To be tired of so called food "intolerances" in children when the parent can't explain what symptoms the alleged intolerance produces?

[MrsSchadenfreude]

For the record, I am NOT talking about proper food allergies - coeliac disease, nut allergy etc. DD had some friends round for a sleepover the other week, and one mother said "oh X can't have anything dairy, she is intolerant to it." Fine, I cooked everything with soya milk and veg margarine. Another child was intolerant to wheat, so cakes were all gluten free as well. Gluten intolerant boy also had an intolerance to bananas. Apparently.

Asked parents what the symptoms were of these "intolerances" when children were collected. The wheat boy "bloated a bit after having bread once". Bananas? Apparently the doctor tested for banana intolerance and he was, although had never shown any signs. Dairy child "sometimes gets a tummy ache" if she has cheese. Has she had tests? Oh no. Parents self diagnosis.

Am I being unreasonable to think that this has all gone a bit far, and is used by mothers to show just how "precious" their little one is?

MeMySonandI, why are you so determined that hypochondriacs wrt intolerances don't exist? Many of us have experience that suggests otherwise (though mine is with grown ups rather than their dcs...)

MeMySonandI, apologies if I've offended anyone, that was not my intention but I was NOT talking about genuine cases, in line with the OP and the rest of the posts following on. Yes I have read the thread and I thought others had made it clear that this is about those who are not genuine. Put it this way I have two friends with children, one with a nut allergy, the other with a lactose intolerance. They both get fed up even more than me with another friend who takes it upon herself to blow up any minor indigestion or minute change of behaviour in her son as some new intolerance.

I have known her hypochondria for a long time and now I see it passed on to her child. It was her in fact who made me think of the Munchausens because for a while I though she had it albeit without the by proxy bit.

I'm sorry that you have had to deal with intolerances within your family, I am sympathetic to that as the times I've catered for the genuine friends I don't know how they manage, I find the whole children's diet thing enough of a minefield already.

My brother has both allergies and intolerances. We are not poking fun at people or parents of children with allergies and intolerences.

We are poking fun at people who are allergic or intolerant to things only if they taste bad, or if not enough people are giving them special notice. They are the same people whose headaches come on when someone is displeased with them - doesn't make anyone else's headache less real does it? They are the same people wo go to the doctor demanding acne pills and an NHS skin peel when they have more than three spots. They are hypochondriacs, drama queens, people of hystrionic tendancy - slight nutters.

But we aren't linking them with people who have food intolerances, because that's a completely different subject. They used to complain, 200 years ago, of having a 'nervous disposion', and this was more honest than their list of look-at-me ailments. They have merely picked on food intolerences because it is an easy way to get people to make a fuss without having to produce symptoms.

People with GENUINE food intolerences always seem to be the ones quietly eating something a bit different out of a tupperware box - the drama queen fakers are the ones standing in the middle of the kitchen braying "Oh it hasn't got TOMATO in it, has it? Because I'll be SICK ALL NIGHT if I even TOUCH tomato! I'm SO SORRY, But I HAVE TO LEAVE THE ROOM to get away from it, look, I'm leaving the room, no, LOOK ..."

Yes, I am being very harsh and spiteful. To the people (who do exist, I know) who pretend to have interesting things wrong with them to get attention. Not to the poor buggers who have food intolerences, like my brother, who has to avoid peppers, nuts and all sorts.

Thank you IMHO! You said it so much better than me

Upwind, it is not that I'm determined that "that hypochondriacs wrt intolerances don't exist? "

Actually, I'm taking the trouble of discussing this because the willingnes to blame allergies/intolerances on hypochondria causes that many serious cases slip through the net and are not properly reviewed. In other ocassions, this lack of understanding can have serious consequences as I explained in my post at 21:29

I think it is only fair that in the same way that we demand for people not to tell us about their allergies/intolerances unless properly diagnosed, that we in exchange don't offer judgements on their concern on medical terms when we are not medically prepared for that. By the way you could find more about the over anxious parent problem in the book that I recommended

I apologise for being over sensitive to the water allergy joke, but someone played it on my child and it broke my heart. They could not imagine what DS is going through, and certainly that didn't help.

"People with GENUINE food intolerences always seem to be the ones quietly eating something a bit different out of a tupperware box - the drama queen fakers are the ones standing in the middle of the kitchen braying "Oh it hasn't got TOMATO in it, has it? Because I'll be SICK ALL NIGHT if I even TOUCH tomato! I'm SO SORRY, But I HAVE TO LEAVE THE ROOM to get away from it, look, I'm leaving the room, no, LOOK ..."

I have to say that that is spot on

"I apologise for being over sensitive to the water allergy joke, but someone played it on my child and it broke my heart. They could not imagine what DS is going through, and certainly that didn't help."

Sorry to hear that . Just to make clear though that I wasn't suggesting the OP gets her child to tease the other with an alleged tolerance about it being a water allergy, which I assume is what happened with your son

IMHO is right, it's not about food intolerance, that is just one of many hooks certain unstable people latch on to.

Another friend has a child who she at first claimed he was part deaf, hence his atrocious behaviour and screeching voice. I expressed genuine surprise when she told me and she said "yes well he lipreads very well" and felt really sorry for them both. It was only when I wasn't thinking and talking to him quite softly from a couple of metres away with my back turned and he was responding that I realised he wasn't lipreading at all, he was hearing me. Since then he's had tests for dyspraxia and all sorts in an effort for his mum to explain why he is so horribly behaved, beating friends up, telling her to f off etc.

He's not got any of those things he's simply spoilt and undisciplined from years of being rewarded with chocolate every time he has a tantrum and every time he feels sorry for himself because he's beaten another friend up.

Its obvious from reading the whole of this thread that EVERYONE is in agreement that there are of course, children with genuine, non- life threatening and life threatening food allergies and very debilitating intolerance's to various food stuffs.

It also seems to be agreed by most, if not all, that those who have pseudo allergies and intolerance's cause problems to those with genuine problems to be overlooked.

No one, even the OP was suggesting that it should be 'tested' should a parent tell of these problems just to prove to the parents that they are in-fact precious and possibly suffering some kind of mental health problem attention seeking or otherwise...

I realised from reading the first post that is was meant in a slightly tongue in cheek manner but has brought about quite a debate...

MemysonandI, you appear so intollerant ( no pun intended whatsoever) to those who are clearly just being light hearted and flippant. they are not getting at YOU, they are not having a go at you personally. of course not... Nor does it belittle the things you have had to learn about and overcome with in your life, and seem to cope with amazingly well.

Its clear you have a child with serious food allergies and of course should be taken seriously. however, Just because someone makes a lighthearted or flippant comment does not mean your situation is not respected, or understood.

I cannot see why lighthearted banter should be so incredibly offensive to you, when it is clear that it is all that it is.

I have a disability, which i wont go into here, but, I can take light hearted banter, i can joke with the rest of the world about things relative to it. I feel no need to have a go at anyone who does so...

please dont take this as me having a dig at you either, i dont mean to. Its just an observation really...

Just to add though.. surely all our children ARE precious to us. they are THE most precious things in our lives... the problem is when we dont understand that our OUR children are not the most precious things in other peoples lives...

All we can do as fellow parents, is to listen to a parent who tells us THEIR precious little one cannot eat x, y, and z respect that and ensure that they are not given that. Equally we should exercise common sense when it comes to asking another carer to acknowledge certain food issues.

i.e. If its a case of DD or DS not liking something, then say that, or, maybe even leave it up to your child to not eat it....

if its a case that there truly are symptoms or side effects from certain foods, then I think it only fair that the carer is made aware of such things so they know what to look out for god forbid should our DS/DD accidentally ingest something... or even, have a reaction to something new that is not on the list...

in my opinion its as important as telling a carer that your child has epilepsy or diabetes and what to do incase of emergency...

anyway.. i appear to have gone on and on... hope i've not managed to offend anyone, not my intention at all

i'll get me coat now... ;)

SusieCutie, thanks for your long post, no need really.

I have explained why I felt sensitive to the water joke. I'm rather numb at the subject after dealing with it for such a long time, but felt the need to explain why I found disregarding concerns a serious problem.

And probably I'm also in argumentative mode today, for which I apologise. I have actually enjoyed participating in this thread

Deludinoid... no problem either

I didnt see your post on the water until after i had posted...

I hadnt intended such a long post, which looks longer with double spacing due to not wearing glassed and not being able to read what i was writing!!!

I honestly wasnt having a dig at you.

Just remembered something i wanted to add re hypochondriacs.. .. I had a patient who was actually one of the healthiest on the ward at this particular time in question. She did need to be in, but had few needs in comparison to most of the other ladies on the ward.anyway..

I went to give her her inhaler one morning and she insisted that it didnt work for her. I checked, and doubled checked and asked why it wasn't working today, as i had given it the day before as had all the other nurses for weeks etc... she started shouting at me telling me i had given her the wrong thing. I was mortified, checked checked again and again.

Nope, right medication. Turns out after much heated debate I had given her salbutamol the generic name for ventolin. according to patient, only ventolin worked for her. despite me explaining the whole 'if you had a plastic bag with gucci written on it, it wouldn't actually be any better than a plastic bag with tescos written on it, just more expensive' analogy... nothing worked,. she self discharged to go home so she could be treated by her GP who really understood her problems and at least treated her with the correct medication

I bet she has odd, disappearing allergies too.

susiecutie, that was my mil you had in your ward! I had a heated argument with her once because she said she could only have Nurofen when I offered her an Asda ibuprofen tablet (for headache brought on my dcs )

I was in dd's school hall the other day and there was a list of children with allergies on the wall. It was quite upsetting, as some of them were very serious.

But at the bottom was 'Miranda', who 'screams and tries to be sick if she doesn't like something'. I think I do that if I see liver and kidney.

IMHO- kiwi isn't a strange allergy, its actually one of the most common! I get mouth ulcers if a tiny bot of the skin gets in my mouth by mistake, and mouth swelling hence it doesn't come in the house, far easier.

I understand about why Memysonandi is getting defensive actually, I think. Clearly the OP is talking about poelpe with fake intolerances BUT yes, i've experienced my sister thinking I do it for attention- and do wonder if the views are repeated they will gain more credence than the tolerance option. For example, there's a post firther down about a Mum whose child misbehaves and ahs been tested fro dyspraxia.... immediately on reading it my hackles rose as my DS1 behaves like that and its not lack of discipline (quite the opposite- i'm a hard bitch!- it's asd. I know in my head and my heart that the poster meant nothing about my ds1 at all, yret I have heard so damned often 'oh waht's he behaving like that ofr, don't you do discipline' that one gets sick of it, and one develops an automatic response that is indeed defensive. You only have to witness how amny Mn threads go tits up becasuse of this to see how it can happen.

It really is a bit of a conundrum- do we spread the word about intolerances (as opposed to allergies which people I think mainly are aware of) or do we keep the dissentrers voives down even when they have a point, so as not to fuel the idiots who will use it against your child? Can you see what I mean?

Just as an example- ds3 threw the bread on the floor when we got up this morning so there were no sarnies today, therefore all the boys ahve gone school dinenrs. tahts OK, Wednesday is roast day and GF as longa s no gravy is taken. but often i have to send them school dinners because I have been so sick during this pg that i haven't been able to prepare a lunch- and the school refuses to monitor what intolerant kids eat, only allergic children get that. gluten inparticular ahs a huge efect on DS1's behaviours (the casein is mroe of a physical diarrhoea action) but they won't stop him eating cake, sweets etc- then we get letters home about his behaviurs. becasue intolerances dont count.

I am waffling. Sorry!

I'm intolerant

to people with "intolerances".
Just call your kid a fussy eater and be done with it.

(Allergies - fine I can deal with before you all flame me)

OK claricebeansmum, next time DS1 is given milk shall I allow you to dal with the diarrhoea and pain? or is that in his imagination?

clarice, read the definition of an intolerance further down.

this "debate" is so sad, because it means that anyone who can't tolerate some food, for any reason (allergy, unable to digest etc) now has to justify themselves all the time.

And many of you "intolerant to intolerances" people arent even interested in hearing my explanation, it is just easier to label me as a trouble-making hypochondriac.

For gods sake, its bad enough being ill, and having to forgo pleasures that everyone else around you is enjoying, without being blamed as well.

This thread is fascinating because it encapsulates why it is impossible dealing with a child with real allergies. My daughter has had anaphylactic reactions to milk and is also probably severely allergic to wheat, eggs and sesame.

I know none of this thread is about cases like her but it means I understand where MeMySonAndI is coming from - when it dominates your life like this and causes every social occasion to be laced by fear it is impossible to take the joke. Any attempt to 'out' a false allergy is, IHMO, about as funny as deliberately giving an immunosuppressed child a cold, to see if they really are very sick.

claricebeansmum - it is interesting that it irritates you so much that there is inconsistency re. your homemade shortbread vs jaffa cakes etc. Why not ask your friend what the differences are?

It may turn out to have an entirely logical reason - if a child is intolerant to milk sometimes the more processed the milk, the safer. So a jaffa cake may well be ok, whereas very buttery homemade shortbread may not (although much nicer and tastier). And whilst I have never fed my child McDonalds, actually their fries are completely safe for her (very rare as what people without allergies don't realise is that everything is laced with egg, milk, nuts etc) whereas a spoonful of homemade lasagne would be a disaster.

I actually completely agree that the words allergy and intolerance are bandied around with no real rationale. It makes life impossible for those of us who deal with life threatening problems. But the level of anger that this subject elicits is interesting.I spend my whole life explaining what DD can't have, to be met by varying levels of sneering, eye rolling or blatant scepticism. When I get this reaction from family or so called friends, it often reduces me to tears (in private...).

But even those who have less serious situations have a right to be heard. I actually feel that allergens in the rubbish processed food that most of us eat may well cause some problems in lots and lots of children - maybe they don't stop breathing but it can still affect lives.

Perhaps talking to each other and trying to help is the way forward; if it doesn't affect you or your family at then you are very very lucky. There is much we don't understand about allergy and intolerance, and people are often hostile about things they don't understand.

Sorry, long post - but it is a subject close to my heart!

if jaffa cakes are ok and home made shortbread isnt, then its probably milk intolerance.

jaffa cakes may have traces of milk (mcvities have skimmed milk in the recipe, iirc, but tesco cheap ones dont).
shortbread will be loaded with butter.

so, claricesmum, maybe it is your own conceptions of what food is healthy that are wrong.....?

Food not agreeing with you is hardly groundbreaking and new - that's the point. You have symptoms from eating it thus dont eat it. Why the need for a trendy 'intolerance' label?

Allergies obviously altogether different.

Sorry, haven't had time to read all the repl;ies to this thread but God, yes, i get annoyed with this, and it's not just children who have these 'intolerances'. I have multiple friends with 'wheat intolerance' or 'dairy intolerance'(yeh, whatever), and I have never heard f somebody coming back from one of those allergy testing things without a least one intolerance. It's a complete and utter load of bollocks.

Do you really think all children with intolerances have amde them up? (or their aprents?). Intolerances can bemedically diagnosed you know! Some Asians for example lack the protein to digest lactose. That's nto imagination, it just is.

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