To sell my DDs tablet and the switch?

[SolutionsforScreens]

DD is 5, almost 6. Year 1.

I am strict with screentime and usually it’s not a problem, 45 minutes twice in the week and 90 minutes 1 weekend day. Usually it’s no problem with no arguments in the week as 2 nights a week she has activities and 1 night a week she goes to after school club, another night she’s at ExHs but has her own there so isn’t actually off it. Weekends were always trickier as she’s only here EOW but I’d compromise with her and we’d go swimming or she’d have a party of a school friend or we’d go out for a walk etc. so she wouldn’t have it until after dinner on Sundays. She has her own tablet purely because I don’t have one and I don’t really want her on my computer or phone. It’s completely locked down; childrens youtube with selected channels, no ability to download or purchase anything etc. (I can do these things for her if needed).

She was only allowed on the switch at weekends for half an hour (parental controls on that thing are amazing) and she’d lose half an hour on her tablet if she chose to go on the switch.

During the lockdown I was less strict with it, she had to do any English or Maths work recommended by school, and read to me from our collection of ORT books but then she could have 90 minutes per day doing whatever on the tablet. She was also allowed 1 hour twice a week on the switch.

She returned to school at the start of June. Every morning she tells me (not asks) that she is going on her tablet or the switch after school, if I tell her no because we’re doing playdoh or baking or watching a film together she screams at me saying she hates me and she wants to live with her dad. She tells me she hates me I’m horrible and that dad is much nicer. She kicks off if it’s bedtime and has been known when the parental controls kick in on either the tablet or the switch to thrown the device shouting it’s not fair. She’s told her teacher at school that I’m mean for not letting her go on “whenever she wants” (thankfully her teacher has 2 DCs slightly older and is strict on their screentime so gets it), she’s also told the same teacher that when she goes to high school she’s living with her dad. She sometimes refuses to go to school until I promise she can play them after school, if I say no I have to drag her in kicking and screaming shouting that I'm not her mum and she hates me.

ExH lets DD do whatever she wants, stay up until whenever, no restrictions on screentime, doesn’t feed her proper meals just lets her eat sweets or gets a takeaway, never takes her anywhere. Pretty sure he doesn’t have any toys for her at his house. He has her EOW for 24 hours and 1 night a week for tea and I know on the night she’s there for tea she comes back grumpy, shouty and not wanting to go to bed. I know he also lets her play on whatever she wants to whereas I only let her play games rated Pegi 7 or below on switch and recommended for up to age 8 on tablet. Often when I pick her up on his weekend she falls asleep in the car (he lives 20 minutes’ drive from me).

In terms of screentime I’m one of the more relaxed parents about it in her class, most of her friends only go on tablets at school and the ones that use them at home get an hour at the weekend only. One of her best friends isn’t even allowed to watch TV (I have that on constantly for company mainly but forget to switch it off so DD watches it) and her mum gets upset if she finds out she’s been on a tablet or computer at school.

I don’t really want to get rid of the switch as I also play it (for an hour or so a day once DDs in bed I go on one of my consoles) but if I have to I will as I also have a PS4 but DD doesn’t play on that (she knows what it is though and uses it as a DVD player) although I do play games only available on the switch (Animal Crossing, Cooking Mama etc) so would be sad to sell it but I think it’s the only way to stop DD behaving like a spoilt brat.

Any other solutions I’m at my wits end with it?

YANBU - Sell the devices
YABU - Don't sell

[SleepingStandingUp]

@underneaththeash

I’m amazed at some of the responses on here. Of course you need to limit screen time AND content, parents need to actually parent their children.

You don’t need to sell them, just put them away. Make it clear that unless she behaves, there is no screen time. Marbles in a jar may work.

I agree a 5 yo shouldn't be allowed on the tablet anc switch day and night but the random 45 minutes here and hour here and different rules here and there clearly isn't helping, and op buying into the same script every morning is just sending them in circles

[rosiejaune]

YABU for having the television on so much (especially when you then think she shouldn't want screen time, when you are setting that example). Use a radio/podcast/audiobook if you want background noise.

In fact, if you allow her unlimited time for audiobooks on her tablet, that might satisfy her anyway without extra screen time.

[Smegmaballet]

Yanbu I'd do the same. She's 5 she doesnt need screen time

[VoldemortsMaid]

My DD is 6 and we've ever really restricted her screen time. Never had to. If we ask her to pause/come off something she comes off and it's no big deal.

I know it's totally child and personality dependent but I do sometimes think being strict with screens can lead to kids getting agitated when they have to come off because they know it'll be a whole day/few days before they can get back on. DD comes off hers instantly with no fuss as she knows once she's done chores/spending time with us she can get back to what she was doing.

Two hours a week is a bit unreasonable. If she's playing any of the popular games just now that DD plays (Pokemon, Luigis mansion, animal crossing etc) then a couple of hours twice a week is pointless and she won't have enough time to properly enjoy a game.

[SleepingStandingUp]

@Smegmaballet

Yanbu I'd do the same. She's 5 she doesnt need screen time

Every single piece of DS's school work has been online and I don't mean to be printed out, I mean on the online app. He's in reception so I'd argue functional it skills which come as part of screen time are important even at this age
Not to mention what the Storybots on YouTube have taught him...

[saraclara]

being strict with screens can lead to kids getting agitated when they have to come off because they know it'll be a whole day/few days before they can get back on. DD comes off hers instantly with no fuss as she knows once she's done chores/spending time with us she can get back to what she was doing.

That makes a lot of sense. Again, what you're doing is making her stressed.

[BeingATwatItsABingThing]

@underneaththeash

I’m amazed at some of the responses on here. Of course you need to limit screen time AND content, parents need to actually parent their children.

You don’t need to sell them, just put them away. Make it clear that unless she behaves, there is no screen time. Marbles in a jar may work.

I do parent my child. I just parent differently to you. I don’t limit screen time and, currently, I don’t have to. We have restricted what my DD can access though.

My child is well-behaved, thoughtful, sociable, funny, engaged with home-schooling and with her toys. She knows the iPad will still be there later so she doesn’t freak out at the thought of it being taken away.

[Fatted]

I am curious about people's attitudes towards banning 'screens'. Especially when they have the TV on constantly. I am by my own admission pretty lax with it. DH and I enjoy gaming which is probably part of it. We are not homicidal maniacs, but working and contributing members of society. Both keyworkers in fact. I watch little TV incidentally and prefer to read.

The way I see it is that life is different to when I grew up and computers and tablets etc are part of everyday life now. They need to be able to work these things in the workplace and to function as an adult now. Surely it puts them at an advantage to be able to use them at a young age.

I monitor what my kids play. They do not play online. We do have the parental controls on the switches (yes they have one each!). They mainly play minecraft and animal crossing. They do schoolwork first before going on them. We go out for a long walk every day. They play out in the back garden and we're doing more days out now as places open etc. Everythng in moderation.

[SolutionsforScreens]

After a think last night I'm going to change how often she has it.

I do think the 45 minutes is too short even though I play for an hour at most (don't have great concerntration).

I'm going to stop her playing on nights she's been at school as it's just not working. Instead she can have up to 2 hours at a time no more than twice per day on days she's not in school but:-

• I must not hear any reports of poor behaviour from school (including no talking when the teacher is, following SDing, staying on neutral or higher on the behaviour chart i.e. not going down the chart only up)
• English and Maths Homework (or online learning) must be done first before I will unblock the tablet for anything else
• All chores must be started within 15 minutes of me asking and I'll give a warning to say it needs to be done
• No tablets/switch at the table but they can be left on/paused while we eat

I'm also going to tell her when the 5 minute warning flashes up on the switch/tablet and also on my phone to give her chance to save and come off but won't cut her off suddenly so she can finish. Most switch games auto save but I'll still let her save so she knows it's done.

Is that fair?

[SleepingStandingUp]

I'd give a 15 minute warning as well, 5 minutes is barely anything

[Nanny0gg]

15 minute warning yes. And take headphones off for tablet. You'll be able to communicate then.

What 'chores' by the way? (pejorative term. Don't use it to her. Jobs or helping better in my view)

[NoIDontWatchLoveIsland]

You are inconsistent.

The tv is a screen just like a tablet. If you need to have it on constantly "for company" you are as addicted as she is. Can't you just have the radio on if you need a bit of background noise?

[NoIDontWatchLoveIsland]

Ps I wouldnt sell it, but tbh you've opened the can of worms letting a 5 year old play on one in the first place. My niece only got one aged 10 and her 5 year old brother has never been allowed near it.