To not want to spend my child's DLA on extra days in nursery?

[ShinyRedShoe]

On the provision that he is awarded in the first place that is.

He'll be turning three in January and has just received a diagnosis of autism. I have been encouraged by his nursery to apply for DLA which I plan to do, I'm just compiling all of his medical evidence and gathering letters for the application at the minute.

The nursery manager thinks it would be a good idea to use the (hypothetical at the moment) DLA money on extra days in nursery as she thinks it'll be good for him.

He currently receives the government 15 free hours funding and attends two days per week, I only work part time so I don't need the extra days childcare.

They keep chasing me up about it and asking if I've sent the application or heard anything back yet.

If DS awarded then I think I'd like to use the money on other things such as a safer sleeping bed, sensory items for the home and to make adaptations where I can to make life easier and more enjoyable for him.

AIBU to not want to use DLA to pay for additional childcare or do you think I should?

[SinkGirl]

Do you get tax credits or UC, OP? We got a small amount of child tax credits, which increased when they got DLA, and they also covered a large proportion of our nursery costs (we sent the boys for three days a week after a term or so). So that’s worth looking into if you do want to send him more. Other than that, tell nursery you can’t afford it, and if they think he needs more hours they can crack on with an EHC needs assessment - if an EP states he needs x hours per week then the LA can fund that through an EHCP.

[SinkGirl]

They won’t get 30 free hours at 2 even with DLA - it’s 15 hours from the term after they turn to, and OP is likely to qualify for 30 hours from the term after he turns 3. At 2 you can get the 15 hours just for receiving DLA no matter your income.

[88bowie]

I know from experience the forms are a ball ache, what I will say is lay it on thick when filling it out, I knows it hard to write about ur child in such a way ( I understand it's heartbreaking to list issues) but it helps not to make light of issues. Hopefully u get awarded the dla and U choose how and what u spend it on. If you do get awarded that should mean they get 30 free hrs, so maybe that's why the nursery is pushing you ? And they also will be able to apply for extra funding for stuff. It's also handy to have dla, can often get get into zoo and activity's for free as ur classes as a career xx

[BackforGood]

DLA has nothing to do with nursery. Ok a wee 'oh you should apply for DLA' comment, fair enough, but anything further is downright none of their business.

That's not true though.
If a child is in receipt of DLA, it opens other doors - Nursery can get DAF (Disability Access Fund) to benefit the child, and, as so many others have said, more funded hours for the child as and when they want it. It also ticks boxes when looking at referrals to EPs, when looking at applying for an EHCP, and - in our Authority anyway - when the Nursery apply to the LA for additional funding to support the child within Nursery (not sure how this would fit with it already being a 'special needs nursery' - the funding might already automatically come with the place).

Yes, it is up to you how you use the DLA, if you get it, but yes, it also helps the Nursery access further support for your child, if they are in receipt of it.

Now, obviously I don't know your lovely ds, but, a lot of dc generally, and, more so dc with additional needs struggle, with a 5 day gap between attending Nursery every week (attending 2 full days). Another thing to consider - if that is what is behind them asking about him attending more days - might be to spread your 15 hours as 3 hrs x 5 days. I realise if you have a 2 mile walk each way, and a younger sibling, you might not want to do that, but it is just a suggestion.
I am also assuming, if they are a Nursery specifically for dc with SEND, that they have a level of expertise and experience that will benefit your dc in areas you say you are on waiting lists for - such as SaLT strategies and the sensory work that an OT will recommend, so I'm not sure why you wouldn't want to access a bit more of this.

[x2boys]

In my LEA at least there are quite a few courses you could access , unfortunately because of COVID I'm not sure wether they would be on line , but even so if you do the courses even if they don't help at least you can say you have attended them and get more help .

[SinkGirl]

It is a tough journey but you will get through it.

Definitely keep on about the EHCP. In most areas at this age nurseries can’t access an ed psych assessment unless part of the EHC needs assessment. It’s a big job for a nursery or school, huge amount of paperwork, but for parents it’s a simple letter template so it may be easier to apply yourself if they are dragging their heels.

Also I can’t recommend enough the book More Than Words by Fern Sussman - it’s a pricey book (try Winslow Resources) but worth every penny for supporting language development and communication. I also found the book An Early Start For Your Child With Autism gave me some good strategies to use at home, but honestly with two very different autistic toddlers we’ve been fire fighting until they started school.

[ShinyRedShoe]

Thank you all for the brilliant advice and suggestions, I've taken alot from this thread today.

have nursery had your son assessed by an educational psychologist to see at what level he's working at ?

Not as far as I'm aware they haven't yet no. They have asked my permission to refer him to a children's psychologist (?) that the nursery works with so that may well be part of it. The information booklet I was given talks of how the aim is to improve his socialization / encourage imaginative play / learn coping techniques etc.

I'm certainly interested in accessing courses myself as I want to make sure I'm doing my best by him and learning all I need to about autism.

I have a base line understanding from doing my own research (and of course parenting DS) but it's all very new to me and it's going to be a long journey.

[x2boys]

And please don't think nursery know best regardless of your age your his mum you know him best, it's good to arm yourself with help ( there maybe charities in your area that can advise) being a special needs parent is hard for anyone to navigate and it takes time to get to grips with the system ,ask about courses ,early bird etc they can help you understand behaviour sometimes

[LD22020]

It is for what they need. If they would benefit from extra nursery time then yes I would.

Both my children have DLA. Both from nursery age. Both I have funded extra hours at nursery as that benefited them.

[x2boys]

Yes I agree with @SinkGirl night time needs are hard to evidence,however if you have professionals involved such as the disability team ,portage etc they can do a sleep assessment with you that could be evidence ,a sleep diary might also help to show how long it takes to settle your son,I would also be pushing the nursery about your son's EHCP this is very good evidence for DLA ,have nursery had your son assessed by an educational psychologist to see at what level he's working at ?

[SinkGirl]

Don’t fill it in based only on the bad days - this is old advice and considered fraudulent now. The form asks you how long certain things take and how many times a day / week - for example, if you need to settle him in bed, how long does it take and how many times a night. You can put 30-90 mins, 2-4 times a night, if that’s the range but don’t put that it’s 90 mins 4 times a night if it’s only that bad twice a week for example.

Night time needs are really hard to evidence so HRC is really hard to get - the social care OT reports and their EHCPs is what got it for us I believe.

[cansu]

Next time it is mentioned. You need to be very clear.
Regardless of whether he is awarded DLA, I am happy with the two days he spends here at the moment. I don't want any additional time at the moment. Don't offer any excuses or reasons and say it in an assertive, but polite no nonsense tone. If they continue to press, you will need to tell them I have understood what you have said and have considered it, but am completely happy with my decision thanks.

[ShinyRedShoe]

I'm not sure, x2

I'll have a look in a mo. That sounds like something that would benefit me definitely.

[x2boys]

Do you have an independent advisory service in your area ? You should be able to find details on your " local offer " website if so they can attend meetings with nursery with you and advocate if needed for you .

[ShinyRedShoe]

To answer some questions:

He has been in nursery since June of this year.

He doesn't currently have an EHCP but the nursery are going to apply for one.

RE his communication he can let me know that he wants some things but doesn't have the ability to engage in back and forth comms. He is very difficult to settle yes and I'd be lying if I said it's not extremely hard sometimes. I've noted to fill in the form in accordance to his bad days and not focus on the positives.

The nursery is solely a special needs nursery and is advertised as such, although they have said they'd be happy to take my (we believe) NT younger child when she's 2.

I don't tend to discuss finances with others it's just that nursery asked if I'm in receipt of DLA and when I said no they made it their mission to encourage me to get it, which is lovely and supportive in theory but it has become like badgering.

I'm not very confident when it comes to going against / asserting myself when it comes to the nursery staff as I'm comparatively younger than all of the them and get a distinct "we know best" vibe, although granted they've never actually said that.

[2bazookas]

You're his mother, you know best .

Making his home safe , comfy and interesting are longterm benefits that improve home life for everyone, so surely a good investment.

This age is such a precious stage in any child's life ,it's gone all too soon, and you'll never get it back. After 5 he'll be in fulltime school anyway. If you and he are happy with the current arrangement, stick with it for now. Maybe in a year he'll want more time in nursery; but there's no need to decide that now. It will keep.

[Boop79]

It’s not up to nursery staff to decide you spent it on! However, I do agree that upping his hours could benefit but that choice is yours of course.

Has an EHCP been mentioned? The process can take a while but it means your child will be entitled to extra funding within a nursery setting and when they go to school which may benefits.

[lockeddownandcrazy]

They want the business - but you need to stand firm and do what is best for your child. That is probably not extra nursery time.

[dairyfairies]

They keep chasing me up about it and asking if I've sent the application or heard anything back yet.

just tell them you won't send him extra hours and ask them to stop bothering you. that is very unprofessional and it is none of their business.

or say you applied and tell them in a few weeks you were turned down. or change nursery.

[dairyfairies]

my thoughts on that (I have a DD with severe Asd diagnised at 3 too).

1. you have not even applied for DLA. There is a helluva difference between applying and getting it for a 3 year old with autism. We applied when DD was three and were turned down (according to DLA she had no extra needs). It took a mandatory reconsideration and appeal to get it. Took almost 9 months in total and is pretty common. At present, you don't have money to spend and that may not change for a looooong while
   
   
2. Dont discuss finances with everybody... this just leads to situations like that
   
   
3. if he is already 3 days in nursery, extra time will not help. if nursery would be a cure for autism, then there wouldn't be older kids and ASD around.
   
   
4. At his age and with his needs, he will benefit far more from a 1:1 home setting
   
   
5. she is a nursery manager. Not and autism expert, not a therapist, not a doctor. Her specialist area is keeping a business afloat. take the hint
   
   
6. why do you feel so much unter pressure from her suggestion. It is just your call..

[nannynick]

I would look at what else the DLA can be used towards, such as respite care and 1:1 personal assistant/care. His needs will change over a period of time, more nursery sessions may be useful but he may feel overwhelmed in a group setting. He may prefer having more time with you or he may want to do things that someone else could take him to. I take a child a little bit older out of walks in the countryside as his 1:1 personal assistant. It gives him what he likes - muddy puddles, quietness of the countryside, seeing animals, being in nature whilst giving his parents some time when with their other children. DLA can be used towards various things which benefit the child, so consider what he wants, what he would benefit from. That may well be more sessions at nursery but it may not be.

[Lavanderrose]

It depends on what they are doing with your child in nursery. Not long ago I worked with an absolutely amazing nursery Senco who really made a difference to the special needs children she supported. The difference in their learning and development by the end of the year was incredible to see.

[BessieSurtees]

You do not need DLA to apply for the 30 hours childcare, and as a pp said this can start the term after his 3rd birthday.

The nursery should be concentrating on starting the EHCP not asking for your DLA, although it is good that they signposted you, many nurserys do not.

DLA is not hard to get for a non verbal child age 30 months or 3 years old so long as you fill the form in correctly. You do not want to be ticking that he can make his needs known or his speech is coming on great. Not because it isn't but in the context of DLA if he is non verbal he must need extra help with communication.

If you are giving him options and he chooses, that counts as help. Does he point, take your hand, make noises or use signs that you recognise? Do you often guess or pre empt what he wants because you know him so well? That all counts as help. How does he communicate with other adults and children? Can he independantly understand instruction, does he repeat or copy words rather than make a sentence? When he speaks is it in context?

Is he difficult to settle, can he tell you how he is feeling, why he is distressed, can he understand your response? How is his toileting, does he have routines, what extra help does he have in nursery?

Unfortunately DLA focuses on all of the negative aspects, while as parents, rightly so, we focus on the positive. This is not a bad thing but sometimes as parents we do not realise the extra help that we give our child compared to another child of the same age.

[Crunchymum]

How long has he been at the nursery @ShinyRedShoe

[Oblomov20]

It's none of her business how you spend the DLA. Spend it as you see fit.