To be seriously concerned about my family

[Stuckinforever]

We are a family of seven. Two adults, five children under 13. We did the full lockdown, with me being out a lot of the day providing care to family who were shielding, OH trying his best to home school etc. My older children have completely changed, personality wise, probably a mix of teenage hormones as well as recent events.
Kids are back at school, it's half term, and we cannot do anything together. Rule of 6. No cinema, museum, meal. Unless the weather allows us to have a picnic in a public place.
For context, we're tier two. I could meet with 6 of my friends outside but can't do anything, at all, with my family.
I'm seriously concerned about my teenagers' mental health. AIBU to think large families have been forgotten?

[MaskingForIt]

@RettyPriddle They’re very lucky to have both parents around to entertain them

Given the age structure of the family I strongly suspect the children don’t have both parents around to support them and are either a blended family or kinship foster/adopt. I’d tread carefully before assuming their life is a rose garden.

[Friendsoftheearth]

Things I am doing with my teens:

Cycling
Tennis
Board games
Cooking
Seeing friends
Restaurants - you just need to speak to the manager and explain the size of your household
Cinema - we have been twice and it was great!
Shopping!

There is nothing stopping you from having a fantastic half term, the biggest obstacle to that appears to be you placing limitations on your life that do not exist.

[Dillo10]

Sounds like you are just looking for problems here. You're being told repeatedly that you have misunderstood the rules and you ARE allowed to go out to eat, cinema etc as a family... So that's good news, right?

[ImMoana]

Another one who doesn’t understand why this is such an issue when you all reside at one address.Just make separate bookings.

[Longwhiskers14]

@Againanothername

You have my sympathy, you really do.
But I don’t think that meals out are crucial for good mental health.
I do feel for teens right now, it’s very hard for them. But I don’t think that not being able to go on family outings is likely to be that big a deal. Many families can’t afford this sort of thing ever.

Disagree. Going out for dinner as a family is lovely and you can end up having the kind of conversations you wouldn't necessarily have at home. It's a chance to re-engage away from the mundanity and stress of being locked down at home, so it's great for mental health, provided it's done safely, of course.

And your argument that just because other families can't afford it OP's shouldn't isn't fair. She can't help that others can't afford it, but why should hers miss out if she can?

[Itisbetter]

She can't help that others can't afford it, but why should hers miss out if she can? the point surely was that it is possible to raise children with less, not that they wouldn’t love more.

[Tiersforfears]

Have you actually tried to book anywhere? Most restaurants have said If your household is bigger than 6 call us and see what we can do. Have you even tried?

[LizzieSiddal]

The OP has said she’s tried to book things and she’s been told no. The OP is obviously struggling. Why are people being so unkind?

[Fatted]

Just go out as a three and a four? Rotate and alternate who goes with with parent etc.

I live in Wales OP. We're a family of four and can't do anything either.

[HeddaGarbled]

Why are people being so unkind?

Because the OP claimed large families have been “forgotten”, which is self-pitying nonsense.

[Tiersforfears]

@LizzieSiddal

The OP has said she’s tried to book things and she’s been told no. The OP is obviously struggling. Why are people being so unkind?

@LizzieSiddal

Not sure how asking if she has tired is unkind? I was trying to be helpful actually. I think you need to get a grip.

[Tiersforfears]

Tried*

[Ignoringequally]

@tootiredtothinkofanewname

to the PP, yes rule of 6 doesn't apply BUT no where will book a table for 7, or let you book 7 tickets, or sell 7 seats....etc.

You have my sympathy OP.

They will where I am. You just have to tell them that you’re one household.

[lyralalala]

@LizzieSiddal

The OP has said she’s tried to book things and she’s been told no. The OP is obviously struggling. Why are people being so unkind?

She hasn’t said anything about explaining being a large family when booking.

You can’t book through normal channels as it’s all set for 6. It takes making the effort to phone places, as the rest of us with big families who haven’t been prevented going places have found out.

[TicTacTwo]

I bet the 12 and 13 yos would be happy to sit in the row in front or behind you , your h and the little ones.

Or you book a group of 3 and a group of 4 with a gap in the middle then scoot up.


Personally I would be calling establishments to find out how to prove you're a household of 7 because that's an acceptable exemption according to The Rules

[emmathedilemma]

One adult book 3 tickets and the other book 4 tickets??

[Watermelon999]

Book as a 3 and a 4 on different emails?

Outdoor walks, outdoor cafe and hot chocolate?

Split up into 2 groups and tailor the activity to the different age groups? ( in our house this tends to work better than forcing them all to do same thing).

[Likeafriendivealwaysknown]

@Stuckinforever

It’s seems a bit much to stay stuck inside for a full week when realistically you and your DH could take it in turns to being the DC to different places. If you’re worried about your children why aren’t you doing that?

It’s very extreme to say you’re worried about your children but then you won’t go anywhere unless all 7 of you are there. I am from a family of 5 and my father worked long hours so day trips and events out were always our DM and us kids.

[DaisyDreaming]

Can you book one adult with 3 children and one adult with 2 children? They aren’t going to stop you being together when you’re somewhere, a restaurant at the very worst might want a gap

[mindutopia]

It sounds like you just need to be a bit more creative and split your time between the two of you. I think you should feel grateful that your children are getting to go out and do things with you at all, even if not the whole family. My 7 year old is currently spending the week watching netflix for 8 hours a day because dh and I both have to work all week. If you are able to have time off, make the most of it and give the kids more personal time together, and/or do things that don't require booking (if people aren't understanding the rules). There are lots of free, non-attraction things you can do, particularly if you are in an area with lots of restrictions.

[ViciousJackdaw]

[quote Stuckinforever]@AlexaShutUp 2 13yos and an almost 13yo (tomorrow) my children want to spend time outside, with their family OUTSIDE the house. They see their friends in school, want family time away from our 3bed house. I'm guessing you don't have a large family...[/quote]
So you don't have 5 children under 13 then and we've established that large families have not been forgotten.

You say you won't go anywhere unless all of you can go and that the teenagers MH is deteriorating. Why is it so essential that you all go together? Don't you think that the teens MH is worth doing something separately, particularly as there are 7 of you stuffed into a three bed - that really cannot be easy for them.

[Ginandtonic100]

Just to say to those who think you just call up and explain you’re a large family... I’ve yet to find a restaurant who will take us for a range of reasons (moving furniture, worried about bad reviews about their Covid security etc). I got into a lengthy row with one who was adamant it’s wasn’t allowed even for a single family (as I think someone has posted - it’s on the first page of the guidance!). Also things like cinema and theatre have been difficult too. Though also agree with others that there are lots of other options, and you can divide into groups. However, the rules are hard enough to follow without it being made even harder in some cases.

[AlexaShutUp]

Perhaps their mental health would improve if you encouraged them to spend some time with friends outside of school? It's good for kids to have some time away from family too, and it's quite unusual for kids that age to only socialise as part of a family unit.