Deceased grandmother's jewelery

[Cheeseaandbiscuits]

Looking for opinions on this situation.
Elderly lady has recently died and her jewelery is being divided between female family, one daughter and six granddaughters.
As she did not specify who was to have what, it's for the family to decide. Majority of the jewellery is of little financial value but very sentimental, either she had most her life or were past down from her mother/grandmother.

The part I'm looking for opinions on comes down to the granddaughters. They are all adults. The lady had a close relationship with three of them and when they got older they would visit her frequently, make meals for her when she was ill etc. The other three didn't give her the time of day at all. She always got them a gift at birthday's and Christmas and never got a word of thanks. They chose never to visit her off their own backs, and when they were suggested to do so when she had little time left to live they wouldn't, nor when she was in hospital extremely ill. They knew it was now or never and chose never.

Do you think that the three granddaughters who chose not to be in her life are entitled to some of her jewellery collection now she's passed away?

YABU - they should still get
YANBU - they shouldn't get

[FlamingoQueen]

I would speak to the deserving family members first and let them choose the pieces they would like. Then ask the others.

[AllsortsofAwkward]

Were the girls who visited more their grandmothers daughter daughters and the girls who didnt visit as much the grandmothers sons daughter by any chance?

[Ethelfleda]

It never fails to amaze me then people are so invested in who gets what when someone passes away. It’s the deceased person’s wishes. End of story. You don’t ‘earn’ an inheritance by being the one that visits most of the one that does the most for someone. It doesn’t work that way.
You spend time with someone when they’re alive because you want to. Because they are your family and because you want them to feel like someone cares. Not so you can feel guilt free in taking some of their jewellery when they’ve passed.

And if I seem like you have hit a nerve, it’s because you have as my beloved grandmother passed away this week.

[mummmy2017]

I would get the whole lot valued.
Then the Daughter chooses which piece she would like.
Then ask the GD's who were there which they would like.
Ask the final GD if they want anything, and if say all the items left total £150, and any GD say no, give them £50 and got back down the first order of giving.
Anything left just sell and put the money back in total assets.

[Ethelfleda]

Divided it out equally. Dont create a family rift over costume jewellery

This. Except I’d go further and say don’t create a family rift over any jewellery or other possessions regardless of what they’re worth.

[Daisydoesnt]

I’m a bit surprised at the method of dividing granny’s jewellery. If there are sons with spouses/ partners, would they not want to inherit something? I know I was lucky enough to be left my DHs paternal grandmothers engagement ring and it’s the most special & treasured piece of jewellery I have, after my own.

If the adult children then want to pass down to their own children, that’s up to them. And if the items are not of value, I cannot see how grandchildren that weren’t interested in granny are going to be in the least interested in her not-valuable jewellery.

[Bagelsandbrie]

Are you sure she didn’t have debts / other things she needed to pay back?

When my mum died in 2019 without a will we had to get everything valued and then when we sold her house we had to use some of that to pay of her debts first (credit cards etc) and then the rest came to me as her only child. I would imagine jewellery - if of some value- would count towards assets so you may need to get this valued and include it and then it may be split between the children.

[Soontobe60]

@Cheeseaandbiscuits

If she didn't have a will stating that it should be split between family members then it shouldn't be split between family members at all?!

Just pop it all in the bin then shall they?
I despair!

If there is no will, then the laws of intestacy should be followed, so her husband gets everything, or if he's deceased it gets split between her surviving children.
If she made it clear that she wanted her jewellery split between the children / grandchildren, that that would be a nice thing to do. Are you the daughter? Or one of the granddaughters? If her husband is still alive, he decides how it's split because it's now his.
Who is actually making the decision?

[rookiemere]

If the jewellery has no financial value, then I'm not sure why this is even an issue. Contact all the GDs and ask if they want anything to remember her by. The ones who are close are the only ones who are likely to respond, and even then may not have any sentimental ties to the jewellery.

[Buttonsorbows]

Follow her wishes and know that they have the right thing

[Bouledeneige]

Beyond all the legal debate I would firmly suggest that jewellery was divided equally between grandchildren. To do otherwise would be divisive and could cause lasting rifts. In the past my family had long term feuds based on inheritance that last two generations. It's not worth it.

My DM when she died gave each child a specified gem ring and then a set out in her will a good system for sharing out the rest of her jewellery. Imagine she had 4 children A,B,C,D. The order of choosing was:
A,B,C,D, D,C,B,A
It worked very well.

[knittingaddict]

YABU. An inheritance is not ‘earned’, though I seem to be in a minority in believing this.

I agree with this to some extent. Unless the circumstances are extreme (mass murdering in the family) I do think splitting everything evenly is the best thing to do. If someone helps more than others while you are still alive then by all means reward them for that if you wish, while you are still here.

[CakeandCoffeeQueen]

I would
Let the three Involved pick what they wanted and choose one or two bits for the three that weren’t bothered.

[BillysMyBunny]

Are the granddaughters all sisters or are they cousins? I think that makes a bit of a difference. If the 3 who bothered and the 3 who didn’t are from 2+ different families it makes it look like one set of grandchildren are being favoured over the others. If granddaughters across both groups are immediate family to each other then it seems a bit more reasonable to prioritise the 3 who actually bothered as it doesn’t look like a specific family is being favoured.

[Starbuggy]

If she wanted it split but didn’t specify how then they should all get something but her daughter and the granddaughters who she was close to should get first pick/the majority of items

[Standandwait]

Just to remind you all, wills generally only specify financial assets and real property (houses, land). Jewellery, furniture, art etc are not usually included in the will itself unless they are exceptionally valuable, like the family's diamond tiara -- in which cases, in the UK, there's often a tendency for the tiara to go with the aristocratic title. But it's not unusual to write a separate letter of wishes about things like jewellery and sentimental items, sign it and keep it with the will. Not only does this save family fighting, but if fighting does ensue, the courts do take such letters seriously.

I agree with those who point out that the sons should also be remembered, especially if they have daughters who might inherit the jewellery. I have no sister, and inherited some of my mother's things, which I have already promised will go to my brothers' daughters. And yes, that's in writing too.

[isadoradancing123]

No, if they never visited her why would they be sentimental about a keepsake from her, such hypocricy