so I would have said the same... maybe send them an email saying their constant asking is making you feel uncomfortable.

[3teens2cats]

If he is awarded DLA then you should be entitled to 30hrs. If you wanted to use any of the extra hours you would need to apply for the 30hrs code from hmrc by the 31st December. It could be they are anxious for you to not miss the deadline if that is what you wanted.

[ShinyRedShoe]

They also want me to do a particular makaton course which I'm more than happy to do, we exchanged messages over WhatsApp then during pick up I was questioned as to why I hadn't contacted the course leader to put myself on the list.

I wasn't even given the relevant info to register myself for that as all I had was a screenshot on WhatsApp with dates and times, no contact details or point of contact for me to actually. I'll attatch screenshot.

Nursery manager asked me on WhatsApp what date would suit me and I told her (January) but I wasn't told I needed to contact them myself or given any point of contact to do so. They also didn't follow up with me about the course after the text.

When I collected DS I was almost told off for not contacting the makaton course leader despite not having any means of doing so, and the nursery having said they'd discuss booking in the following week which didn't happen.

Truth be told it feels very teacher/student relationship with me as strange as that sounds.

[ShinyRedShoe]

Ah see I wasn't aware that being awarded DLA would mean he's eligible for 30 hours free. It was communicated to me that it would be good to use his DLA money on extra days in nursery.

I don't think there's any chance of me being awarded by 31st December as I'm only part way through the form and I'm still waiting for our paediatricans full report which i plan to send off with it.

[SleepingStandingUp]

@3teens2cats

If he is awarded DLA then you should be entitled to 30hrs. If you wanted to use any of the extra hours you would need to apply for the 30hrs code from hmrc by the 31st December. It could be they are anxious for you to not miss the deadline if that is what you wanted.

is this as standard or only once op is claiming carers? i know wequalified for it as i got carers and dh worked.

op if you;re not working and get dla you also need to apply for carers, its about £64 a week

[Newstart20]

He should be entitled to 30 hours at aged 3, so I'd just use the extra hours then (unless you need a break). However, now you've said its an independent special needs nursery I would consider if he benefits from being there and maybe add an extra session? Only you know if they offer different facilities/activities that suit his needs.

[Elfieishere]

Just tell them you weren’t awarded dla and you won’t be pursuing it currently as you’re to busy.

Just say no to the marathon course if you don’t want to do it.

DLA can be awarded for autism. My son got MRC (medium rate care) at 2.
At 3 I redid the forms and he got High rate care.
At 5 I redid them again and he got HRC and High rate mobility awarded indefinitely (although I’m sure they will come along in a few years to review).

[ShinyRedShoe]

I work part time (only weekends) having given up my FT role to care for DS when we became aware of his additional needs. My OH works full time therefore I'm not sure if I would be eligible for carers? I'll look into that as a matter of priority once I have sent and receive a decision from DLA

[ColdNovemberNights]

So you just tell them you dont want or need extra days

[SendHelp30]

I get DLA middle rate for my 2 year old son. Was awarded within 10 days, I didn’t experience any issues.

[Bikingbear]

Your choice on what you spend it on.

However he's in a specialist nursery, with staff trained in supporting his needs so maybe he would benefit from the extra time there. Think of it as nursery education rather than childcare.

Apply and see what happens, you won't get if you don't ask.

[ColdNovemberNights]

They seem pushy!

Just tell them straight

[ShinyRedShoe]

It's very encouraging to hear others have found the DLA process awarded in their favour. I've been slightly concerned that he may not get it due to his age, so thank you for the encouragement.

[papaelf]

That's an awful message. Who wrote that?

[Nottherealslimshady]

It's for you to spend on things that he needs because he's autistic. So things like a safer sleeping bed are absolutely sensible. But if he's in a special needs nursery and it is helping him then increasing the time will probably massively help him. If I were you I'd be increasing his time in nursery gradually up to 5 days well before he starts school so it's one less thing for him to have to adapt to when he starts school

[ShinyRedShoe]

I do find them to be quite pushy yes, although I know they're well intended.

I posted on here before some months ago about how they wanted me to take DS dummy away despite it being something he relies on heavily. He has GDD and alot of sensory issues so it's not as simple as just taking it away when it's one of the few things that can be the difference between him smashing his head on the floor or calming down.