To let you into a secret about being slim.....

[Yellow1793]

I’m 5’2” and an untoned size 10. Over the last year or so (lockdown excluded) I’ve spent extended amounts of time with 4 different female friends, who are all taller, slimmer and considerably more toned than me. Aside from the fact that they all exercise at least 5 times a week, they also eat like birds. Their lifestyle revolves around making healthy choices, every single day, and I’m beginning to wonder if you do this consistently if you just stop feeling hungry. One of them regularly skips lunch. Another never has more than 2 glasses of alcohol in one sitting. Another always eats about 30% less than I do.....last time I was with her she had a small pasta portion for her lunch whilst serving me 3x the amount of pasta she had AND 2 sausages. No wonder she is tiny. None of them calorie count or talk about diets because their lifestyle choice is one big diet. I’d love to have their discipline.

@Desperadododo, ditch the aerobics and lift weights or do a martial art/boxing.

OP it will be whatever exercising they are doing as well. My DD lifts weights and does UFC type training, some days she can eat 3000 calories a day. I've just dropped five stone and sculpted my shape, despite being post menopausal. I've never understood why we don't encourage girls to do weights, it's ideal for bone and muscle density, which as women we need.

When you eat less refined carbs, your hunger levels drop. It's good even for emotional eaters, which I was, you break the need for fat/sugar. My comfort food is chickpea curry or lentil soup. My carbs are plant based. It's a bit more complicated than calories in/out, what you eat is important. For health, not just body size.

I’m slim and always have been. I’ve only very very recently had to start watching what I eat at all aged 30 - metabolism definitely slows down and I’ll miss the time of being able to eat as much as the boys, and to have whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. I’m 5’6” and 9 stone (size 8-10), but I was 8 stone when I left university with the same or worse diet and similar amount of activity.

But - a lot of the time what I want to eat is healthy. At home we always eat home cooked meals, and I never snack. It’s eating out that I find much harder. But I certainly think I can maintain my current weight or even lose a few pounds without being hungry or never indulging. Yesterday I had an amazing lemongrass chicken weight watchers recipe. I think it was probably only 250-300 calories but I was definitely full after.

I run to fat easily - I suspect genes, metabolism, not naturally active, low musculature. The quickest way to turn this all ‘on’ is to eat lots of refined carbs and to really push it to then add in sugar combined with fats. I’ll immediately feel more hungry through the day and start to eventually overeat at every meal (quickly seen within the course of a weeks holiday).

Easiest way to keep it ‘off’ is to stay hydrated through the day, eat protein and healthy fats and loads and loads of veg. And stay off white carbs and sugary snacks. Walking 10,000 steps daily helps (but it has to be diet for me). So this is what I do most of the time to ensure waist circumference stays below 31. But it would take me about a month to just undo it and start steadily gaining and gaining. Breastfeeding let me lose baby weight as it does for most (seethe word most) women and women can snap back when ffeeding too. It’s just it was effortless for me to lose baby weight in a way it has never been for me.

Lots of the statements on here just need a ‘most’ in front of them. Most slim people eat when hungry and stop when full. Most slim people are active albeit either inbuilt fidget or actually looking to exercise. Most slim people have the odd treat food and don’t eat them constantly.

An odd few have the genes and gut bacteria that means they are naturally slim in the face of our Western lifestyle.

Actually I think your friends need less food precisely because they always make healthy choices; their bodies are probably getting all the vitamins / minerals / nutrients that they need so the hunger shuts off. On the other hand, someone who regularly eats unhealthily & doesn’t fuel themselves correctly will probably keep experiencing hunger pangs because their bodies are looking for nutrients but instead of getting those nutrients, in goes more cake so on the weight goes whilst the hunger continues. This is also before you even get into the whole minefield of metabolic damage, disordered / emotional eating etc.

I’m one of those terribly sad people who watch what they eat and exercise every day.

It’s not miserable though. I eat good sized portions of 3 meals a day. E.g. a bowl of porridge piled high with fresh berries, a big salad with beetroot, olives, eggs or tuna or meat and dressing, a big tea with whole grains and lots of veg. DH and I eat out 2-3 times a week, I’ll order whatever I fancy, we usually have just a main and one drink though.

I keep an eye on my calorie count, I aim for 1200 cals on a normal day, but will happily go up to about 2000 if I’m eating out or feeling hungry. This means though, that I do check myself on snacks and things. I could quite happily eat a family sized bag of crisps, but I don’t let myself. Instead, I will weigh out a bowl of the recommended portion. I drink mostly coffee and water. I limit soft drinks, fruit juices, lattes, alcohol.

The other key is exercise, I love being active and moving around. I hate lounging about, I’d rather walk for a couple of hours and listen to a podcast than sit on the sofa watching tv. I was surprised during lockdown how many people were content with limited daily exercise. I cycle to work and I try to use my car as little as possible. DH and I hike, bike and run together for fun. Last night, as a wind down, we fancied a couple of beers, we took them on a walk up some hills near our house and strolled whilst we drank them.

Looking after your body through diet and exercise is scoffed at so much, it’s such a weird attitude. Why wouldn’t we want to fuel our bodies properly and take pleasure in being fit and healthy.

Live to eat; eat to live
Live to work; work to live
Different strokes for different folks.

I’ve discovered the secret

Being so anxious & panicky that you barely eat for 12 weeks.

I’m coming out the other side now but it’s been hell

Life’s too short x

I’m not entirely sure that’s a secret; I’m slim but no longer toned however when I was much more toned (pre children) I exercised 3-4 times a week, had plenty of sleep so didn’t need to snack for energy and although I had treats I generally ate a lot better, in part because I had the time and energy to plan my meals and snacks.

I’ve been quite interested to see my Fitbit readings during lockdown. On my working days, I’m pretty sedentary but on my days off with the children my steps are generally massive, days when I’ve been cleaning tends to up them a fair bit too. I think a lot of ‘slim but eat what they want’ people potentially underestimate their normal daily activity and possibly those who struggle more are just naturally quite sedentary. I know the Fitbit calories aren’t necessarily accurate but the difference between an active and sedentary day seems to be about 500-700 calories. Even just half of that would be enough to make a difference to weight gain over a longer time period.

I dont agree that life is too short to eat smaller amounts and be consious of what a treat is. Life is definitley too short to feel unhappy in your skin, I was slim most of my adult life, then larger for about 7 years when I'm bigger I don't feel good I feel older, self consious and like certain things are just not for me. I have to love myself first before i can have a good sex life, or enjoy wearing nice clothes if I don't wear nice clothes then I don't enjoy certain places. I can't place the joy of food above how I feel in my skin for me and no one else. Life is too short to feel shit about myself for the best part of a decade and avoid things I would love to do. I have been denying myself parts of life.

It's not sad , I loved being slim from 30- 37. I watched what I ate and went to the gym.3 times a week , I looked great in clothes and amazing on the beach.
But , when I fell pregnant all that went out of the window, I ate what I wanted, I put on 4 and a half stone and I loved every minute of it! Omg it was so good to eat and eat .
It took around a year to lose the weight after ds was born, but now I'm finding it hard to get a happy medium , I don't know if its age , or what .
I'll never get my old body back, I just dont have the time or the discipline.

I’ve never been overweight but the past few years I was carrying too much weight around my middle. Skinny arms and legs and a fat belly, feeling bloated and sluggish.

Something clicked in me one day that I would only eat when I felt hungry and stop when my body felt like it had enough (as in SATISFIED rather than stuffed and bloated). Sounds basic right? But I had got into a habit of constant snacking, stress eating and eating way past the point of feeling full.

Basically, I eat whatever I want, just not crazy amounts. A few chips with dinner rather than a big pile etc.

My belly fat has gone and I feel lighter, more energy. I think my body was using quite a lot of energy processing all the extra food I was eating.

Bit of a ramble but I think this is basically intuitive eating. Checking in as to whether I’m actually hungry and listening to when my body says to stop eating.
I’ve really noticed how much I was grabbing for crisps and biscuits when I felt stressed or lonely, when I wasn’t hungry at all. I try to do something positive when I feel stressed now, like walk the dog or speak to a friend.

It seems to be working for me!

*If you're eating less calories than your body needs, or even the exact amount it needs and you're still overweight, you need to see a doctor.

I imagine that would point to a medical condition.*

I agree with this I would look into your medical health and your nutrition. It could be an underactive thyroid or related to your stomach flora. Do you take probiotics and prebiotics, for instance? The other thing is you may have food intolerances, so you may need to change what you do eat rather than how much you eat, which might make it easier not to put on weight.

However, generally the slim people I know move around a lot. They don't sit and have a coffee at home, they're doing things while drinking their coffee for example. They all do eat anything they like but don't tend to snack or overeat.

For me the 'life's too short' thing doesn't apply. I'm not that arsed about food, definitely more of a eat to live type person and have always had a relatively small
Appetite . I don't really derive a huge about of joy from eating and what I do eat tends ( usually) to be healthy. I don't drink because I'm not fussed on the taste of most alcohol. Just different for everyone isn't it?

“Discipline” and rules around food combined with a life focus on keeping slim/trim/toned can easily tip over into anorexia. That’s not an illness that makes anyone happy or even more attractive.

Slim people are not necessarily healthy eaters, it’s all about calories, so if you eat chocolate bars all day but stop at your calorie limit, you’ll still lose weight.

I’m quite lucky being tall though, my body can take all that abuse. Short people have very little leeway ime

Goat, I tried to only have 1200 calories one day ( I was starting to get out of control with the snacks in lockdown ) and you can't have what I would call a big bowl of porridge and fruit and a large salad for that, never mind dinner as well!

Reasonable amount of porridge, careful with the fruit, salad but very little dressing and no potatoes

Your idea of big meals is clearly different from my idea, which is also about 1/3 the size of my overweight aunt. I need around 1800 to 2000 calories a day to stay steady.

A trick to being slim is seeing as "big" meals that don't have you eating too much. I guess that's why they suggest using small plates so your plate looks heaped up

@LaurieFairyCake

I couldn't eat 800-1000 calories in one meal and I'm obese !

I eat 500 x 3 meals.

Of course you could.

It's interesting to see repeatedly "I'm not that bothered about food," "I eat to live, not live to eat," etc. I think it's true that different people derive different amounts of satisfaction from food (and different types of food!). Whether nature or nurture, it would be interesting to see if/how we could change it.

@queenofknives

Yep an eating disorder is a great way to stay slim.

Why do people automatically assume slim women have eating disorders???? It sounds to me as though these women are instinctively healthy eaters, consuming exactly what their bodies need without giving it any thought.

I'm.almost 50 and weight 10 1/2 stone. When I was younger I could eat what I wanted and was always skinny. I've put a stone on since my mid 30s. I need to watch what I eat or i start heading to 11 stone. With exercise I got down to 9st12 last year but my face looked drawn. I love chocolate and have had to cut it out, I'd easily demolish a large bar of dairy milk.

It's a bit more complicated than calories in/out, what you eat is important. For health, not just body size

I’m not sure about this one though. Obesity itself is a risk factor for so many diseases? It doesn’t matter if you got there by eating junk or by eating healthy food.

Look up the Twinkie diet. Nutrition professor went on a junk food diet but at a lower calorie point.
All his health stats actually improved because he got rid of excess weight despite eating a really nasty diet (he lost a bit over a stone, I think)

I'm not sure you're being fair op saying your slim friends eat like birds. If they're slim (unless they are underweight) they're probably eating the right amount.

I've always maintained roughly the same weight a BMI of 22. But a couple of times in my life I've put on an excess stone which I know was through overeating. Snacking on sweets or crisps every night, too many takeaways, too many snacks, not enough exercise.

I was inspired by a slim friend to shift it. I noticed that she ate delicious food but she didn't snack, just ate 3 square healthy meals, no faddy diets.

I replicated her eating habits and exercised and of course the weight dropped off.

Most of us eat more than we burn off these days.

Those saying life is too short, I think you can enjoy what you want in moderation just not all of it every day. If you take up exercise you're more inclined to eat healthy food to nourish yourself.

I have two friends who eat fairly normally and are very slim. They are both very tall and skinny and have a ‘long’ appearance. I think it’s their body type and they have fast metabolism. They certainly don’t overeat but they eat a fairly standard amount (i clouding crisps with lunch, cake if they fancy it etc), and one exercises a bit but we’re talking one or two short runs per week.

My other skinny friends concern me. They eat very little - often nothing all day and one small meal at night and exist on black coffee. They exercise a lot - more than is healthy, and to them being skinny is everything. They are women in their 30s and 40s who have eating disorders in plain sight but because they are adults and because the eating disorders stop short of full blown anorexia and they maintain a weight of 8 stone or whatever rather than dropping to 5 stone, it is just seen as “taking care of themselves”. But it’s not. It’s not having a small appetite or being careful because the behaviours and obsessions that go with it are destructive and based on a fear of gaining weight. Unfortunately I think a lot of women have these borderline eating disorders because they want to be skinny. It’s not normal to drink black coffee all day then eat one tiny meal in the evening. It’s not normal to make yourself vomit if you’ve eaten a sandwich for lunch and it’s made you feel a bit full, it’s not normal to exercise hard every single day and feel panicky if you have to miss a day because you’re ill or have to be somewhere else. Life shouldn’t be one long diet. Healthy choices and exercise are important but to these women they are their entire life and they get very anxious if they have to deviate from the routine. I find it concerning.

Life is definitely too short. There's more to life than being skinny

Hmmm, but imagine getting up every morning, throwing on your clothes and this willowy, slim person looks back at you in the mirror.
The biggest disappointment for me now I''m overweight (not hugely so probably fixable in say 3 months) is NO clothes look good. My big heavy boobs sag, my middle is shapeless with lumps, I don't look 'nice'.
I think I'll set a date and try to do a 3 week stint of food care to start with.