Deceased grandmother's jewelery

[Cheeseaandbiscuits]

Looking for opinions on this situation.
Elderly lady has recently died and her jewelery is being divided between female family, one daughter and six granddaughters.
As she did not specify who was to have what, it's for the family to decide. Majority of the jewellery is of little financial value but very sentimental, either she had most her life or were past down from her mother/grandmother.

The part I'm looking for opinions on comes down to the granddaughters. They are all adults. The lady had a close relationship with three of them and when they got older they would visit her frequently, make meals for her when she was ill etc. The other three didn't give her the time of day at all. She always got them a gift at birthday's and Christmas and never got a word of thanks. They chose never to visit her off their own backs, and when they were suggested to do so when she had little time left to live they wouldn't, nor when she was in hospital extremely ill. They knew it was now or never and chose never.

Do you think that the three granddaughters who chose not to be in her life are entitled to some of her jewellery collection now she's passed away?

YABU - they should still get
YANBU - they shouldn't get

[BluePheasant]

I think if the items are of sentimental value rather than monetary then it's even more important that they go to the children/grandchildren who valued their time with her. They are more likely to be kept and treasured rather than eventually ending up in a charity shop.

[ConstanceSalinger]

With an aunt who died with no children and no arrangements for personal effects my mum had the jewelry valued, even though 95% was costume or faux pearls etc. She then paid the valuatio to the

[ConstanceSalinger]

Tut, she paid the valuation in cash to the estate, think it was like £50 tops, and then we all chose something we liked.

[TimeWastingButFun]

If it were me then I would quietly ask the ones who spent time with her to have first choices (eldest first choose first thing, second eldest next,etc then back to the first, and so on. Save some pieces for the others (only this time not at the house) so they don't feel totally cut off. As long as you are totally sure they didn't care rather than that they couldn't for some reason.

[WantToBeMum]

If there is no will and she didn't actually specify her wishes for the jewellery, I think it should be split equally between all of her children - not between the daughter and granddaughters. Her son(s) may want to keep something themselves and/or choose something to gift to their wife or children. My dad has my grandmother's wedding ring, he obviously doesn't wear it but it means a lot to him to have it.
When it comes to inheritance, everyone should be considered equal unless a will specifies otherwise. Those granddaughters who helped out got their grandmother's love and time in exchange for their efforts. I'm sure they didn't do it with the hope of receiving jewellery.

[Deadringer]

@BlueSuffragette

I'd let the daughter choose a piece of it first then let the 3 granddaughters who were close to her pick a piece each and then finally let the less close 3 have their turn.

This is exactly what i would do.

[hadtojoin]

@Lovelydovey

I would let the closest three have first choice but otherwise divide equally.

This

[Euclid]

Under the rules of intestacy (dying without a will), on the assumption that she was a widow, her estate will be divided between her surviving children with the children of a predeceased child taking their deceased parent's share. The relatives entitled to her estate under those rules can decide who is to get what.

[1forAll74]

The grand daughters who cared, should have the jewellery. You often find, that people have this wanting of things, when a person has died, despite not caring so much about the deceased person. If they make a fuss, they need to be aware of their previous behaviour.

[JaniceWebster]

Divide the jewellery equally by CHILDREN. Then each child can divide equally between their own children, the grand-daughters.

No, the grand-daughters are not entitled to anything DIRECTLY, they should get their share from what is received by their parent.

I'd make packs of similar value for each child. People are free to swap later.

[MrsToothyBitch]

I'd discreetly let the 3 more involved GDDs pick ahead of the other 3, unless anyone has any particular items that they've always expressed a desire for- I'd probably try to honour that if it's possible without causing discord, since my family has always tried to do that. My cousin always wanted our DGMs engagement ring- had done from loving it as a child, we all knew this and she duly received it. I wasn't overly invested in choosing at the time but was still grateful to have ended up with two rings from DGM- they're precious.

Threads like this make me relieved to be an only child though. I can't imagine splitting my DMs jewels up- and she's told me not to be pressured into giving away anything I don't want to.

[JaniceWebster]

I'd love to know why men, sons and grandsons, don't seem entitled to anything according to some posters.

?

[Waveysnail]

Divided it out equally. Dont create a family rift over costume jewellery

[SiaPR]

You say it is sentimental only (no real value) how many faux pearl necklaces does anyone need to remember/honour granny? Just divide it up equally.

[Daftodil]

Agree with @Euclid & @JaniceWebster. The granddaughters aren't "entitled" to anything. The less close granddaughters might not know about or want the jewellery anyway - perhaps they would prefer a painting or vase. There might be grandsons who would prefer the jewels. Preferences aren't entitlements. The estate should go to her children and her children can then decide what to do with it.

[Redcrow]

Are you sure the other 3 has little involvement as you say? Families are funny things. I adored my grandmother and saw her once or twice a month (more when I was on maternity leave), I also had 5 female cousins and honestly my aunt is such a dick I'm pretty sure my grandmother avoided telling her that I came over. Some of my cousins rallied round the last few weeks of her life, according to my grandmother she rarely saw the others but according to my aunt they were there weekly for years, unlike me who apparently never came. Who knows what the real story was, anyway thankfully a Male family member saw drama coming and along with my grandmother divided up the most precious jewellery before she died and we all got a piece the had been earmarked for individuals. The rest mysteriously vanished

[Oblomov20]

This thread is a peach isn't it? Poor OP gets ripped to shreds.

I'm reading because my mum phoned me the other day to talk about her jewellery. I am the executor of her will. But she wants me to go to hers soon, bloomin covid, and talk about what jewellery I want, take photos, and what should go to my brothers and what to the grandchildren.

[DriveMeCrazy1974]

Thinking about this from an emotional state, I think only the grandchildren who were close to the grandmother should get any of the jewellery.
When my nan died, my aunt, who hadn't seen her for 15 years, suddenly decided that she should be given my nan's jewellery. I knew that my nan wanted to be buried in it as I had lived with her for many years and this is what she told me.

In the hospital, on the morning my nan died, my aunt laid claim to the rings etc when a nurse asked what should be done with them. I said that she wished to buried in them. I was young so doubt they listened to me. To this very day, I still don't know if my aunt managed to get them. It pisses me off immensely to think that somebody who couldn't be bothered with her when she was alive (and wasn't even a blood relative) thought that she was entitled to the stuff,
The worse thing is my nan tried to give me a ring I loved a week or so before she died, and I wouldn't take it. I still regret that to this day.

Death always brings out the worse in some people.

[cptartapp]

Inheritance isn't earned. Or shouldn't be. Although many older people like to use this notion of 'duty' to control and get their own way. The GM in this case certainly didn't think three of her GD more worthy, she didn't even make a will.
The jewellery should be split between her son and daughter equally, females don't get precedence, and gifted out thereafter as they wish.

[MrsAbigail]

YANBU

[Brefugee]

my elderly mum has regular visits from all her granddaughters and her one daughter (me) and has already given all of us at least one piece of her jewellery that she particularly wants us to have.

And whenever we visit she says: this is for you, this is for her, this is for X... and she has actually made a list and will append it to her will. And this goes down to just about everything in her house. (yes, she's lonely and bored).

Last time i was there she gave me her engagement ring. And after all the crying and so on, we decided that we prefer it this way round than some of the absolute free-for-all fighting we've seen among her friends' families.

[TickleMeElbow]

If the jewelry had value and the grandmother had purchased the jewellery I'd say they were cheeky fuckers taking anything.


However as the jewellery has no financial value but is a family heirloom which has been received from previous generations they should get it too.

It won't be yours. You're just holding on to it for your grandchildren. Their children shouldn't miss out because their mothers were lazy

[Blueuggboots]

I would let them all have something but let the 3 who were closer pick first.

[Blueuggboots]

Ohhhh....nothing in the will?! Fine, split it between the 4 of you then.

[MinnieJackson]

@DriveMeCrazy1974 so sorry about that, sounds awful. My gran lived with me and my parents my whole life til she passed when I was 17, I can completely empathise with you. Your aunt sounds horrible