To be tired of so called food "intolerances" in children when the parent can't explain what symptoms the alleged intolerance produces?

[MrsSchadenfreude]

For the record, I am NOT talking about proper food allergies - coeliac disease, nut allergy etc. DD had some friends round for a sleepover the other week, and one mother said "oh X can't have anything dairy, she is intolerant to it." Fine, I cooked everything with soya milk and veg margarine. Another child was intolerant to wheat, so cakes were all gluten free as well. Gluten intolerant boy also had an intolerance to bananas. Apparently.

Asked parents what the symptoms were of these "intolerances" when children were collected. The wheat boy "bloated a bit after having bread once". Bananas? Apparently the doctor tested for banana intolerance and he was, although had never shown any signs. Dairy child "sometimes gets a tummy ache" if she has cheese. Has she had tests? Oh no. Parents self diagnosis.

Am I being unreasonable to think that this has all gone a bit far, and is used by mothers to show just how "precious" their little one is?

[MeMySonAndI]

If I always went into detail into what my son can eat or not, people would panic of having a child passing away on their kitchen floor and would never invite him again (actually it's already happening). But as I said, we always say we are bringing his food, some people are nice enough to insist in cooking for him not knowing that by doing so we get stressed about the idea of having to check the ingredients one by one to see if nothing that can kill him has slip into the pan. Which is unfortunately very uncomfortable for all involved.

Unfortunately, you can't read people's minds, you can't foresee what they are thinking of cooking so yes, sometimes you have to say "I'm sorry but he can't have that" and really, it is not as if you can allow your nut allergic child to eat amaretto biscuits or almond cake just to avoid offending the host. Having said that, I found it extremely uncomfortable to tell the host what or what they can not do in their own houses. We know a woman who knowing how allergic DS is, decided to serve all the children bread with nutella when DS was around. If a single child had touched DS after touching the nutela, DS would have gone out of the house in an ambulance, so yes, said woman may be thinking we are paranoid precious parents... precious maybe, paranoid? definitively! but if a nut can kill your child? who wouldn't be?

Regarding Gogogojo's comment: "In the olden days a food intolerance was just known as a certain food not agreeing with you. Done. Dusted. Get Over It. "

Unfortunately, allergies and intolerances are quite more common than they were in the past, and they are more serious than simple food disagreement. There is a dramatic increase on the number of people who have allergy/intolerance problems. Although many can blame it on over precious parents, the truth is that you can not fake an anaphylactic reaction, and those have multiplied in an alarming rate in the last 10 years... so I asume the statistics should be right. There should be more to this epidemy than over anxious parents.

[PeachyFleshCrawlingWithBugs]

MeMySonAndI- I agree that thee things are becoming mroe common, lots of disorders are. For example, if (and although i say yes I know not everyone is convicned) ASd is caused / exaccerbated by gf/cf intolerances in some kids, that migt just ewxplain why ASd is shooting the roof (I quoted 1 in 88 recently only to be told by gess, who knows about These Things, that the figure is even higher now).
As I note that the 2 who have the ASD also are the two with gf/cf diets, and are the two who suffer with eczma, I see a link in them.

[MeMySonAndI]

The problem is, PeterDuck, how to separate the real cases from those that are not real. ie. We know that DS has had something with dairy if 4 things are present: bloated painful tummy, puffed face (without the redness), wheezing that gets worse as the day goes by and lots of asthmatic coughing as night arrives which require use of inhaler. The only immediate reaction is the bloated tummy, which is highly likely to be missed by most people anyway as the tummy is covered with clothes and DS won't go to complain of pain to them, he will only avoid moving, so yes, we are likely to be judged as overreacting parents... now if they were with us at night while trying to keep the astma under control they would think different.

[Pitchounette]

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[Pitchounette]

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[snowleopard]

I agree with OP too. It is not belittling real sufferers to say that there are a lot of drama queens with made-up allergies/intolerances out there, and who make them up on behalf of their kids. Munchhausen's syndrome, where you want to be ill to get attention, is probably a sliding scale and these people seem to be on the mild end of it. It really annoys me too. My sister's partner is a classic example - she insists you get in loads of special soy or rice milk when she comes to stay because she is "lactose-intolerant" but then when you go out to eat she doesn't seem to give a fig - it's just about making you run rings around her. Oh and she will shovel in milk chocolate by the bucketload. She also claims to be allergic to anything with pine in it, so you can't have pine toilet cleaner or a real christmas tree if she's in the house. (oh but the fact that most furniture is made of pine escapes her notice) My arse! For her it is just about being the centre of attention. There really are people like this and it's time someone raised it.

[snowleopard]

Oh and I should add that it may not always be the fault of the "sufferer" that they think they have an intolerance when they don't. Any charlatan can set themselves up as a nutritional consultant and make a living from telling people they're intolerant to this that and the other. Not to say that they are all charlatans, but it's pretty likely that some are, since you don't need any official qualifications or medical knowledge.

[MeMySonAndI]

That is very true, I would suggest those people who really believe that somebody could be inclined to follow a restricted diet out of a whim to do the following experiment:

After coming back from the supermarket with the weekly shopping check the labels looking for milk which could also be hidden as casein, caseinates, hydrolysed casein, whey, lactose, or lactalbumin.

You would be surprised at how many things you wouldn't be able to eat.

Now, if you decide to check for soya (Textured vegetable protein, vegetable protein, lecithin, vegetable starch, vegetable gum, and anything with the word soya in it) you are very likely to realise that the only thing you can eat from your shopping are the raw fruits and vegetables you got.

Who would like to go into such trouble if a change couldn't be seen? my guess is nobody. Far too much hasle on a day to day basis.

[MeMySonAndI]

And I was not refering to Snowleopard's post in my last post.

Fortunately, she knows better and can easily identify when an intolerance sufferer is a fake one or the parent is suffering from Munchaussen syndrome by proxy even when the only qualification she has in either subject is that her friend doesn't look bothered at restaurants.

[Upwind]

Snowleapord- I blame a lot of the nonsense cases on genuine anxiety and paranoia induced by self styled "nutritionists", at least one of whom will go so far as to have an underling delete factual information on Wikipedia.

As far as I am concerned people like that are evil, making money from our fears. Sources like the ones MyMySonandI mentioned are a world away from the poorly researched and agenda laden rubbish that most of us rely on.

(thanks for those btw, I have always wanted to read up on this subject!)

[WeaselMum]

my aunt swears that she is intolerant to water

water FFS

Apparently if she has too much of it it gives her a bloated feeling. She is truly barking, bless her.

[snowleopard]

I can't necessarily easily identify it, of course I can't. But I don't think it's so terrible to raise an eyebrow when someone makea a huge fuss about not being able to have milk and then eats cheese sauce and cream in a restaurant and eats milk chocolate? What would you conclude from that? Why are you so sure that this phenomenon cannot exist? - many people on this thread have obviously encountered it. Just because you are genuine, doesn't mean it's impossible that some people are doing it for attention and don't really have a problem.

[kickassangel]

MIL is apparently 'allergic' to vinegar - she says it makes her violently sick straight away.
Unfortunately, she didn't mention this for the first 9 years we were married, and I KNOW I gave her things with vinegar ina sauce, but no allergic reaction.
Show her a bottle of something she knows has vinegar in, and she backs away, covering her mouth, pulling a face and other attention seeking devices. Strangley, dh has no recollection of her allergy when he was growing up, but she wouldn't let him have tomato ketchup because it was 'common'.
seriously, some people DO make things up because they like the attention.

[welliemum]

What makes this all so complicated is that it's not like a computer programme, ie if I give this child X, then Y will happen. It's all so poorly understood. There are probably loads of other factors detrmining whether someone reacts or not. So if someone can eat a certain food in some forms but not others, I'd still give them the benefit of the doubt.

That said, I did know someone who reacted to a particular food only if she was aware she'd eaten it, and didn't react at all if she accidentally ate it without realising, eg mixed in with other stuff. But that person had a raft of other problems and seemed to "need" to be intolerant in a way. It irritated me at the time, but now, thinking back, I feel more sympathetic as she clearly wasn't happy.

[MeMySonAndI]

Snowleopard, I understand that, the problem is there is no way to know if the parents are genuine, and unfortunately, the disbelief can have serious consequences:

Have I mentioned that in the past, people have given foods to DS, that DS is allergic/intolerant to, to prove to us that nothing will happen? Bloody idiocy of those who decided they knew better than the parents and decided to have a go at proving us wrong. MAny parents of children with dietary restrictions can give examples of those times someone gave something to the child thinking you wouldn't notice, even things that would endanger your child's life.


So yes, YANBU in getting annoyed, but please please please don't dismiss people straight away, actually, never dismiss them just in case. Intolerances are quite a complex subject to understand as every case presents slightly different, and believe me, if you find it annoying to deal with from time to time, imagine how difficult it could be for someone who has to live with that 24/7.

There is an explnantion further down the thread on why some people can not have milk but can eat cheese without problem.

[welliemum]

FWIW though, snowleopard, what you're describing doesn't sound much like a milk allergy.

[MeMySonAndI]

Well, actually, there are ways to know if the parents are genuine, but unfortunately those resources are hardly available to a doctor, forget about them being readily available to the general public.

[welliemum]

at MeMySonAndI about people giving the wrong thing to your DS, that is really beyond the pale.

I agree about cheese - processing the protein seems to make it easier to deal with. But there's loads of milk protein in milk chocolate so I'm a bit about anyone who can't deal with milk but can deal with chocolate or cream.

[kickassangel]

btw, in spite of my scepticism about MIL 'allergy' (note - more serious than intolerance) i do not give her anything with vinegar in, although she loves my home made pizza (which used to have a bit of vinegar in the sauce) and adores home made meringue - and cooks it herself with vinegar in. Apparently, thoug, just the smell of it makes her uncontrollably and immediately sick for many hours. (SO how does she cook with it?) Feel very sorry for people with genuine problems, it is at best a real PITA, and at worst life threatening (my niece is one of those) but I do feel a bit of MIL and her self-diagnosed allergy, which seems to only kick in when she needs attention.

[InMyHumbleOpinion]

I have a friend who is allergic to tomatoes.

well, she always was, so of course I never gave her tomatoes, as you just don't do you?

Turns out that "I'm only allergic to them in salads, they're ok in sandwiches."

People like that give people with real alleries a very bad name. (and I have a real allergy to kiwifruit, as absurd as that does sound)

[snowleopard]

Cheese sauce is mostly milk. I know cheese itself is less of a problem for people with lactose intolerance.

I would never, ever "put someone to the test" even if I did suspect they were attention-seeking (I have been sorely tempted in SIL's case and I have fantasised about tying a pine branch under her bed for several days before revealing it to her but i wouldn't do it - it would be cruel apart from anything else, but also I would never do it just in case it caused harm.)

It is true that people who do it for attention - if they do indeed exist - often seem to be those with ishoos of various kinds and who need to feel important, and although it can be extraordinarily irritiating I should remember that it's not their fault they have that need.

[Deludinoid]

No you're not. I think some parents use this to make their children special somehow and also as an "easy answer" to behavourial problems but it does also tie in with our increasingly health obsessed society.

Make up some completely random intolerance for your child like a water allergy for next time they go round to their friends.

No, don't actually that would be a bit cruel.

[Deludinoid]

Actually it's a bit Munchausens by Proxy isn't it but without the awkward pretending your child actually has symptoms in place.

[MeMySonAndI]

Perhaps if you have read the full thread you would realise how ignorant your post is and how painful your words are to some of us.