That it is too early to be guilt tripped about Christmas?

[Dangertime]

Just that. I've divorced parents (both happily remarried, split 25 years ago). I'm married with a DS. This year is DS first xmas. I'm annoyed to already be asked about xmas plans and guilt tripped that its my DFs "turn".

I dont want to do turns. I want to do what makes sense every year. This year it makes sense to go to my DM and also see DHs family who live nearby. Shouldnt require guilt trip... 6 months out??

[Splattherat]

Once we had DC we stopped all that.

IL’s nice enough but had very tiny house, not really enough seating, bed space or bathrooms and lived 3 hours drive away. They wanted to stay in their own house and didn’t want to visit us so adult daughter living locally with unhealthy relationship could visit them. My parents live 5 mins drive away but mum didn’t want us there and never accepted an invite to come to us on christmas day.

We did a present drop weekend with IL’s early/mid Dec and saw my parents a few days beforehand.

As the DC’s grew up it was so lovely to relax at home in plenty of space, waking up in own bed, pleasing ourselves, doing our own thing/things, when we fancied and not having a 3 hour drive in bad weather when quite often one or more of us quite often had a cold and were feeing out of sorts.

[Vivi0]

Anyone mentioning Christmas to me in June would be blocked and ignored

😂😂

Like many posters have said, when our son was born, we began celebrating Christmas at home as a family. I am not prepared to remove my child from his home on Christmas Day, leaving his eagerly awaited for toys, to “take turns” at other people’s homes for the sake of the adults.

Christmas is for children. And the magic only exists for such a short time.

If you are feeling generous, you can host. If not, that’s what the holidays are for!

[Fatted]

I'm another one adding to stay home now you have kids. It's a bloody nightmare trying to drag babies and small children here there and every where on Xmas day. Do yourself a favour and set the president now. You're not visiting anyone.

[WinterAndRoughWeather]

My partner and I do Christmas on our own most years anyway, despite not having children. All that schlepping about for a sodding roast dinner when it’s our time off work? No thanks.


PS Humbug.

[domesticslattern]

No no no.
You are a little family now, in your own right. Stay at home on xmas day itself and have visitors only if you want. No traipsing round. Plenty of time to see everyone over the holiday period.
Do it now or, as others say, you will be stuck in some tiresome guilt-tripping rubbish-for-your-DC arrangement until your kids leave home.

[welcometohell]

Do not, under any circumstances, agree to "alternate'". DH and I made that mistake many years ago and it was incredibly difficult to extricate ourselves from the arrangement. We did it purely to keep the peace, but it got ridiculous. It meant we could never have Christmas in our own home for a start. It also meant that no one gave a shit about what was convenient for us or what was going on in our lives at that time, they only cared about their 'turn' and there was no room for flexibility or common sense.

[NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace]

FFS. It's June. There's a heatwave on the way later in the week. Tell 'em all to bugger off until November and have a think about it then

[Sn0tnose]

Never too early for Christmas plans, it’s the one thing getting me through this year!

Can you send an email to both parents along the lines of ‘both of you have had your ‘turns’ over the years so, now that DS is here, we’ve decided that this year is going to be our turn. And, just to give you fair waning, every year after that is likely to be our turn as well. This year, we’re going to see DH’s grandparents. Do let us know whether you’re free to meet up over the holiday and we can sort out a date that is convenient for all.’

[letmethinkaboutitfornow]

@Wimpeyspread

Anyone mentioning Christmas to me in June would be blocked and ignored

😂😂😂 fair enough!

[letmethinkaboutitfornow]

YANBU - poor you!
We barely there with the Summer solace 😂
Good luck! Your boundary setting is getting tested very early...

[Wimpeyspread]

Anyone mentioning Christmas to me in June would be blocked and ignored

[Dangertime]

Boxing day is a great idea. We had planned to travel because we want to see my DHs grandparents (it wouldn't be fair to ask them to come to us as they very old) but now I'm thinking we could see them boxing day or just around Christmas.

I'm probably more annoyed about it as theres been a bit of disney grandparenting from DF - swooping in for cuddles and photos but less support and making plans and then cancelling as suits them, which is tough when I was on mat leave and had planned my day around a visit.

Plus in general they tend to ignore DH wanting to see his family, who are a bit more relaxed than mine but seems unfair that this means they see us less than more vocal family members on my side

[Purpleartichoke]

You can make whatever plans you want, but it is not remotely too early to make a plan for the holidays. We often plan a full year out.

[amusedtodeath1]

This is where boxing day comes in handy, once DD came along, we refused to go anywhere on Christmas day, they just want to play with their toys anyway, so boxing day we visit or host either buffet or full on dinner, but Christmas day is our day.

[OlivejuiceU2]

This will be our first Christmas with baby and we plan to stay home just the three of us. We’ll see family at some point over the festive period.

IMO Christmas is for kids, not the adults, what they want is less important so if DF wants you to go to his tell his sorry it’s better for baby to you to stay at home.

[Chloemol]

If you went to your mothers last year i can see why your father thinks it’s his turn this year

Just spend it at home on your own, and they can visit Boxing day

[Piffle11]

Stay at home and do what YOU want. As soon as we had DC1 we made a point of not doing ‘turns’. When I was a child, I hated being dragged around different grandparents on Christmas Day. I wanted to play with my new things!

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

Stay home.

We are having our first Christmas Day at home this year. I've not told anyone yet.

Family are welcome to visit on either Christmas Eve or Boxing Day.

[NopeNotToday5]

I'd stay at home. This is what me and my partner have done since our son was born. If people want to visit then we tell them a time convenient to us. I believe children should be home Christmas day with new toys ect...

[mbosnz]

I started off that we'd go to DH's family one year, then my family one year. That was pre-kids.

After kids, initially I said we'd do the above, then one year at ours.

Then I got so pissed off with the bloody lot of them I said, right, we're doing Christmas at ours, whoever wanted to come was welcome, so long as they'd behave thembloodyselves with whoever else was there. And if they didn't they'd be told to sling their hook.

[JustC]

I could not be botheed with a new baby, and would prefer to just do our little thing. That way you can visit both of them on diff days.

[WitchDancer]

Do yourself a favour and start your own family Christmas tradition - it's much nicer to not have to clock watch and not have to herd the family from one place to another, when all the kids want to do is play with their new toys and watch a film they like.

[PumpkinPie2016]

Personally, I'd go for staying home and them visiting if they wish.

Aside from that, it's way to early to think about Christmas we've not even had summer yet!

[Sunnydayshereatlast]

Imo /e dc should have Xmas in their own home. What dc wants to spend precious toy playing hours stuck in a bloody car to pacify GROWN UP people??
Seriously op offer up dates /times they can all visit you over the festive season - about 2 weeks isn't it? Only you and dh get 'dibs' on seeing dc on the 25th.
Alternatively they can choose to flounce (fuck) off.